Soulmate Talking: The Power of Speaking Your Truth
Ever wonder how happy couples communicate with each other? What is the secret of their soulmate talking behavior?
Well, I just got an email from Ellen, in Iowa who’s feeling frustrated in her relationship with her live-in boyfriend:
Dear Dr. Diana,
Sometimes I feel like it is impossible to tell my boyfriend what I really think, feel or even want. Even though it is so important to me to feel like I am understood in this relationship. I’m afraid it is all too much for him. Or that he will disappear on me. What should I do?
Ellen, speaking your truth is vital to creating a real love that lasts. I call it Soulmate Talking.
Here’s an excerpt from my relationship advice book, 30 Days to Love: The Ultimate Relationship Turnaround Guide . It’s free right now with Kindle Unlimited. This little book will help you learn the skill of soulmate talking so that you and your partner can have more of your needs met in the relationship:
“We all have to have courage to have loving straight talk with our partners. I call this Soulmate Talking– communicating who you are and what you really need. Here’s how the great psychoanalyst and philosopher Erich Fromm described it:
“There is nothing of which we are more ashamed than of not being ourselves. And there is nothing which brings us greater joy and happiness than to think, feel, and say what is ours.”
How Happy Couples Use Soulmate Talking
Healthy partners clearly explain what they think and feel. More importantly, they express what they want and need so that they can help each other win and come through for one another. They make statements like, “Honey, I feel a bit lonely. Please sit with me,” or “Sweetheart, I’m really tired and would love it if you cleaned up the kitchen tonight.”
How often do you find yourself in an inner rant, full of resentment because your partner should have known? It is amazing how we all get into the expectation that someone should be able to read our minds and just know what we need. And, of course, deliver it. This is simply not fair.
So in the next day or two, please avoid relying on mind reading, in which you assume that your significant other should just “get” what you really want and provide it without you having to ask. This negative pattern sets your partner up to fail, which creates disappointment, anger, and emotional alienation.
Ask For What You Need Lovingly
The idea that makes it all work is to lovingly say what is on your mind and ask for what you need. Take some quiet time alone and journal about it a bit to understand exactly what you do want. You will gain a lot of clarity that way.
There’s another benefit gained from expressing your truth and, most importantly, your deeper needs for encouragement, support, and dedication. We now know through research on healthy couples that having your partner’s help in growing as a person and vice-versa also improves the quality of the whole relationship. In fact, as Pearl Buck once said, “Love dies only when growth stops.” So reach for your courage, take a risk and practice soulmate talking. As they say, No guts, no glory.”
One of my personal reasons for writing about soulmate talking is that I’ve found that many women find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to speak their truth in a way that it can be heard. Yet it is absolutely essential for a true passionate relationship. If you do not speak your truth, a distance will grow between the two of you and love will disappear from your relationship. That’s when people start having affairs. And not with each other.