Dating Tips for Smart Successful Women: Why You Haven’t Met the One Yet

why you haven't met the one

Here’s why you haven’t met the One.

There are more than 41 million single men just in the U.S. right now and different ones are coming on the market all the time. And every year, there are new online dating sites that bring in whole new crops to choose from. The odds of meeting a keeper are in your favor. You’re a smart successful woman. And yet you haven’t met the one.

Why? It’s not because you aren’t a size 2. Or because you have a quirky laugh. Or because you might intimidate guys. Maybe, you think the universe is punishing you.

Here’s why you haven’t met the One. My team of coaches and I have worked with thousands of smart, successful women just like you. Many of them were beyond disappointed with dating, struggling with heartbreak, and had given up hope that they’d ever find the right partner.

But, guess what? With a few simple steps, they went on to meet amazing guys! You can too and often it just takes a few tweaks in how you experience yourself, dating and the world.

Why you haven’t met the One tends to boil down to 2.5 things.

The most important of which is…

Lack of self-love and true deservedness.

I can’t emphasize this enough. Loving yourself is the #1 magic elixir for creating a fulfilling relationship. When you love yourself you’re real and authentic, which is a magnet for love. You’re free to act and speak from your whole self, based on real needs, impulses and desires. You’re grounded in natural feelings of loving connection and compassion. This is true happiness and beauty. And it gives people a chance to see and love the real you… and to also feel they can be themselves around you.

When you love yourself, you also naturally avoid acting in ways that kill attraction and actively push your partner away— like nagging, whining, or needling him for attention. He knows he doesn’t have to be “everything” to you.

And, the more you love yourself, the more you act in appreciative ways that draw people to you. If you’ve been together for awhile, you’ll experience your partner as a part of you. This means that as you appreciate and love yourself more, you’ll experience more love for HIM. When you’re more forgiving of your own faults, you’ll be more forgiving of his. This level of appreciation and ease deepens all relationships and commitments.

The second reason why you haven’t met the One

Not being the change you want to see in the world—that is, not being the loving, alive, flirty and playful being you really are at your core.

So often we look to our partners to provide what we feel is missing in ourselves or our lives. We may want someone who is fun, yet we rarely make time for our own fun. Someone who is freely loving and emotionally generous, yet we hold love in as a way to protect ourselves. We may want someone who is happy, yet we don’t work on making ourselves happy. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting all these characteristics in a partner (in fact, the right partner should have these positive qualities!), you can’t create a healthy, balanced relationship if you don’t also exude these traits.

So, be like the person you’d want to go out with, and the right person will be drawn to you.


The half reason why you haven’t met the One

Divine timing.

Let’s face it. We can’t force the universe. In the end, we have to trust that the right person will come at the exact right time—so long as you do your part.

So why is this a half reason? Because I’ve found that once people take the first two steps;once they truly love themselves and are the change they want to see in others, the divine universe switches into full gear. And send the right guy to you sooner rather than later. Because you’re ready to meet the one. And this by the way is a good thing. You wouldn’t want the universe to send the right guy if you’re not ready!

So while fate plays a role, we can speed up the process.

Now, you may be thinking, “So, Dr. Diana, this is all excellent advice, but I’ve been working on loving myself for my entire life. This is a lot of work and it’s not easy!”

I get it. You may have been through years of therapy, worked on yourself, and taken tons of personal growth courses yet still… you feel bogged down by self-doubt. Loving yourself and being that change you want to see has not been an easy task… until now!

My revolutionary Diamond Self exercise will help you answer “why you haven’t met the One.”

This exercise is truly miraculous and it’s the ultimate key to breaking free of the sabotaging thoughts, feelings and choices that keep you from being fully alive, present, real and radiant every day. It’s a powerful way to unveil your best identity — the authentic, loving you who is filled with light. The gloriously free and happy “you” before you were hurt by the outside world.

I will outline the first part of the powerful Diamond Self exercise in a minute for you. But before I do, I want you to know that you can be coached through the whole exercise one-on-one for free: You can take advantage of a complimentary session by phone or Skype with one of my expertly trained dating and relationship coaches. Your coach will lead you through this full process during your hands-on session and help you solidify your Diamond Self identity.Just contact me and I’ll schedule a session for you.

How to Reveal your Diamond Self Identity

This exercise is designed to banish self-sabotage by anchoring your Self-Loving DS (SLDS) Identity. Read each section and then close your eyes, taking ample time to do each step of the exercise.

1. Remember a time when you felt good about yourself—alive, real, attractive, connected, LOVING, and LOVABLE. You can go all the way back to some innocent time in your early childhood if you need to. Just find the most self-loving experience you ever had. Put yourself in the picture so that you are looking through your own eyes. Feel that completely.

2. Imagine yourself better, even better. Imagine yourself five times better.

3. Now take that image and bring it closer to you. Make it brighter, clearer. Give it a great soundtrack, magnify all those good feelings—make them stronger. This is your Self-Loving DS. Give this self a grand or playful nickname that includes your real name—like Beloved Goddess Susan, Lovable Little Tami, Annie, Awesome, Adorable. Have fun and give yourself permission to be outrageous with this! Say your self-loving DS name to yourself. Write it down and post it in your closet to see while you’re getting dressed and on your bathroom mirror. Play with using your DS name and you will find unexpected results in your love life.

Know that you, Beautiful One, are always loved and deserving of great love! in my next blog on successful women, I’m going to to dispel an urban legend. That smart men like to marry “dumb blondes” not successful women.

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Are you a successful woman who is tired of having NO good men to date?  THIS  is for you!

Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women, including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!

I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah, the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days.  My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR.

I specialize in helping high-caliber women create feminine self-confidence, dating success, and passionate love matches.

I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference!

That's why I'm excited to offer a FREE Top-Tier Love Strategy Session via Zoom or phone with one of my gifted coaches.

During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique dating situation. You'll walk away refreshed and inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the top-tier love you want.  And deserve!

"I followed the program and enjoyed the process. I appreciate Dr. Diana planting very helpful seeds!"
-Hoda Kotb, The Today Show

Here's what women like you are saying:

"My love strategy session helped me to meet a really high-caliber guy!  In it I learned how to tweak my profile to attract great matches.  And my boyfriend is the best!  We are having a blast building our dream house and planning for a cruise to Tahiti ! -Darla, Psychologist & Author

matchmaker, dating coach, dating tips, dating & relationship advice"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me.  I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey, PBS Pledge Host


  1. Gary on April 15, 2021 at 8:56 am

    Well for many of us single men that were really hoping to find the one, which God unfortunately punished many of us good men for no reason at all. And all we would had wanted was a good wife and family to share our life with, instead of being single and alone all the time which really isn’t fun at all for many of us today. Very easy for us to really hate all the holidays when they come around.

  2. Mark on August 13, 2021 at 6:42 am

    Women today are very different from the past– making love very difficult to find nowadays for so many of us single guys unfortunately.

  3. Dr. Diana Kirschner on August 13, 2021 at 10:25 am

    Mark, you may want to read Love in 90 Days to get more insight into the women of today!

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