Why Are Some Men Emotionally Unavailable?

Why Are Some Men Emotionally Unavailable?

Is this Man Emotionally Unavailable?

Perhaps you feel you met the One. Yet he disappears soon after. Has he met someone else?  Why is he running hot and cold?  Do you have a future together?  You wonder, Is it me?  Is it him? Is this man emotionally unavailable and why do I mess with him?

Emotionally Unavailable Men Situations

Maybe you tend to be involved with a guy for a few months and then he always falls away mysteriously, leaving you alone.  Maybe you have been with a guy for 10 years who brings over the chicken soup when you are sick. Or is there whenever you need him, yet is completely emotionally unavailable for building a lasting relationship or family.  Maybe you are in a long term on-again, off-again relationship where one or the other of you periodically withdraws or sees other people. The whole thing can be very unsettling and uncertain emotionally.  I know.

Have you ever been involved and in love with one man for months, or even years? Only to find that he simply cannot or will not take that next step into living together or marriage? Instead he gets irritated, distant, angry or simply hits the highway if there is any talk of sharing a future together?

The Mysteries of Emotionally Unavailable Men

Men can be very tough, almost impossible to figure out! They often have their own specific fears. If you are interested in a great guy and finding it hard to figure out what is going on, it is often best to have a second pair of “eyes’ on the situation. To help you read the guy’s smoke signals and understand how to proceed to make things work out with him. A wise person who can help you avoid making costly mistakes that are common in love. To help you get the relationship you really want.

Fortunately, I’ve worked for over 25 years as a psychologist, clinical supervisor of therapists, and as a Love Mentor® I’ve heard just about every issue single guys have!  I’ve logged thousands of hours in the trenches listening to men as they’ve completely opened up and explored their deepest issues, problems, needs and fears.  Those private moments have given me a unique window into understanding guys’ fears about maturity, commitment, forming a couple or creating a family.  I understand how their minds work–how men tend to view love relationships and all the different resistances they have toward choosing a woman for the long haul.  And why they are emotionally unavailable? But even more important than knowing the WHYs has been figuring out out HOW to guide many men, (including hard-core commitment-phobes) through the process of making a true commitment to a woman.

What I’ve learned so far about the Minds of Men.

The good news is that they, like us, for the most part want true love, even a soul mate. Down deep they realize that they’d be happier, more content and more sexually fulfilled. Only if they were in a good relationship.  The bad news: They are also scared. So that they often push real intimacy or commitment away.  These men equate dating with fun, sex and feeling good. Unfortunately, they also equate commitment with heavy responsibilities, a sexless life, and a boring existence. They see a life filled with endless chores like taking out the garbage, being a chauffeur and changing diapers.

In fact, many men fear that they will lose themselves in an all-consuming relationship. Because they will lose their individuality and identity. In this drama, they envision leading a dreadful life of providing, providing and more providing. Ending in a quiet heart attack in the suburbs.  They also fear that they simply cannot handle a woman’s emotional baggage. Or that they are not equipped to make a woman happy. These fears play out in a variety of ways that lead to his becoming emotionally unavailable.

That’s why dating and creating a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can be so confusing and frustrating. So if you are stuck in your love life or unsure of just how to deal with a guy who has disappointed you. Remember to sign up for a free dating coaching session with one of my experts right on this page. It may change your life.

If you want to learn more about dating games men play and their deepest fears pick up a copy of Love in 90 Days.


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Are you a successful woman who is tired of having NO good men to date?  THIS  is for you!

Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women, including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!

I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah, the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days.  My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR.

I specialize in helping high-caliber women create feminine self-confidence, dating success, and passionate love matches.

I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference!

That's why I'm excited to offer a FREE Top-Tier Love Strategy Session via Zoom or phone with one of my gifted coaches.

During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique dating situation. You'll walk away refreshed and inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the top-tier love you want.  And deserve!

"I followed the program and enjoyed the process. I appreciate Dr. Diana planting very helpful seeds!"
-Hoda Kotb, The Today Show

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  1. Lisa on March 27, 2015 at 8:58 am

    I like your blog, as mostly I have only found oppinons of experts advising to get the run when one get’s involved with an emo unavailable. I am glad there is some hope in the end.
    I have been writing with a guy from overseas now since 2 years who was looking for a friendship right from the beginning. He has a few friends online, mainly female ones. Unfortunately I have fallen for him totally, considering his pics and his thoughts. He never got more interested in me, and I made the mistake after a few months of writing that I told him about my deeper feelings towards him. He stood me up, still asking if the friendship kind of connection would be useful for me, as he didn’t want to make me any hopes for more. When he realized that I reacted somehow disappointed and insulted, but in the end agreed with this connection, he told me about having written with a female friend for understanding the female aspects on his issues he still had from his last relationship. Then he developed affection for that penpal friend, but after a year she moved to an old study friend of hers and their communication ended. He told me that in times of affection he had been contacting her often, even phoning with her and they had nearly met each other. It felt so cruel to me that to me he kept writing after a whole couple of days. Since that I am making him believe I really only want to be friends too. Last Christmas he wrote a mail and sent a flirt to me for the first time. I didn’t take it seriously so I didn’t return it to him. He often philosphies with me, also about topics of love and friendship where he stated that a friendship can turn into any kind of significant relationship. He meant that a friendship that wouldn’t last, would also not last as a serious relationship.
    But since a longer time now he has made the gaps between our mails bigger. I am thinking he is losing more and more interest. I want to make a very big gap too, maybe in a time he will least expect this from my side. I hope he would start missing me. But, I am not sure if he will, or if he only sees me as a “post-card” friendship. Although he has depressions at times, he always mails in a very freindly way, always wishing for me to be happy. This shows me that he has good intentions actually.
    I would like to know if it is possible that he can develop more affection for me, at least as much as he had developed for the former penpal he had lost. What could it have been that she did to have gained his trust?

  2. Dr. Diana Kirschner on March 28, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    Dear Lisa,
    I would spend time meeting some available men who are located near you. If you need some help in finding them, or getting more self confidence to date them, arrange to have a free 40 minute session with one of my awesome Love Mentors by phone or Skype. Just sign up at dating coach If you start feeling really good about yourself, many possibilities can open up. This guy could even sense your new self confidence. You might feel like sending him some flirty messages.
    Wishing you love!

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