How Do I Know If I’ve Found My Soulmate? 11 Signs.

soulmate 11 signs

Do you believe there is a soulmate out there for you?

If you said ‘yes’, you’re not alone. Studies have shown that over 90% of young adults believe in the concept.  And 88% believe that destiny has determined that there is one and only one person who is your soulmate or twin flame. Amazing, right?
But the soulmate idea also carries with it the belief that a perfect person exists for us, if only we could find him or her. Then love and life would be easy.  This last belief has gotten people into a lot of trouble, especially in the area of commitment. By insisting on finding a perfect partner, many people have walked away from really great potential partners. Why? Because something was missing. Maybe it was chemistry or that he/she didn’t match their ideal of the One.
What do you believe? After the video I’ll share how psychologists look at soulmates and my take on the debate.

Video on What to Look For in a Potential Soulmate

In this video, I share my insights into what makes someone a potential soulmate. Plus, what if you thought you were with your soulmate but the connection is no longer there? I also suggest a simple step you can take to rekindle your love.

 

Research on soulmates and love relationships

So what does science have to say about soulmates? Psychologists have found that people fall into two groups on the question of what makes for a successful relationship. Group one believes it’s based primarily on finding the “right person” (soulmate); while group two believes in the “work at it consistently” approach to lasting love.  The soulmate group believes that choosing the right person helps overcome most of the problems that love throws our way. And if it doesn’t go so easy, we must have picked the wrong person. So therefore on to the next partner.

The “work at it” group believes that there are no perfect princes or princesses and that we are all works in progress. Therefore, a lasting love relationship is never an easy process and we shouldn’t ever expect that.

Which group do you fall into?

My Take on the Soulmate Debate

I’ve been a psychologist for more than 35 years and married to one man for the same long stretch. I can tell you that there are no perfect partners out there.  Not me.  Not my husband.  And, not any of my many clients, friends, or family members.  True love is a hard-won battle of personal discipline, compromise, dedication and commitment. Oh yes, and great passion for each other.

So first off I want you to know that, chances are very good, there is more than one person, in fact several Ones who could fit the bill for you. And all of them are less than perfect. But if there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether your current partner can fit the bill as a soulmate?

The 11 Signs of a Potential Soulmate

Here’s a full list of 11 signs you can use to evaluate whether the person you’re with could be your Soulmate. Many of these are based on research on healthy relationships and long-term happy couples.

1. When you’re with him you feel like you’ve come home.

2. In your communication with each other there is a rapid “knowing” of what each of you means.

3. You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family.

4. When you’re together the world seems like a better place. And your mood is elevated when you’re together. It’s not necessarily passion or excitement, although that’s there too at times.

5. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.

6. You feel like your partnership was meant to be as if kissed by destiny.

7. Your relationship is suffused with a lovely sexual chemistry at times.

8. When you look at him you see a part of yourself that’s been missing. Perhaps it’s his assertiveness or joy of adventure.  But it’s something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.

9. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.

10.  Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people.

11. These special qualities of connection are growing over time.  Not disappearing completely or diminishing.

How to Evaluate your Potential Soulmate Relationship

Don’t worry if you don’t feel all 11 of these things happening when you’re with your potential soulmate. That’s where the imperfection comes in–either in you or your partner. If you’re experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you’re matched well. Over time you can work towards having and sharing all 11 of these soulmate qualities.

Are you afraid that you’re missing out on finding a real soulmate? Tired of relationships that don’t live up to your hopes? If you want help finding the One in 90 days, better understand men, and cultivate a passionate relationship with your partner, try reading all the posts in the Soulmate Blog.

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.” ~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

57 Comments

  1. AS on April 6, 2011 at 3:24 am

    I believe that we have more than one person during our life time that can be a soul mate. It depends all on timing and the lessons that we have to learn from dating & relationships… But ultimately any relationship has to be worked at consistently.



  2. Steve on November 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    does it really mean that if you’re soulmates you have to end up together?



  3. Dr. Diana Kirschner on November 15, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    No. You will have a number of matches who feel like soulmates!!! You need other components, like being best friends to create love that lasts!



  4. Natalie on November 26, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    Love. This. Article. While I used to belong in the camp of “One and Only Soul Mate”, now I realize after being in a 3 1/2 year relationship that as much as we fit, we still have to work at it. And, the rewards are countless.

    I cried during your 11 points, because that is us. I am happiest and at most peace when I’m with him, and love when he texts me in the middle of his work day with… “Sigh… I wish I was with you right now.” or simply, “I miss you.”

    He always says, “There’s nothing we can’t work through as long as we keep talking.”, and I completely agree. 🙂



  5. Sue on January 15, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I feel most of the above . I have known him only for three months though and ours is an “arranged marriage”. I don’t however have a crush on him or long to see his face. I love his voice though and nothing comforts me more than his voice.
    Its worrying me .



  6. Dr. Diana Kirschner on January 18, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Dear Sue,
    What you can do is use one of the laws of attraction from Sealing the Deal–which is to act like you are having an affair with your husband. Be flirty with him!! Build the chemistry. You could have a fantastic relationship!



  7. Love on January 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    A soulmate is a person that you can’t live without.You will love the person from the deepest part of your heart.You actually don’t have an answer or reason why you love the person and you always think of that person all the time. The more you spend years together the more you will love the person more. Despite his/her weaknesses, you will still long to be with that person. If you feel the above mentioned signs………welcome…you have found your soulmate.



  8. Tammy on February 5, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Dear Dr. Diana,
    This soulmate thing has always been something I used to talk with my friends about, we always hoped it exsisted but it was never on my mind as much as it has been in the last year. Strangely, I never really pieced any of this together until he asked me if I believed in soulmates and if we might be. We met at age 13, 26 years ago, and quickly became best friends…talked to each other about everything. The first moment I saw him I had this instant connection like some kind of drawing to him and knew I wanted to know him more, however, at 13, who knows the truth behind feelings. He also told me of his first time he saw me and told his friend at that moment, thats going to be my wife one day. As we played with each other as children we agreed that if we weren’t married to anyone by the time we were 28 we would get married and have 6 children, you know, kid things…or at least thats what I thought. Things happened in our life and he moved away. Parental divorce and other relationships ect… At age 17 I recieved a letter from his father and his father asked me to come visit him where they had moved to. I chose to go visit and I had no clue what had happened to this boy that was my best friend, we had lost connection. I didn’t know he was living with his father at the time but when I got there and saw his face, we instantly hugged and as always since we were kids kissed and connected again. This time, to make a long story short we ended up in a sexual one night stand and didnt speak to each other for almost 4 years. He stayed with his father and I went home. At age 21, I had 2 children and needed to move on with my life so I moved back to the town we had met in. I was in my apartment for almost 3 weeks when I recognize a person going into my laundry room and just had to see who it was… it was him. I called out his name and he turned around. we stared into each other’s eyes for approximately 30 seconds before he and I both did what comes naturally and hugged and kissed each other, couldn’t let go because it felt so good and right. I can’t explain it any better than saying our bodies fit together in an embrace eventhough I am slightly taller than him. well, after talking for what seemed like 20 minutes in reality hours had gone by, I found out he had moved back and not only had he moved back into the same complex but into the apartment right upstairs from mine. We fell instantly back into best friendship he meeting my boyfriend and I meeting his girlfriend. We could not help flirting with each other. It was wrong but it felt right. We had a very romantic Valentine’s Day together and produced our son. We never became a couple, in fact, our son pushed us apart and we didnt speak for 11 years. We saw each other in a supermarket and kissed again. Like nothing terrible ever happened. We were both married to someone else. We said good-bye and didn’t speak for another three years. Out of the blue…once again, we met up. He and I were both divorced but seeing other people. My boyfriend and his girlfriend in my car, all friends, I was clueless of what was coming next… he wanted to meet his son. He told his aunt he didn’t want me in his life again but he was helpless and he don’t know why. He couldn’t stop himself and he walked up to the window of my car and kissed me on my lips.. we ended up staring into each other’s eyes for an awkward amount of time right in front of them, however, it felt as though we were the only two people in the world. We were alone together again for just a moment. Reality hit, he backed up and asked if he could meet our son. We were both 36 by this time. Our son now 14 and he agreed to meet him. He also met my youngest son and I met his two children one boy and one girl… now making a total of 6 kids between us… hummm. We began thinking of the children and trying to bring them together… beaches, amusement parks, regular parks, we did all this together and weirdly enough began to call ourselves a family. One that lived two separate lives but all 6 kids became brother’s and sister in less than a month. He and I still calling each other friends but the best of and eventually spending every waking hour with the kids and each other… well, as you can figure it broke me up with my boyfriend and he decided to leave his three or four girls also (he could never be faithful to anyone, said it just wasn’t right). We were only friends but needed no one else. The little bit of flirting that we have always done and the unbelievable connection we have became unbearable and he and I began hanging out together alone. I eventually spent the night with him but only to feel him hold me and him the same way… no words, no touching inappropriately, just holding each other as tight as any two people could completely dressed in pajamas. Just listening to each other breath and each other’s heartbeat. That became an addiction and eventually it happened every other night. We couldn’t sleep unless we held each other.. in a position that would put most peoples arms asleep but it never hurt us, it was comfortable. We still fit together, bodies changed over the years and still we fit together. I couldn’t stay with him any longer because i was allergic to something in his home so he bought a house and we began living together. We were always friends but he wanted a relationship so I let him go so he could be happy… while I was there, we lived as a couple doing everything a married couple would do but we never fought, it scared me… I thought that two people would fight or argue but we only got as far as saying that we had to agree to disagree and it was over. No more arguement. He told me I’m his soulmate, tells his children that I would have been his wife if things were different. We lived together for a year. I finally let him go so he could have a real relationship. I just wanted him to be happy, I never cared about my own happiness. I found myself crying over him which is something I never do… well, I guess to make a long story shorter, we still can’t stay away from each other and his girlfriend hates me so much I’m not allowed at his home. My home is no longer mine and I know he isn’t happy either. He only smiles when he has seen me. Our son and his niece tell me this. He went away with his girlfriend for 3 weeks hoping he could fix this and he can’t. He called me every day either in text or straight call. I told him I don’t want to come between them but I think its too late. I think he is stuck on whatever it was we have. He asked me to go away with him and he is still with her. He loves me and told me this today… my question to you is, Did I make a mistake letting him go? Is he my soulmate? It’s the first time in our 38 years I question this. I even know in my heart that this isn’t over…that one day I’m going to make love to him again. I know that I love him more than I have ever loved any man in my entire life. I only miss everything about him. Did I make a mistake?



  9. Dr. Diana Kirschner on February 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Dear Tammy,
    This is an extraordinary story. and you are in a very complicated situation. I suggest that you have a consult with one of my expert Love Mentors to discuss the situation. Just go to http://www.lovein90days.com/coaching and sign up for your free 40 mimnute session by phone or Skype. Wishing you love,
    Diana



  10. Cacao on June 25, 2013 at 1:33 am

    A soulmate is a person that just by looking at you make you feel the best of yourself, makes you love yourself and do whatever it takes to make him feel the same. Cause it is beautiful to even think in each other. It’s heaven on earth, and inside of your heart! Not too much effort is needed, cuz every effort is perfectly done! No question asked, cuz we believe in each other…



  11. Liz on July 1, 2013 at 10:38 am

    I know that the notion of having one true ‘soul mate’ is not a popular one, but I love the idea!



  12. Christian on July 8, 2013 at 9:38 am

    My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be precisely what I’m looking for. Do you offer guest writers to write content for yourself? I wouldn’t mind producing a post or elaborating on a number of the subjects you write related to here. Again, awesome weblog! Christian http://www.xfire.com/blog/biurorachunkowewroclaw



  13. Megan on November 17, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    I went to a concert for my favorite band alone when I was 17 and I introduced myself to two nerdy friends. I ended up hanging out with them for the entirety of the day, and then making actual friends with them (some of those friendships still exist to this day, 7 years later.)

    I eventually formed a band with the two people I introduced myself to. I started hanging out with these people almost every day. I ended up spending time with one in particular, my guitarist at the time. We became best friends, and I fell in love. We stayed best friends for a very long time. He was in a long term relationship. We spent almost every day together – writing and playing music, laughing our asses off, having intellectual conversations.

    Eventually there was drama in the band, and his gf didn’t like me, so when I quit the band, it was welcomed.

    We stayed civil and distant for a long time. I felt betrayed and I lost that connection I felt with him, and I never felt a connection like that again.

    I had seen him a few times within the past years, but I had been in a long term relationship, and I made sure to control myself in his presence when I did see him. No long hugs, no intimate talks – but I still felt a sense of betrayal any time I would see him, because of the feeling it gave me in my core, I didn’t get that anywhere else.

    One time, I went to see him, and I felt sick to my stomach with guilt, knowing that my love never went away. My car (or my ex bfs car) broke down on the way home, literally a block from this guys’ house. I cried because my loving, caring boyfriend was coming to save me while I went to go see someone who didn’t make an effort for me, that I loved unconditionally nonetheless.

    I know deep in my heart that when I was unhappy in my relationship, when I broke it off because I never got happy – I waited because I thought “maybe what I felt was immature, maybe this is mature love” I lied to myself and my boyfriend for a very long time, hoping I would grow into our relationship.

    I reached out to my “soulmate” shortly after I broke up. We hung out a few times, me making most of the effort, but him giving me just enough to make me think “oh my god, it’s finally happening, finally this feeling is mutual.”

    I slept with him, and he’s just been stringing me along ever since. I feel used, stupid, ugly, and horrible about myself, and yet, there is this resistance inside of me that says don’t give up. I feel like I would rather love more, than be the one that loves less ever again. I feel like I have this connection with this man, that cannot go away.

    He says he feels a connection too, but he hardly talks to me and I’m ready to just give up although the thought of that makes me so sad.

    For the record, I like being single, I actually like focusing on myself and I won’t waste my time on someone who doesn’t feel compatible with me. He is the one exception. I am usually smart and able to walk away. I can’t, and I’m borderline obsessed.

    It’s been 7 years, I have DATED many guys, been in relationships, and yet this guy I’ve never gotten much reciprocation from still holds my heart, and it feels right to me, it feels like destiny and I feel crazy.

    :/



  14. Dr. Diana Kirschner on November 18, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Hi Megan
    This is so honest and thoughtful. You are an amazing person who has found herself yearning for an emotionally unavailable guy. It’s heartbreaking but you have to let go. Because your holding on is the only obstacle to having an actual intimate relationship not with a fantasy but a real man. All mental obsessions prevent us from being in the here-and-now. If you like I will set you up with an expert relationship coach to help you deal with this difficult situation. I wish you healing.
    Dr. Diana



  15. tiffany on January 21, 2014 at 11:19 am

    i think i have found my soul mate but i am a married woman i have been married with kids for 4 years i care about my husband but he has never loved me we dont sleep together we never had a hunnymoon we argue he tells he to die all the time i couldnt take it so a week ago i got on a internet site and this guy messages me and he was local and we met and right away we both felt connected we have everything in common we share our thoughts when we kiss its more than just kissing its a feeling i cant even describe its a love we have never felt before i am a breast cancer patient an he has offered to go to my surgury with me wensday and support me through it my own husband refusedd to go with me and says its not his problem now my husband is a great guy he saved me he made me turn my life around when we met and he gave me 3 beautiful babys i dont want him to get hurt but this guy i met i cant stop thinking about him we spend every miniut together talking holding each other my heart tells me he is the one but i dont know what to do about my husband if i leave he will take my baby from me i am so confused my question is am i wrong ? is this my soul mate? i dont want to make a mistake



  16. Dr. Diana Kirschner on January 21, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    Tiffany
    You are on a really a tough spot. I’m going to personally email you a recommendation for professional guidance. For your sake, your husband and the children.
    Much love
    Dr Diana



  17. JoJo on February 5, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    This person makes you feel complete. He make you feel you want to do your best & they don’t judge you. You feel somewhat shy, but you can be yourself. If they are not available emotionally/already attached, you just still want them to be a part of your life no matter what even if you can’t have them romantically. It won’t matter, because just being around them makes me you feel more confident and secure. He motivates me and has my spiritual growth has become stronger.



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  19. mary on March 7, 2014 at 10:34 am

    I am wondering if my bf is my soul mate or not.

    We met when I was 17 and fell madly in love, but it wasn’t easy – he was still in love with another woman, we had a fun but difficult, first 3 years together. With my mature mind on me now I should have left him years ago, but I was young, in love and stubborn. I wanted him so much I stuck by him through everything. Now we have been together for over 5 years.

    I am 23 now and I am wondering if it is ‘true love’ , if so why was it such a struggle to begin with. We get along well and live together, its not really romantic but it works. My mother believes marriage is about companionship over love, my mum and dad are not romantics but have stuck together for 35 years.

    Does a soul mate really exist, perhaps I have high expectations of a fairy tale romance.



  20. Dr. Diana Kirschner on March 14, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Dear Mary
    Loving another and forming a relationship that grows is never easy. Soulmate or not. If you want to discuss your situation further please sign up for a free love mentoring session.
    Wishing you love
    Dr. D



  21. Sue on March 17, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    I think I have met my soul mate. I had left a long term relationship that wasn’t working. I moved house and met someone I got on with so well from the moment I met him. I think our first meeting lasted well over a hour and I continued to visit him in his shop and have many discussions. He could finish my sentences along my line of thought and I physically felt sensations in my heart and solar plexus. For weeks following, I felt an elevation of my own natural joy whenever around him as I continued getting to know him. I feel an energy connection when I look into his eyes and I’m at the point where I sometimes feel shy because of the feelings I have when around him. The only thing is he has been living with a girlfriend but it isn’t working well and it seems that he would rather be single. I don’t know if he feels the same about me because nothing has been said. But, I feel like I can see it in his eyes too. We have both had a very positive influence on each other’s dreams and we are both doing better/being more positive in our chosen fields. I don’t know what to do and if this is the real thing or not but I feel that it is because I am quite level headed sensitive, intuitive person. I wonder if I should tell him how I feel. Whenever I have said positive things about him, he does seem to reiterate the same about me. I know in my heart I really love him and even if there is no romance, I know we will be lifelong friends. I have had lots of ‘signs’ as well that seem to tell me there is something between us. Any advice/comments? best wishes, and lovely site you have here. xxx



  22. Dr. Diana Kirschner on April 24, 2014 at 7:14 am

    Dear Sue,
    It is wonderful to have that special experience with a guy that feels so right. In this situation, i think it would be best to pursue the friendship and be patient. Over time, more will be revealed as to whether he will break up with his girlfriend. I would only enter a romantic relationship with him if/when he ends it with her. There are a number of soulmates for each person, not just one. To give you a hand with building your own self esteem and happiness while you wait, pick up a copy of The Diamond Self Secret: Say Goodbye to Your Inner Critic & Hello to Self-Acceptance, Serenity & Lasting Love.
    Wishing you love,
    Diana



  23. Sarah Purdy on December 30, 2014 at 2:08 am

    Thanks to this article, I know exactly what to watch out for! Can’t wait to find mine.



  24. Emily on January 16, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    I met my soulmate or so i think. When i first met him, i instantly felt a connection, like he is just like me, i felt an unexplainable faith for him, knowing that he is the only one who can understand me, who i can tell my darkest secrets, who i can let my guard down, and i wanted to be close to him immidiately. But at the time, i wanted to be friend with him then things happened and i just don’t want to anymore. Then one day we were alone and started talking. And again. And i knew that i was going down that path again. So i just don’t start conversations with him anymore. Then one day, something happened and i reached out to him. And we became friends. I questioned myself, some part of me always feel like somehow we will be push to one another no matter what, and it happened eventually. I feel safe, comfort and peace around him but i don’t think my feelings for him is love. He is just a really important person in my life, someone that i can’t allow to lose that i can even accept being his girlfriend if he asked even though i’m not sure about my feelings. But i don’t know if he thinks that i am his soulmate or not and i fear that i met him too soon and i am scare that someday i will lose him.



  25. Dr. Diana Kirschner on January 20, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    Dear Emily
    These are natural feelings in this situation. Might I recommend that you discuss your romance with one of my expert Love Mentors? We are here to bring a loving relationship that much closer.
    Love Dr. Diana



  26. Mary on February 6, 2015 at 10:31 am

    @ Dr. Diana what would you call this and what advice can you give me? I met a guy almost two years ago. We were pals for a brief period and then one day, he left after a visit and never came back. Was I too boring? Was he simply uninterested? These I’ve never stopped wondering since then. There’s been hardly a day I don’t think about him for almost two years! I deleted his number out of frustration because it was unreachable and I felt like a fool. My feelings for him have kept me from giving other guys a chance. Anyway I got his number from a poster of something and I don’t know if I should seize the opportunity and relive myself or just ignore and not make a fool of myself.



  27. Dr. Diana Kirschner on February 8, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    Mary
    You need to let go and turn it over to your Higher Power. When a man behaves like that you also need to move on. It sounds like you need help with your obsession. Please contact me at Love Mentor for a free session to help you get relief.
    love
    Diana



  28. Teja on February 18, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    Hi Diana,

    I have been with my gf for last 5 years. We had a soul connection in the early days and finally in 2014 we started to live together and both of us were working in new jobs and new careers and for 6 months things got tuff where we were yelling at each other almost on a daily basis. Almost about day to day detail like we don’t go out all we do is save, you are lazy, dinner isn’t ready, i am stingy and don’t spend an money on her, all i do is work for 14 hours a day, the room is filty….etc…

    She went overseas for a month in December 2014 and during that time she cheated on me with a old friend she met.

    She returned on 3rd Jan 2015 and while we lived together she didn’t talk to me for 10 days. I thought its ok we are taking space but she has been talking dirty with the guy every night and day any chance she got. After about 10 days of no contact, i got sick of it so took her out to brunch and she said we should break up. I got really upset because i was waiting for her to talk to me for so long patiently and she wanted to break up. That night i was looking into her emails and found out about the affair. When i confronted her she agreed to not talk to him any more. Two days later she changed the pin on her phone again, i though it was just her feeling insecure.

    I wanted us to stay together a couple of weeks while we work through this however she was insistent on moving out. I wanted her to be safe so i moved out instead and let her keep our rental apartment. She
    ​ said we are done and expects nothing of me, would like my friendship if possible thou.

    She has been in communication with the other guy a daily basis and if the feelings stay wants to get marry the guy but cut me out completely.

    ​I “accidentally” ran into her after a couple of weeks of no contact and I texted through the day, cold one word replies from her and ended the day by saing “We had 50/50 fault but her cheating was a 100% her fault.” Shed asked me to leave her alone.

    She’s convinced herself what we had as unhealthy and is done analysing the relationship and happy to be single, in reality i told she’s spending alot time with the other guy. All our mutual friends tell me she’s happy now and moved on.

    What do i do? I actually love her alot and i am one that can see the bigger picture, where as she only feels in the current moment.

    Kind Regards,
    Teja



  29. Dr. Diana Kirschner on February 19, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Dear Teja,
    You sound like such a great guy! At this point it is important for you to concentrate on developing your own self-love and self care. I know you want your girlfriend back, but the best way to optimize any sliver of hope there might be to get her back is to build what I call your Diamond Self identity. This is the identity where you feel like you are getting your mojo back. You have been through a lot in this relationship. The ebook I recommend for you is The Diamond Self Secret: Say Goodbye to Your Inner Critic & Hello to Self Acceptance, Serenity & Lasting Love. When you develop yourself, you will be in a much more powerful position to attract true love, whether it is from your girlfriend or another wonderful woman. Wishing you love!



  30. zach on February 28, 2015 at 12:35 pm

    I met a girl in my college academic upgrading Chem 30 class that I immediately took a liking to. We started studying together and this has only furthered my attraction to her. Last night we went to a pub to study for a change of scenery and a drink but just ended up having a few drinks and talking to each other. She and I are so much alike (our beliefs, our thoughts about the world), she even said I was like her other half or something along those lines. I have never been able to open up to another human being like I did with her and after last night I fell so hard for her. I feel as though she is my soul mate and I want to tell her how I feel but here’s the kicker – she has a boyfriend of 5 years that she is going to marry and it’s tearing me apart. I wonder if she feels anything for me or if it’s just another case of me having a crush on a woman that doesn’t have any attraction to me whatsoever. Right now I feel everything on that list for her but at the same time I can’t tell her how I feel because it would scare her away and she is the kind of person I want in my life even if just a friend. I can see into her and I get the feeling she can see into me. Yet I don’t know if she knows the way I feel about her or if she’s just playing dumb about it because she loves her current bf. I don’t know what to do, they say love is the best thing in life but right now it feels like the worst.



  31. Dr. Diana Kirschner on February 28, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    Dear Zach,
    You two are young and there is a chance she can fall for you. In college people change. Sometimes their high school sweethearts no longer have the same connection for them and this could happen for your friend. Just continue to have fun with her!!! Help her study. Be flirty. laugh. touch her arm. give her a soft kiss on the cheek that lingers and moves across her cheek to her ear or towards her mouth. See how she responds. Best of luck!



  32. cindi on June 14, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    Hi doc,

    Did you see The Bachelor season 19 the one with Chris Soules the farmer? At the end, he claimed to be torn between two women and had to make a choice. Many of us could see the love in his eyes for the woman he didnt pick at the end of the show. You couldnt miss it. I felt embarrassed for him when he talked about her or looked at her that connection was so strong. He couldnt hide it. We could not feel or see that same adoration for whitney the woman he did choose. There were reason he chose wrongly but it would take too long to explain. My question is if its possible for a person to miss their soulmate for whatever reason? To have them slip througj their fingers?
    Thank you
    Waiting for your reply

    Cindi:-)



  33. Dr. Diana Kirschner on June 17, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    Hi Cindy! I did not see the show. But people can easily miss their soulmate–because they may not be sufficiently developed in terms of their self esteem to go with their gut, their true feelings! Instead they do what they think others would approve of! This is a recipe for relationship disaster.
    Wishing you love!



  34. shakeela on November 17, 2015 at 5:52 am

    Hi.. Its my first time reading about you… And I’ve read your 11 signs… I’m in a relationship for 2 years now, n none of them meets with my partner.. Instead every one of the signs is with my recently new friend… We met bout 5 months ago and we get along so well.. I’ve opened up to him bout certain things my partner and I hardly speak bout… And since day one, his been there like thru everything… And we just clicked from day one… His met my partner.. And somehow they get along but they don’t get along…. And I love my partner… But is it possible that my friend might be my soulmate…?? He challenges me with everything we do, or maybe its just friendly



  35. Dr. Diana Kirschner on November 17, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    Hi Shakeela,
    Yes, it is possible your new friend might be your real soulmate. Please take your time and see how things develop with your partner. And with this new guy. It would be a horrible error to get married to the wrong person!
    Wishing you love,
    Diana



  36. kloe on January 8, 2016 at 5:38 am

    Hi doc.

    Well at first I dont really believed in soulmate or even in destiny. But when I visit your site and read this 11 signs of knowing your soulmate. I feel excited and want to try and see if this sign will happen to me and to the person I’m in love with. Its kind a weird trying this to the person I don’t really know if he likes me no love me too.

    What if at first half of the sign was right but in the end he just see me as a friend. I really want to try but afried.



  37. Sophie on March 4, 2016 at 10:43 pm

    Love these 11 tips! They are so important to have in a relationship.



  38. Dr. Diana Kirschner on March 5, 2016 at 8:15 am

    Hi Kloe! When the person is your soulmate, the relationship just works! Go ahead and flirt with the guy some and see what happens!



  39. Lucas Asu on March 31, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    How amazingly extraordinary would your life when you meet you soul mate? How would you feel and how would love that soul mate?

    Soul mate presuppose a perfect woman or man. I really do believe you can have that perfect person in your life, but there’s a law of life you must first fulfill and that is “you must become what you wish to attract.” You will find that perfect person (soul mate) the day you become a perfect man or woman.

    You can have the quality of relationship you desire as long as you work on developing and embodying those standards, values, beliefs, personality, behaviours and social traits you seek in that person you wish to have in your love life. Anyone can attract a soul mate for a few days or a month, but they most often lack the capacity and congruence to nurture, growth and sustain such a magnificent relationship for eternity. So become what you wish to attract. When you do, you will have it. If you don’t, then “soul mate” will continue to be just a myth.



  40. Sienna on April 11, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    I definitely believe in soulmates, but my definition extends beyond the traditional idea of The One. What I believe is that a soulmate is a person with whom you are unexplainably drawn to be in a relationship. Soulmates are brought into your life so that you can grow and expand into the best version of yourself.



  41. tim viec lam quang ngai on July 31, 2016 at 11:20 pm

    This site was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something which helped me.

    Thank you!



  42. Magdalena on October 3, 2016 at 9:49 am

    I believe I found my soulmate but it kills me that he is so far away, we met on holiday but live in different countries. We’ve kept in touch since the day we parted ways. He is also *sigh* 9 yrs younger and says we can’t have the future we’d like because of this. Yet neither of us can seem to let go. Even if there is a possibility of someone else, closer in age & proximity, I want him. So bad. Why is love such a tease sometimes? I cannot possibly think of any lesson to come from this.



  43. Nicole on December 3, 2016 at 5:10 am

    I met Andy when we were children, 12 and 14, and I knew in that moment that there was something special going on. We are now 44 and 46 and he is married, unfortunately, not to me. We were together at 19 and 21, that was the last time I saw him. We have been communicating again for the last 5 years. He is my best friend and our connection has only grown…..at least until a few months ago when he decided to cut off all communication with me. He has said things to me, for example, that he wished he knew what God had put in front of him a long time ago. He’s said that he chose the wrong path and feels that he’s with the wrong person, he’s said that he loves me and believes that he would have been a better person if he would have stayed with me ect. However, he has chosen to stay with his wife, who knows of me but doesn’t know the extent of our emotional relationship. I am a divorced, single mother of 4 wonderful children whereas his only child is now in college. I read your 11 tips and we meet every single one on a huge level. I love him so much that I’m doing my best to respect his decision even though I don’t agree with it. I believe we were and are supposed to be together. I miss him so much everyday and don’t know what to do about it. I know he’s not happy and it kills me. He stopped talking to me because, in his words, he wants me to move on and be happy. But I honestly don’t see how or believe that I can be happy, at least not as happy, without him. I feel so lost. I really don’t feel that there is anyone else out there for me. I’ve loved him since I was 12, he was my first sexual partner and my first love. It took him several years to discover what I knew instantly. I try not to think about him, I try to move on but I don’t know if I can. Do you have any advice for me? I told him I would wait for him but he won’t let me. He’s a family man and says he’s going to keep his promises to his wife. I think he is doing this out of duty. What can I do? What should I do?



  44. Dr. Diana Kirschner on December 3, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    Dear Nicole,
    This is such a difficult situation to be in! My heart goes out to you! Here’s the thing–there is more than one soulmate for each person. What this means, is that you could find a man who fits you perfectly, one who is available. If you sit waiting for Andy, you may just wind up being alone for years. I strongly advise you to look for a new soulmate–one who is better because he is truly available and wants only to be with you.
    To learn more about how to find your soulmate, read Find Your Soulmate in 6 simple Steps.
    Wishing you love!



  45. Dr. Diana Kirschner on December 3, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    Dear Magdalena,
    There truly is more than one soulmate for each person! I would suggest that you look around to find a soulmate who lives near you, one who is available and wants only to be with you!
    Wishing you love!



  46. dawn on December 8, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    I felt all of this with a man I had been speaking with, texting, skyping and all with for a couple of months. I was over the moon and like wow–I can’t believe this. This is the man I’ve looked for all my life. I was just so excited and then his mum had some issues and I never heard from him again. I was totally heartbroken. a month later I feel empty as if I’ve been robbed; I have a hole in my heart and I’m still dumbfounded that someone can have that type of effect on me. I needed him and now I’m just left empty. I don’t understand it but all I can say is I thought I met him and now he is gone. Everything he had done and said left the same impression but still nothing. I have no idea what to do. I’m alone.



  47. Dr. Diana Kirschner on December 8, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    Dear Dawn,
    I am so very sorry this happened! It can be so very hard when this feeling of abandonment happens. I recommend you read the chapter on healing from a broken heart in Love in 90 Days. It can really help you. And remember, there is more than one soulmate for each person. Look for the next one–who can be even more available and physically there with love for you!
    Wishing you great love!
    Dr. Diana



  48. Leighann Baker on January 25, 2017 at 4:40 pm

    I have know this guy my entire life, what started out as friends became best friends and and after that a connection was formed, one that we hadn’t even realized how deep it was. But everyone else seemed to notice, swearing that there was something going on between us when we weren’t even sure ourselves. It was like we had always been drawn to each other. And then sadly we lost contact & that was hard enough to deal with. But 2 years later he came back into my life and that bond, that connection was stronger than ever. It wasn’t long after that that we hooked up and it was the most amazing feeling (both physically and emotionally) i have ever had. This person i could be completely myself with, comfortable with, safe with. Throughout the next couple years, even though it was never made official, we had seen each other as both friends and lovers. Sharing fears, comforting each other on said fears, sharing love that had long been beneath the surface. Running to each other after a bad day. Pointing out, helping with, loving each others faults. There was nothing about him i didnt know, and vice versa. I’ve loved others, ive lost others. But NOTHING in this world could ever describe the loss, the emptiness, the incompletion I feel since hes walked away. To loose a best friend is bad enough, but when that best friend is your soulmate, the only thing in this crazy world that made sense, the instantaneous way your day felt better just from thinking if his name or his voice, its so indescribable. Its like a piece of yourself is missing, gone completely. And no matter how many times you try to convince yourself to just let it go and move on, it is impossible. There is no letting go and just moving on when the other half of your soul is gone.



  49. Dr. Diana Kirschner on January 25, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    Dearest Leighann,
    My heart goes out to you! I know this experience of finding your soulmate and then losing him is just devastating!
    I know it doesn’t seem possible, but I want you to know that there is more than one soulmate for each person! Usually there are several!
    Now that you have had that soulmate feeling, I suggest that you go out there and date and find it again with someone new. I know you don’t feel like it! But it is so important to move forward. If you would like more support at this critical time, consider having a free consult by phone or skype with one of my expert Love Mentor coaches. They are so caring and full of knowledge and have supported many women going through heartbreak. Just go here and fill out the form to get your session.
    Wishing you deep healing and love!!!



  50. Kenneth on February 5, 2017 at 12:56 am

    I feel like I have met my soul mate. I just started working with her and every single day we end up matching in wardrobe. It’s crazy. She is younger than me, and I am not the type of guy she goes for, because i am definitely late to bloom financially. She confides in me for everything involving advice about an ex she can’t get out of her head, and she is very open to with me. She never talks to people about things like this she tells me. I get so excited to see her, and I love everything about her, even when she is at her worst, and her character flaws like pride and ego get in the way, I still love being near her. She is beautiful and she makes me want to be a better man. I almost feel like I am working there just to see her her. I know she loves the same things as me. We want kids and to be married, but I get this feeling she doesn’t see it, or she doesn’t want to believe she clicks with a guy who is at his worst when it comes to my financial situation. I don’t feel like she flirts with me except when I get to work she points out that we match, and she flips from flirt to boss very quickly. She shows more excitement for the guy who has been there for a while and has a girlfriend. She is very much in need of wanting to feel financially secure. I know she believes in my potential and she always says, I am in a good mood today. Like it just dawns on her that she was in a great mood all day. She knows my past with women is exactly what she doesn’t want. She doesn’t want to have someone mouth off her. She has worked very hard for her money and does not come from money. Her father worked his butt off, and her goal is to take care of her family one day. I have never wanted to give someone the stars more in my life. I wish she would give me a more black and white indicator that she wants to be with me or can she us together. She is so quick to shoot down any topic relating to the two of us, and I will give her compliments very often in a subtle manner, but she has to know. Even though I pretend that I am in a relationship and I don’t think about her all the time, I think she knows, but maybe she doesn’t fully understand how I feel. I don’t want to be rejected, and I think she doesn’t quite see the connection we have. It is not a warm secure feeling, as much for her I think, because she is stable and has a foundation monetary wise. I know that she has too much focus on financial security to see me the way I see her, because i can’t provide it for her yet. If she only gave me a hint or stepped out of her poker face mentality long enough to let me know that she is attracted to me. She lists all of the good qualities I have in terms of work ethic, but she sees me as weak I think. She is not as deep of a thinker as me. I can tell I would need to be well financially to get her attention, and that sucks because if she were to reveal her feeling if they in fact do exist, I would do what ever I had to do to make her happy. However, the idea of her not choosing to show me affection or attraction until i am already a sure bet, will turn me off. I know what is special about her, and I know what we could be and what she could do for me, motivation wise, but having faith in someone you like and truly opening your heart to them, and waiting to see if they get there life together financially before she decides to say anything is a completely different story. I think I will probably quit, because I can’t take being around her, knowing she is perfect for me, and not feeling the truth be reciprocated, because she has to recognize it. There are too many similarities between us. But to be fair, I can not be mad if she is interested in someone who is successful already because she has her life to think about and I believe we both see marriage and family on a realistic level. I think if she knew how deeply I felt, she might have more faith in my ability to follow through and make the changes necessary to be in a position where we are both happy together. i don’t like feeling weak around her, it’s a huge feeling of disappointment that I feel comes over her face. I hate when someone tells me they see the potential in me. I want her to show me some kind of sign that she wants to be with me, but she is to closed off, and looking for something old a familiar. I am a big ? In her mind. I am a mystery kind of. But part of me thinks she is just very good at hiding what she feels, as to not lead me on when she is not sure how I will perform. I have enough intuition to know that there has to be some kind of chemistry between us. I believe she is fighting a feeling she can’t ignore. Then again. I could be so far out of touch with reality that I don’t realize she see nothing about me tnat she wants romantically. We don’t get super excited with each other, it’s more of an enduring long sense of happiness that is there, mixed in with the reminder that I am not where i need to be financially. I really wish I could just tell her, but I don’t think she is ready for that kind of honesty. Any ideas?



  51. Dr. Diana Kirschner on February 6, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    Dear Kenneth,

    This is such a difficult situation to be in! My heart goes out to you!

    First of all, I noticed that she is your boss. This creates problems because of laws against sexual harassment in the workplace. I have no idea if she is truly interested in you, but if she is, she may be holding back because of this issue. So that is one thing to consider.

    The next thing is that perhaps you could use the love you feel for her to fuel a whole new level of success in your work–a level that will lead to you fulfilling your potential in every way. Love is often the driver when it comes to personal growth! This then might open new doors of possibility with her.

    In any case, if things do not work out with her, please remember that there is more than one soulmate for each person! And when you meet a new soulmate, things can flow very quickly!

    I wish you all the best of luck and love!



  52. mel on February 22, 2017 at 9:06 am

    we always looking for more ………….



  53. Jenn on April 22, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    There is this guy I work with that is absolutely amazing. We have almost everything in common, he teases me on small things and always makes me laugh. Ever since I had the revelation that I’m crushing on him, I have more enthusiasm and want to make myself better. Unlike other crushes I’ve had in the past where I clamp up and just smile getting the butterflies, with him, I don’t get butterflies exactly, but more of a feeling like a warm softness, kinda like I’m standing in front of a warm sunset I guess. However my issue is I can’t tell if he does these small gestures to me as being friendly or if he is interested, it’s hard to tell considering that we are the only two people in the same age group while everyone else is older than us at work. I see a future with him past the image of a wedding ceremony and we’re not even dating. Help me please.



  54. Dr. Diana Kirschner on April 23, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    Hi Jenn!
    Assuming he does not work for you, and you don’t work for him (which would complicate the whole situation and potentially bring HR into it!) I would start flirting more seriously with him–ie, touching your hair or neck when you speak to him, giving him a cool nickname, like, “Captain Jack,” giving him compliments that are sincere, etc.
    And see where it goes!
    Wishing you love!



  55. Retta on May 24, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    Hi. I had met this guy online 15 years ago. I live in the western world he in middle east. We had an instant connection online. We spend 2 wonderful years online together and many phone calls. We fell deeply in love. He sent me a ring when I got it he asked me to marry him. We knew it would be hard but we were willing to try. We spent endless hours online in cam. Then 2 years later he was gone with only an email. Telling me to forget him and to live my life as he was sick and to know he loves me and always will. I knew this guy would never be far from my heart he was to one my one true love my soul mate. It took awhile to livemy life. I finally met someone new we had a connection but it was not at all like what I felt with first guy who I call my twingate.
    The 2nd guy and I married and been together 12 years now and have kids together. There has been alot of problems in our marriage I love him yes but it’s not this deep love and passion I had for my twin mate. Just before I married my husband my twinmate came back online to tell me truth of what happen. He said his dad forced him to marry a girl there which was an arrangement made when the girl was younger. He told his dad no he refuse to marry a girl he disn’t want. His dad as many families do in mid east. His dad said you will marry her for if you not I will no longer be your father and you will be pushed out of the family that he would be dead to them. As family is everything in middle east he married her. And he did not know how to tell me this so he thought to say he had cancer I be able live my life.
    He told me he has never forgot me and that he still loved me deeply. That I am his one true love and cannot love her as his heart was for me. After this chat with him I left and moved on got married. I try to forget my twinmate but he would always come to my mine. And when I learn from my husband that in middle east if your paren’t say no you don’t do it. Both men are from middle east. Just husband was in states.
    From time to time I try to search in for my twin mate on social media but never any luck. After awhile I stopped looking cuz it was to hard.
    Then only this month on mothers day I decided I needed to search one more time and this time I found him. 15 years later and I found him again I was scared he would not remember me or even want to talk.
    But I was wrong he remember me well all I had told him about my life he still remembers. He said he had searched me for last 9 years and could not find me. We both had our social media site made so it was hard search. He used differ names for the site I used my name but had set so no one could search me up.
    His story has not changed after 15 years it’s word for word. He said his heart broke when he married her for years he left her in their native country while he work in another. He said he always wanted to be with me and loves me still as much he did before. Just that it was not our time and the Lord had differ plans then us. The distance was the worst.
    I did not think a love could last like that and times I though I was just a game but after talking to him again aND his story all same not one bit of differ I feel this is real.
    We been back now talking daily for almost two weeks catching up. He says his love is still strong for me and wants me and he feels it will happen as the load gave us each other again.
    We both married to others we both have kids. Yet we love each other and want to be together. Now it’s harder as his country is under the band for travel. He says thst we have to have patience and a love like this will figure it out. All your 11 signs I feel when I am talking to him. I feel alive when I’m talking to him. Each day with him is a happy one something I not feel in a long time.
    Please help wit any advice. Can you love some one so much your whole life and they love you back but never end up together.



  56. Jim Ramsey on June 21, 2017 at 3:06 am

    I am recently divorced and I decided to go onto a online dating site. I talked to a couple of women and really didn’t connect with them. I had given up on the site but then I had someone message me saying their were interested so I decided to give her a try and start talking to her. We have been talking for about 5 days now. We started e-mailing then texting and finally talking on the phone. She has really put a smile on my face. We haven’t met face to face but plan on it real soon. Here is the kicker. We have a ton of things in common i.e. hobbies, values, interest, we both came from bad past relationships but here is the real kicker it’s like we know what each other is going to say before we say it. I have never met this person before in my life and we live about 15 apart. It’s almost like met before but havent. She’s been divorced for 5 years and its been a little over a year for me. Now as I said we’ve never met each other yet but I have this feeling that she is the one I’m suppose to be with. I’ve heard about soul mates before. Could she really be my soulmate? I’ve dated a lot of women and I can tell you the feeling I have right now I never had with any of the other women I’ve dated or were married too. I don’t want to say I’m in love with her because we have never met yet but I have this feeling that I should love her. I know I want to see where this leads but it’s like my heart knows this is the one for me. Any advice?



  57. Live-n-learn on September 12, 2017 at 7:35 am

    I thought I found one of my soulmates but after being with him for four years it all ended very bad due to me contacting his wife, even ended with a lawsuit that he asked to have a no contact clause included. I felt like he was the one but I was wrong. I’m happy to have found out he has a very dark side I hadn’t noticed but at times still miss the passion and love we shared.



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