Handling A Non-Committal Guy

Check out the video below and then read the blog on how to deal with the non-committal guy.

Is He a Non-Committal Guy?

Perhaps you feel you met the One. Yet he disappears soon after. Has he met someone else?  Why is he running hot and cold?  Do you have a future together?  You wonder, Is it me?  Is it him? Is this a non-committal guy and if so why do I mess with him? If you haven’t done so already, make sure you take the non-committal man quiz. But do so honestly.
Maybe you tend to be involved with a guy for a few months and then he always falls away mysteriously, leaving you alone.  Maybe you have been with a guy for 10 years who brings over the chicken soup when you are sick, is there whenever you need him, yet turns into a non-committal guy.  Or maybe you are in a long term on-again, off-again relationship where one or the other of you periodically withdraws or sees other people. The whole thing can be very unsettling and uncertain emotionally.

Have you ever been involved and in love with one man for months, or even years, only to find that he simply cannot or will not take that next step into living together or marriage? Instead he gets irritated, distant, angry or simply hits the highway if there is any talk of sharing a future together? If you have read this far I know that you have had at least one of these FRUSTRATING experiences with a guy.

The Mysteries of A Non-Committal Guy

Men can be very tough, almost impossible to figure out! They often have their own specific fears. If you are interested in a great guy and finding it hard to figure out what is going on, it is often best to have a second pair of “eyes’ on the situation. To help you read the guy’s smoke signals and understand how to proceed to make things work out with him. A wise person who can help you avoid making costly MISTAKES that are common in love. To help you get the relationship you really want.

Fortunately, I’ve worked for over 30 years as a psychologist, clinical supervisor of therapists, and as a Love Mentor® I’ve heard just about every issue single guys have!  Those private moments have given me a unique window into understanding guys’ fears about maturity, commitment, forming a couple or creating a family.  I understand how their minds work–how men tend to view love relationships and all the different resistances they have toward choosing a woman for the long haul.  And why they are emotionally unavailable? But even more important than knowing the WHYs has been figuring out out HOW to guide many men, (including the hard-core non-committal guy or commitment-phobe) through the process of making a true commitment to a woman.

What’s Behind the Fear of Commitment?

So here’s a small part of all I’ve learned.  Here’s the good news. For the most part, men want true love, even a soul mate. Down deep they realize that they’d be happier, more content and more sexually fulfilled if they had a good relationship.  The bad news is they are also scared. They often push real intimacy or commitment away.  These men equate dating with fun, sex and feeling good. Unfortunately, they also equate commitment with heavy responsibilities, a sexless life, and a boring existence. They see a life filled with endless chores like taking out the garbage, being a chauffeur and changing diapers.

Men fear being overwhelmed and taken over in an all-consuming couple.  That just leads to a dreadful life of providing, providing and more providing. And ending in a quiet heart attack in the suburbs.  Also, they fear that they simply cannot handle a woman’s emotional baggage. Or that they are not equipped to make a woman happy. These fears play out in a variety of ways that lead to his becoming a non-committal guy.

That’s why dating and creating a relationship with a non-committal guy can be so confusing and frustrating. So if you are stuck in your love life or UNSURE of just how to deal with a disappointing guy, remember you’re not alone. If you haven’t already, check out the understanding men blog for more posts on dealing with non-committal guys.



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Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.


  1. sandra on February 5, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Hi I just read about your advice of a non committed guy. Let me tell you my experience with my ex boyfriend. In the beginning he mention no commitment no gf. So, i left met someone and he thought i cheated on him. I went back with my ex in June of 2012 and have been with him ever since. But he wont commit to me. He has slept with a stripper in Jan of 2012 when I left. A 60 year old woman he had a previous relationship with when he was 19 and she was older has been calling and texting him ever since i have dated him. It got serious in Feb of 2013 when her husband left her. common law and she has been around ever since. I tried to leave not call him yet he continues to call me and text me. I fell in love with him hard in a year and a half we were together. So U tell me why he is not committed to me! He will not tell the woman to stop calling or texting him!

    Loveless in Hamilton Ontario

  2. Gena on February 6, 2014 at 8:52 am

    I have been seeing this guy for five months now.. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but a day or two go by and hes saying lets just take it day by day.. very frustrated! !

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