Dating Tips for Smart Successful Women: Why You Haven’t Met the One Yet
Here’s why you haven’t met the One.
There are more than 41 million single men just in the U.S. right now and different ones are coming on the market all the time. And every year, there are new online dating sites that bring in whole new crops to choose from. The odds of meeting a keeper are in your favor. You’re a smart successful woman. And yet you haven’t met the one.
Why? It’s not because you aren’t a size 2. Or because you have a quirky laugh. Or because you might intimidate guys. Maybe, you think the universe is punishing you.
Here’s why you haven’t met the One. My team of coaches and I have worked with thousands of smart, successful women just like you. Many of them were beyond disappointed with dating, struggling with heartbreak, and had given up hope that they’d ever find the right partner.
But, guess what? With a few simple steps, they went on to meet amazing guys! You can too and often it just takes a few tweaks in how you experience yourself, dating and the world.
Why you haven’t met the One tends to boil down to 2.5 things.
The most important of which is…
Lack of self-love and true deservedness.
I can’t emphasize this enough. Loving yourself is the #1 magic elixir for creating a fulfilling relationship. When you love yourself you’re real and authentic, which is a magnet for love. You’re free to act and speak from your whole self, based on real needs, impulses and desires. You’re grounded in natural feelings of loving connection and compassion. This is true happiness and beauty. And it gives people a chance to see and love the real you… and to also feel they can be themselves around you.
When you love yourself, you also naturally avoid acting in ways that kill attraction and actively push your partner away— like nagging, whining, or needling him for attention. He knows he doesn’t have to be “everything” to you.
And, the more you love yourself, the more you act in appreciative ways that draw people to you. If you’ve been together for awhile, you’ll experience your partner as a part of you. This means that as you appreciate and love yourself more, you’ll experience more love for HIM. When you’re more forgiving of your own faults, you’ll be more forgiving of his. This level of appreciation and ease deepens all relationships and commitments.
The second reason why you haven’t met the One
Not being the change you want to see in the world—that is, not being the loving, alive, flirty and playful being you really are at your core.
So often we look to our partners to provide what we feel is missing in ourselves or our lives. We may want someone who is fun, yet we rarely make time for our own fun. Someone who is freely loving and emotionally generous, yet we hold love in as a way to protect ourselves. We may want someone who is happy, yet we don’t work on making ourselves happy. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting all these characteristics in a partner (in fact, the right partner should have these positive qualities!), you can’t create a healthy, balanced relationship if you don’t also exude these traits.
So, be like the person you’d want to go out with, and the right person will be drawn to you.
The half reason why you haven’t met the One
Let’s face it. We can’t force the universe. In the end, we have to trust that the right person will come at the exact right time—so long as you do your part.
So why is this a half reason? Because I’ve found that once people take the first two steps;once they truly love themselves and are the change they want to see in others, the divine universe switches into full gear. And send the right guy to you sooner rather than later. Because you’re ready to meet the one. And this by the way is a good thing. You wouldn’t want the universe to send the right guy if you’re not ready!
So while fate plays a role, we can speed up the process.
Now, you may be thinking, “So, Dr. Diana, this is all excellent advice, but I’ve been working on loving myself for my entire life. This is a lot of work and it’s not easy!”
I get it. You may have been through years of therapy, worked on yourself, and taken tons of personal growth courses yet still… you feel bogged down by self-doubt. Loving yourself and being that change you want to see has not been an easy task… until now!
My revolutionary Diamond Self exercise will help you answer “why you haven’t met the One.”
This exercise is truly miraculous and it’s the ultimate key to breaking free of the sabotaging thoughts, feelings and choices that keep you from being fully alive, present, real and radiant every day. It’s a powerful way to unveil your best identity — the authentic, loving you who is filled with light. The gloriously free and happy “you” before you were hurt by the outside world.
I will outline the first part of the powerful Diamond Self exercise in a minute for you. But before I do, I want you to know that you can be coached through the whole exercise one-on-one for free: You can take advantage of a complimentary session by phone or Skype with one of my expertly trained dating and relationship coaches. Your coach will lead you through this full process during your hands-on session and help you solidify your Diamond Self identity.Just contact me and I’ll schedule a session for you.
How to Reveal your Diamond Self Identity
This exercise is designed to banish self-sabotage by anchoring your Self-Loving DS (SLDS) Identity. Read each section and then close your eyes, taking ample time to do each step of the exercise.
1. Remember a time when you felt good about yourself—alive, real, attractive, connected, LOVING, and LOVABLE. You can go all the way back to some innocent time in your early childhood if you need to. Just find the most self-loving experience you ever had. Put yourself in the picture so that you are looking through your own eyes. Feel that completely.
2. Imagine yourself better, even better. Imagine yourself five times better.
3. Now take that image and bring it closer to you. Make it brighter, clearer. Give it a great soundtrack, magnify all those good feelings—make them stronger. This is your Self-Loving DS. Give this self a grand or playful nickname that includes your real name—like Beloved Goddess Susan, Lovable Little Tami, Annie, Awesome, Adorable. Have fun and give yourself permission to be outrageous with this! Say your self-loving DS name to yourself. Write it down and post it in your closet to see while you’re getting dressed and on your bathroom mirror. Play with using your DS name and you will find unexpected results in your love life.
Know that you, Beautiful One, are always loved and deserving of great love! in my next blog on successful women, I’m going to to dispel an urban legend. That smart men like to marry “dumb blondes” not successful women.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.