How To Get Over The One Who Got Away
Do you ever find yourself longing for the One Who Got Away?
Do you compare every new dating prospect to this seemingly perfect One who got away? Find yourself hoping for him to return so you can both live happily ever after? The One Who Got Away may be an ex. Or, a guy you’ve had a crush on. Or, someone you’ve never officially met.
Sometimes the One who got away left you. Other times, you may have broken up with him. At the time it seemed like the right decision, but now you feel you’ve made the worst possible mistake. And yet other times, that one maybe have been unexpectedly taken from you. Either by another woman or even death.
It may feel impossible to move on because you believe no one can replace this amazing person.
I get it. It’s painful to lose a Beloved. You imagined a wonderful life together and now that’s all shattered. Even when that One is someone you just had a few dates with, you may have built up a fantasy which may be hard to let go. It seemed you were destined to be together. And then he became the one who got away.
It’s Time to Let Go
I honor your pain. Truly. But, it’s time to let go. Here’s why:
You deserve to be with a guy who WANTS you.
Someone who would move mountains to be with you. A man who makes you feel like you can be completely You.
Someone who cheers you on in life and wants to know all about your day.
I really want you to have the relationship of your dreams. But, as long as you stay focused on the One who Got Away, you and your life are on “hold” and out of reality. You compare every single guy you meet (and there are very few, because you have hit the ‘hold’ button on your love life) to the magical One that got away. And, big surprise, not one measures up. Yet you often complain that it is hard going at it alone. Down deep you feel empty, sad and–if you are honest–angry, rejected and heartbroken by your so-called partner.
Remember, the right guy will make you feel amazing, cared for and worthy. Right now, the One who got away isn’t exactly making you feel so great. Here’s the deal. If it’s meant to be, he’ll come back. But, now, you must move on.
My Two Favorite Exercises to Break the Obsession with the One Who Got Away
1. Write Your Own Prescription for Love
If you were your own best friend and love mentor, what helpful and loving advice would you give yourself regarding the one who got away? Write this out and post it in a private place, like your closet, where you will see it every day. Julia wrote:
You have to choose the ones that are into you!! Not chasing a ghost. You know you want a baby and there is no time to waste!!
2. The Loveless Eulogy
If continue this obsession with this One who Got Away, you will remain stuck. Contemplate living with this self-sabotage for the next 5 years. How old will you be? Contemplate being stuck in these limiting beliefs and patterns 10 years from now. How old will you be? Imagine how sad it will have been wasting all that time hoping this One would come back. How lonely you will feel. How hopeless.
Now this part is challenging—but I want you to go for it: Contemplate living out those patterns until you die. Now, in a journal, write a eulogy for yourself that describes the loveless life you have led. Do you want to be the person you’ve just described? You don’t have to be. Either you can keep the same scripts running your love life, or you can change them. It’s up to you.
Chances are very good that there is more than one person—in fact several “Ones”—who could fit the bill for you. Learn more about the finding the one for you.
Trust that the Universe will send you what you need.
The RIGHT ONE will stay.
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As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want - even when it seemed impossible. I’m Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
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