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Breaking Up Quiz: 20 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Do

breakup quizThe Breaking Up Quiz

These days breaking up and divorce have become so socially acceptable that many couples who could work things out wind up dissolving their unions. And often there is a big price to pay. As a psychologist and Love Mentor I’ve seen too many people regret ending their relationships.  So I decided to construct a breaking up quiz to help our coaching clients and readers of this blog.

Usually the breaking up process is quite painful.  They suffer with financial setbacks, emotional breakdowns and if they have kids, children’s adjustment problems.  Often they wind up alone and unhappy for years.  And if they are not self-reflective and transform themselves as opposed to blaming their partners, they usually end up making the same mistakes again and again with different partners. If you have any doubts about this, check out the divorce rates for second and third marriages.

 

The 20 Question Breaking Up Quiz

Before you leap back into being single contemplate these 20 questions. Be as honest as you can be and preferably ask your best friend, one of my expert love mentors, a 12 step sponsor, or therapist to help you answer them honestly.

Quiz Part 1

        1. Have you searched within to see if you have given your all to this relationship?
        2. Did you set aside time to be alone as a couple to continue your bond and friendship?
        3. Were you clear and upfront in explaining what you wanted and needed from your  partner?
        4. Did you make a serious attempt to provide what your partner wanted and needed?
        5. Noticed and appreciated the helpful or caring things he/she has done?
        6. Tried out the viewpoint that everything your partner complains about is legitimate and something you need to be working on?
        7. Have you tried treating him/her lovingly, the way you would like to be treated?
        8. Checked to see if your partner is growing as a person?
        9. Is your partner becoming someone who could have a more loving relationship with you?
        10. Have you worked on forgiving and being forgiven in the relationship?

        Quiz Part 2

      1. 11. If you or your partner had an affair is it this event that is the primary reason for the breakup? Even affairs can be forgiven, if there is true remorse.  Many times with the proper counseling the whole relationship can be turned around and get better after an affair.
        12. Did you express more gratitude or criticism in the relationship?
        13. Tell your partner directly that the problems in the relationship were so severe that you wanted out?
        14. If there are sexual problems, did you try your best to work on them?
        15. Did you try to create chemistry and attraction?
        16. Set aside time for sex?
        17. Did you spend time teaching each other how to give sensual and sexual pleasure?
        18. Or spend quality time really listening and paying close attention to your partner?
        19. Have you made personal changes as per your partner’s suggestions that would be in your best interest?
        20. Have you seen or spoken to a couples therapist or love mentor and given it your best shot?

        Breaking Up Quiz Answer Key

        If you cannot answer “yes” to most of these questions, reconsider ending the relationship.  You may be able to save yourself (and your kids) from huge financial and emotional heartaches.  And to help you sort through and work on the issues/behaviors in the breaking up quiz, here’s my gift to you.  Now you can have a free one-on-one coaching strategy session with an expert relationship coach who has a long background in transformational work and is closely supervised by me.

        A Coaching Client Who Used the Breakup Quiz

        Here’s a letter from Robin who was in our Love Mentoring program. Through coaching she stopped herself from breaking up with a great guy and whom she end up marrying:
        “Having a Love Mentor was what allowed me to get married. That guidance helped me get over my tendency to blame the other person and wanting to be right. Nurturing loving guidance combined with a firm hand in letting me know when I was being a spoiled brat allowed me to look at my own patterns from a neutral perspective. I learned that I deserve to be supported on all levels, including financially. And, that I could have a true reciprocal loving partnership. Our wedding was spectacular and I couldn’t be any happier!”

        If Robin can do it so can you.

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Dr.-Diana-Kirschner-bio

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

5 Comments

  1. robert toohey on March 28, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    i read your book and think it will take some work, but I am a guy and i don’t know if your prescriptions work for men. What can men do?



  2. Dr. Diana Kirschner on April 8, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    The strategies in the book work well for men too! You just have to be more proactive in the dating.



  3. David driver on April 12, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    So I took the quiz and had yes answers to almost all the questions the problem is that my girlfriend just ended our relationship and will not even talk to me per the advice of her therapist . I know we had a great thing going she just kept saying she was worried about how are families would get along. She insisted that they would not .but we rally never confronted this problem head on and I think that if we all were to work on it it is a solvable problem. How do I get her to see that? I really need your help .



  4. Kayla on June 24, 2015 at 7:41 am

    Most of these things I haven’t tried, but we have a great relationship and we have great sex and we almost never fight, but I feel like I’m just losing interest. little things he does always annoy me and I feel like he loves me more than I love him. But I’m not sure I want to end it because he’s my best friend. I wish I could just be best friends with him without dating him, but I know that could never happen. What should I do? should I end it or stick with him? we’ve been together for 9 months.



  5. Dr. Diana Kirschner on June 24, 2015 at 8:21 am

    Dear Kayla,
    Please go ahead and work on the list. If things do not improve, take a break from seeing him.
    Wishing you love!



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