The Breaking Up Quiz
These days breaking up and divorce have become so socially acceptable that many couples who could work things out wind up dissolving their unions. And often there is a big price to pay. As a psychologist and Love Mentor I’ve seen too many people regret ending their relationships. So I decided to construct a breaking up quiz to help our coaching clients and readers of this blog.
Usually the breaking up process is quite painful. They suffer with financial setbacks, emotional breakdowns and if they have kids, children’s adjustment problems. Often they wind up alone and unhappy for years. And if they are not self-reflective and transform themselves as opposed to blaming their partners, they usually end up making the same mistakes again and again with different partners. If you have any doubts about this, check out the divorce rates for second and third marriages.
The 20 Question Breaking Up Quiz
Before you leap back into being single contemplate these 20 questions. Be as honest as you can be and preferably ask your best friend, one of my expert love mentors, a 12 step sponsor, or therapist to help you answer them honestly.
Quiz Part 1
- Have you searched within to see if you have given your all to this relationship?
- Did you set aside time to be alone as a couple to continue your bond and friendship?
- Were you clear and upfront in explaining what you wanted and needed from your partner?
- Did you make a serious attempt to provide what your partner wanted and needed?
- Noticed and appreciated the helpful or caring things he/she has done?
- Tried out the viewpoint that everything your partner complains about is legitimate and something you need to be working on?
- Have you tried treating him/her lovingly, the way you would like to be treated?
- Checked to see if your partner is growing as a person?
- Is your partner becoming someone who could have a more loving relationship with you?
- Have you worked on forgiving and being forgiven in the relationship?
Quiz Part 2
- 11. If you or your partner had an affair is it this event that is the primary reason for the breakup? Even affairs can be forgiven, if there is true remorse. Many times with the proper counseling the whole relationship can be turned around and get better after an affair.
12. Did you express more gratitude or criticism in the relationship?
13. Tell your partner directly that the problems in the relationship were so severe that you wanted out?
14. If there are sexual problems, did you try your best to work on them?
15. Did you try to create chemistry and attraction?
16. Set aside time for sex?
17. Did you spend time teaching each other how to give sensual and sexual pleasure?
18. Or spend quality time really listening and paying close attention to your partner?
19. Have you made personal changes as per your partner’s suggestions that would be in your best interest?
20. Have you seen or spoken to a couples therapist or love mentor and given it your best shot?
Breaking Up Quiz Answer Key
If you cannot answer “yes” to most of these questions, reconsider ending the relationship. You may be able to save yourself (and your kids) from huge financial and emotional heartaches. And to help you sort through and work on the issues/behaviors in the breaking up quiz, here’s my gift to you. Now you can have a free one-on-one coaching strategy session with an expert relationship coach who has a long background in transformational work and is closely supervised by me.
A Coaching Client Who Used the Breakup Quiz
Here’s a letter from Robin who was in our Love Mentoring program. Through coaching she stopped herself from breaking up with a great guy and whom she end up marrying:
“Having a Love Mentor was what allowed me to get married. That guidance helped me get over my tendency to blame the other person and wanting to be right. Nurturing loving guidance combined with a firm hand in letting me know when I was being a spoiled brat allowed me to look at my own patterns from a neutral perspective. I learned that I deserve to be supported on all levels, including financially. And, that I could have a true reciprocal loving partnership. Our wedding was spectacular and I couldn’t be any happier!”
If Robin can do it so can you.