Self-Sabotaging Mistakes that Turn Men Off

turn men off
Wondering whether you turn men off in your dating and love life? Lots of women do this.  And it is accidental and unconscious and sometimes very hard to understand!  This can be especially troubling when it comes to the guys you like, the very ones you are interested in!  Who then proceed to disappear on you.

It’s super disappointing when things go south with someone you are into.  But it could be just a matter of you doing some very small things that turn men off.  And I am going to review the most common turnoffs, with the help of an amazing dating coach, Mark Rosenfeld, who you will soon meet in the video below!

So you can upgrade your dating skills and keep the guy you want.

Sometimes it seems like the chances of finding and keeping your soulmate are slim to none.   You may feel like you will never find the one true love who will overlook your foibles and hang in there to make your relationship work!  I know.  You may even be burnt out with dating altogether.  I understand.  But just check out the rest of this blog and video to help you get where you truly want to go in your heart of hearts.


Mistakes that Turn Men Off: Being Judgmental Etc.

One of the things you may be doing that turns men off is being too judgmental and picky.  Especially about looks, income, and other more superficial things.

Other things that turn men off include:

  • Being too nice, where you tend to turn yourself inside out to be who the guy wants
  • Not being yourself–you tend to NOT be real about asking him to fill your own needs and wants
  • Settling for crumbs, where the guy sees you rarely and gives you only a small amount of his time or attention
  • Playing hard to get and keeping your distance

How NOT to Turn Men Off

So, let’s make sure you are choosing the right guys to spend your precious time with!  Ones who will respond when you stop doing these small things that turn men off.  Men who are not as picky about how you are acting.   I call these true soulmates, who are totally into you.  There are key questions that separate what I call a DUD (Definitely Unworkable Dude) from a STUD (Seriously Terrific, Utterly Devoted Dude).  They weed out those who are heart-breakers or not good love matches. There is no perfect guy. But you can find a wonderful guy who is willing to grow into an almost perfect STUD!  Who will find almost anything you do endearing!

The Two Questions to Ask Yourself

When you meet someone, ask yourself the following questions:

Is this guy:

Crazy About Me?

  • Eager to see me
  • Reluctant to leave me
  • Interested in me and my life
  • Wants to be helpful
  • Is verbally and physically affectionate
  • Wants to be sexual with me
  • Acts like I am very special; doesn’t really want to date others
  • Willing to hang in there as I work the Program of Three

Willing to Grow?

  • Takes suggestions or advice
  • Is self-reflective
  • Is willing to go to therapy or life coaching
  • Takes growth courses
  • Meditates or prays
  • Is in a 12-step program or men’s group

How to Evaluate Your Date

If a guy is willing to grow, he can have straight talk with you about things that turn him off.  And this can be super helpful:  you want to have a win-win relationship where you both grow together!

A guy has to meet at least several of these standards in each of the two categories to be eligible to date you. In fact, choosing from this pool of men will save you a lot of wasted time with men who are not into you, scoundrels who betray you, or narcissists who blame you for any and every problem. Using the DUD/STUD screening greatly increases your chances of finding your soulmate who loves you unconditionally and sets you up to have a solid, long-lasting love relationship. This means that your partner is your best friend who overlooks things you do that tend to turn men off.


If a guy passes the test, give him a real chance, even if he is balding, paunchy, nerdy, or is not particularly attractive. In fact, you want to date against type. Even if you are not exactly blown away by a person on the first date, remember to stay open. If he passes the DUD/STUD Test, go for at least a second or third date. You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting him once. You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his different sides.  Remember, you are breaking your patterns that turn men off.  The patterns which have been ruining your chances of finding your soulmate.

So here is the video I promised featuring the wonderful dating coach, Mark Rosenfeld!  In fact, Mark and I will do a deep dive into things that turn men off!

find mr. right this year
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Tired of loneliness and disappointment in your love life or marriage? This will change everything...

As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want-even when it seemed impossible.  I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.

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