Happy Couples Four Sex Secrets
Did you ever wonder what the best sex secrets of happy couples are? Most people can’t imagine how partners in long-term happy couples keep the passion and sizzle going.
Well one of our Love Mentoring clients was certainly mystified. Bridget signed up for ongoing dating coaching. And within the year found new charisma and new confidence. And the great love of her life, John, a warm chiropractor. The chemistry with John was like a scene out of Fifty Shades of Grey. He was crazy about Bridget. And after a few months of keeping him waiting, she was finally ready to answer ‘yes’ to his requests for exclusivity. And ‘yes’ to his longing to get more intimate.
But she was worried about being sexual. Bridget was never able to feel very passionate in all the years of her 20-year marriage. And she felt like a novice in the bedroom. Terrified that things would go south (and not in a good way). That’s when her Love Mentor taught Bridget the four best sex secrets of happy couples. And that could make her love with John play out in the most fulfilling way. In the most passionate way. And I am happy to say, the four best sex secrets did just that.
Bridget handled her sexual life very well in that she did not have sex prematurely. But once she did start, she made a commitment to learning about how to enjoy great sex. And learning about the four best sex secrets of happy couples. Making love is a not a good idea before you have a serious committed relationship. But once you are committed, having the best sex possible is very important. It helps your relationship last and get even better over time. And the four best sex secrets helped.
Did you know that really fulfilling sex releases endorphins. And that elevates mood, lowers stress and even pain levels? After having satisfying sex, each partner associates feeling good with the other. Testosterone, the sexual hormone engine for both men and women, also generates feelings of connection. Finally, having sex drives up levels of oxytocin (the cuddle, tend & befriend hormone). That explains why for many men, (and women) having sex is usually synonymous with feeling intimate and close. So how do you create the best sex? Read on for the best sex secrets of happy couples.
#1 Sex Secret of Happy Couples: Novelty
Dopamine is one of the infatuation brain chemicals that gives us that awesome over-the-moon feeling. It is produced when we first fall in love. And then through new and novel activities keep dopamine infatuation going. Well, nothing keeps the dopamine going more than novelty in bed. So the #1 best sex secret of happy couples is: vary the places you make love, vary the way you set the stage through candlelight, a bubble bath, feathers, sex toys, whipped cream, or new kinds of lingerie and sexy outfits. Vary your foreplay and try different sexual positions.
You might end up laughing yourselves silly as you experiment. Neither my husband nor I is a gymnast, so some of the Kama Sutra is a laugh riot for us. Take it all as fun and games. In the end, make sure that both of you are fully satisfied. No matter whether that’s achieved orally, manually, or through intercourse.
Sex is a wonderful gift to be enjoyed and shared by both of you. Good, frequent sex promotes your own physical and mental health. And that of your man, and the vitality of the relationship. Among other things, it is associated with a reduced incidence of breast cancer in women who have never had a child. And more restful sleep, greater pain relief and elevation of mood. And, looking younger, overall fitness, longevity, and happiness!
Sex Secret of Happy Couples – #2 Sexual Trance
- Sexual trance involves an inward focus where each partner focuses on his or her own pleasure and sensations. And creates a fulfilling sexual release. In win-win sex, each of you is pleasured and finds a strong release in orgasm. Learn by experimenting so that you know what works for him. And what works for you. This is an important best sex secret to passionate long-term happy couples that my coaches teach.
- In order to learn what works for him, try touching, massaging, licking, or stimulating all the different parts of his body. Observe and ask him questions about what feels good. Try different sexual acts, variations of intercourse positions, and, most important, oral sex. Virtually all men adore oral sex. This is what men really want. If you have a problem with this, consider the fact that if your man showers, chances are his mouth has more germs than his penis does!
Sex Secrets of Happy Couples – #3 Learn What Works for Your Partner
In order to learn what works for your partner, try touching, massaging, licking, or stimulating all the different parts of the body. Observe and ask questions about what feels good. What creates a hot vibe between you? It is all about the energy connection between you–don’t worry about your technique! Just play and experiment. Sometimes touching the inner parts of his thighs, or around his nipples may be very arousing. Try different sexual acts, variations of intercourse positions and oral sex. Most men adore oral sex. If this is a problem for you, you may be able to find a way that it works for you, ie, doing it while he is wearing a condom or just for a little while.
Sex Secrets of Happy Couples – #4 Discover What Works for You
Ultimately you are responsible for knowing your body and creating the conditions for your own sexual pleasure. The best way to do this is by using what sex therapists call sensate focus. This simple but effective sex secret requires only that you be in an undisturbed place where you playfully touch and stimulate different parts of your body and learn about what sensations feel good to you. You’ll find it’s best if you tease yourself but don’t reach climax. Learn how to arouse yourself first; the rest will come easier.
The more you know about your own body, the better your lover will be able to please you. Guide him or her by saying positive things like, “I love it when you stroke my breast gently.” Or “I would love you to use your magic mouth on my tummy and work your way down.” Or you can say, “That is wonderful! Could you stroke me a little (slower/faster/in a teasing way/ with lubricant/using your tongue, etc).” Be validating and then very very specific about what you want, when you want it and for how long. Your partner will be thrilled with how responsive you become to him and his touch. And you will be over-the-moon with pleasure and fulfillment.
Be sure to visit our Happy Couple page for a lot more information (~7,500 words) on intimacy in passionate marriages!
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.