What Men Really Want in a Love Relationship

What Men WantDo you ever wonder what the heck is going on with men and relationships? Tired of all their confusing signals? One minute they want you, the next they seem ambivalent and distant.

And, we’re supposed to be mysterious!

Through my work as a psychologist and clinical supervisor of other individual, couple, and family therapists, I’ve heard just about every issue single, married, and divorced guys have when it comes to what men really want in relationships. Those countless hours have given me a unique understanding into what men really want in a partner.

Are you ready for it? Watch the video as I share my first-hand insights! Then read on below for five more tips.

So, as I said in the video, what men want has little to do with your waist-hip ratio, your looks, or even what underwear you’re wearing. Here are five more insights and tips to help you create a deep connection with your guy.

1. Men want to feel good and successful around you

Men want to be with a woman who is happy and enjoying herself. Like I mention in the video, the happier you are and the more you’re enjoying yourself with him, the more successful and connected he feels to you. He takes credit for it. Your happiness is his happiness! And, even if he really hasn’t done anything in particular to bring you happiness in that moment, he instinctively knows that he has the power to please you.

Yet, if you’re not happy, he feels like he’s failed. In fact, believing they can’t please a woman is one of the biggest reasons men won’t commit.

This is why it’s so crucial for you to create happy life for yourself, whether you’re single or in a relationship.

Tip:

Make things fun when you’re with him. Be spontaneous and playful! Lightly tease and flirt with him. And, make sure you’re also doing things to make yourself happy outside of your relationship.

2. Men crave appreciation and validation

Men want to please you. In many ways, psychologically you become the symbol of the all-important mother to your guy. Your opinion becomes more important than any other person. So, let him know he’s your hero. Tell him what you love about him and appreciate everything he does.

Tip:

Next time you see your guy, make it a point to appreciate and validate. It could be something as simple as: “I love the way you make me laugh!” or, “You always plan the best dates.”

3. Men want to provide for you 

Now, I’m not advocating that we step back in time where men were the financial providers in relationships. What I am saying is that he needs to feel like he provides something for you. It gives him purpose. So, as I talk about in the video, he needs you to be receptive to what he is providing.

Leave your managerial hat at the door and let your guy take the lead. Be receptive to his love and support. Lean back and let him be the active one who does for you. Let him think about and help you solve your problems. When you receive his help, you’re sending him a message that says, “you are smart and competent and I trust and respect you.”

Tip:

Ask you guy for help with something—a work problem, picking out a new phone or T.V.! And, freely receive what he has to offer – without wanting it to be any different.

4. Men need freedom

Men need much more space than women. In fact, one of the most common commitment fears men have when they become serious with a woman is that they will lose their buddies, free time, and downtime.

Yep. Smothering a man or acting clingy or jealous will almost guarantee he will become emotionally distant and pull away.

Remember, men are wired to feel like they have to perform and produce. It’s refreshing when he has a partner who has her own life and lets him have space without holding it against him.

Tip:

Encourage him to hang out with his buddies! And make sure you also have your own world of friends and hobbies.

5. Men need sexual connection

Men connect through sex. Once you enter the realm of having sex, it’s critical to keep that spark hot. I always recommend that you act like you’re having a monogamous affair with your guy. So, flirt, touch him, and of course engage in win-win sexual fulfillment.

Tip:

Ask yourself, what would I be doing or saying right now if we were having an affair? Then go for it!

So there you have it – the inside scoop into the world of men!

When you understand men, communicate positively, and embody your most authentic, confident self, you can create the relationship of your dreams.

And to help you better understand the psychology of men, please go to the understanding men blog for more posts like this one. Also, I want you to remember that higher quality guys are always on the lookout for smart women. So if you’re a smart successful woman you’ve come to the right place.

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.” ~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

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