Shy on a First Date? Seven Tips to Make You Sparkle

shy woman

Shy On a First Date?

After a great app and text romance, text jokes, and a few one hour soul-to-soul phone sessions, it is time to meet the possible One at the local Italian place.  When you look in the mirror nothing seems right. So you notice the bulges around your thighs and the gap between your front teeth. What are you going to talk about on that first date? Good grief! You feel like you’re all the way back in high school.
You seem to have a PhD in shyness.  And you know just how awkward things can get when you get tongue-tied or feel intimidated. There is nothing quite as intimidating as being shy on a first date with someone who seems like just the right match; a hottie who fits you like a silk glove.

Seven Dating Tips for Women who are Shy On a First Date

1. If you are meeting your date in-person, make yourself beautiful or attractive IN YOUR OWN EYES (which are the eyes that really count).  Definitely, take your time to do this. And, make sure you dress down or up so you fit in and feel comfortable at the meeting place.

2. Have topics ready to discuss around movies/TV shows, books, and news that you both may find interesting (nothing political).

3. To avoid being shy on the date, prepare your answers to the questions, What’s new?  What have you been up to?

4. When you get to your first date, smile and give the person your full attention.   Notice very carefully what they are wearing and other details about your surroundings.  The cut of his shirt, the color of the molding on the walls, how the waiter is dressed, etc.  This will get your attention off yourself. Attention that is stuck on yourself is the whole basis for shyness!!

5. Ask general, casual, open-ended questions like, How did your day go? What was it like where you grew up? How did you get interested in X?   What drew you to my profile? Pay attention and enjoy the sound of your date’s voice as he/she answers these questions.

6. Avoid discussing old boyfriends or relationships. It’s the number one conversation killer on a first date. Don’t talk about marriage, kids or sex. Or discuss debt or health problems.

7. At the end, if there was any connection at all, tell your date how much you enjoyed talking with him or her and that you would like to continue it sometime. This is especially important if you’re a successful woman.

For more tips on making your first date memorable read this.


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Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.


  1. Emily on April 2, 2014 at 5:05 am

    Great advice, first dates are usually quite nerve racking especially for someone who is shy, but with these tips it will make it a lot easier.

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