Do you believe there is a soulmate out there for you?
If you said ‘yes’, you’re not alone. Studies have shown that over 90% of young adults believe in the concept. And 88% believe that destiny has determined that there is one and only one person who is your soulmate or twin flame. Amazing, right?
But the soulmate idea also carries with it the belief that a perfect person exists for us, if only we could find him or her. Then love and life would be easy. This last belief has gotten people into a lot of trouble, especially in the area of commitment. By insisting on finding a perfect partner, many people have walked away from really great potential partners. Why? Because something was missing. Maybe it was chemistry or that he/she didn’t match their ideal of the One.
What do you believe? After the video I’ll share how psychologists look at soulmates and my take on the debate.
Video on What to Look For in a Potential Soulmate
In this video, I share my insights into what makes someone a potential soulmate. Plus, what if you thought you were with your soulmate but the connection is no longer there? I also suggest a simple step you can take to rekindle your love.
Research on soulmates and love relationships
So what does science have to say about soulmates? Psychologists have found that people fall into two groups on the question of what makes for a successful relationship. Group one believes it’s based primarily on finding the “right person” (soulmate); while group two believes in the “work at it consistently” approach to lasting love. The soulmate group believes that choosing the right person helps overcome most of the problems that love throws our way. And if it doesn’t go so easy, we must have picked the wrong person. So therefore on to the next partner.
The “work at it” group believes that there are no perfect princes or princesses and that we are all works in progress. Therefore, a lasting love relationship is never an easy process and we shouldn’t ever expect that.
Which group do you fall into?
My Take on the Soulmate Debate
I’ve been a psychologist for more than 35 years and married to one man for the same long stretch. I can tell you that there are no perfect partners out there. Not me. Not my husband. And, not any of my many clients, friends, or family members. True love is a hard-won battle of personal discipline, compromise, dedication and commitment. Oh yes, and great passion for each other.
So first off I want you to know that, chances are very good, there is more than one person, in fact several Ones who could fit the bill for you. And all of them are less than perfect. But if there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether your current partner can fit the bill as a soulmate?
The 11 Signs of a Potential Soulmate
Here’s a full list of 11 signs you can use to evaluate whether the person you’re with could be your Soulmate. Many of these are based on research on healthy relationships and long-term happy couples.
1. When you’re with him you feel like you’ve come home.
2. In your communication with each other there is a rapid “knowing” of what each of you means.
3. You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family.
4. When you’re together the world seems like a better place. And your mood is elevated when you’re together. It’s not necessarily passion or excitement, although that’s there too at times.
5. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.
6. You feel like your partnership was meant to be as if kissed by destiny.
7. Your relationship is suffused with a lovely sexual chemistry at times.
8. When you look at him you see a part of yourself that’s been missing. Perhaps it’s his assertiveness or joy of adventure. But it’s something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.
9. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.
10. Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people.
11. These special qualities of connection are growing over time. Not disappearing completely or diminishing.
How to Evaluate your Potential Soulmate Relationship
Don’t worry if you don’t feel all 11 of these things happening when you’re with your potential soulmate. That’s where the imperfection comes in–either in you or your partner. If you’re experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you’re matched well. Over time you can work towards having and sharing all 11 of these soulmate qualities.
Are you afraid that you’re missing out on finding a real soulmate? Tired of relationships that don’t live up to your hopes? If you want help finding the One in 90 days, better understand men, and cultivate a passionate relationship with your partner, try reading all the posts in the Soulmate Blog.