Top Seven Urban Love Legends
When it comes to dating and love relationships there are certain “love facts” that most everyone believes.
But, surprisingly, research about these “love facts” shows they are not facts at all. They are only urban love legends. So separating love fiction from love fact makes you an informed “consumer” when it comes to your dating and love life.
Here are seven of these top urban love legends and what the research actually shows us to be true about them.
Urban Love Legend 1. The divorce rate in the country is 50%
Fact: It’s never been 50%. It’s actually 41%. The odds are better than you think. And a college education decreases the likelihood of divorce. This is shown by more sophisticated research.
Urban Love Legend 2. You have one soul mate and meeting that “One” is the key to finding love.
Fact: Research shows that love and marriage take hard work, including commitment, positive communication, and the ability to resolve fights. The best relationship advice I can give you is that you need to work on yourself and choose someone, a good friend with chemistry, who’s willing to grow with you. These are the keys to a happy marriage. Sorry, no fairy tale.
Urban Love Legend 3. When you are married fighting is an unhealthy thing.
Fact: Couples who suppress their anger have a mortality rate that is twice as high as those in which one partner stands up for him/herself. Fighting with your spouse and then resolving differences is a healthy thing.
Urban Love Legend 4. Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend gives you a better sense of who your partner is and will make for a stronger marriage down the road.
Fact: In general, couples who have not lived together before marriage have healthier and more successful marriages. They also have less conflict, less abuse and are less likely to get divorced than couples who live together before marriage. However, a more recent study shows that couples who have committed to be married and live together do have a 28% decreased risk of getting divorced. Also, after age 45 there seems to be no difference in happiness levels between those that are married vs. those that are living together.
Urban Love Legend 5. On the online dating websites the majority of men are lying about themselves.
Fact: Independent research shows that the number is much less than 50%. Common lies concern income, profession, age, marital status and weight. And of course the women lie also.
Urban Love Legend 6. It’s better to wait until you’re more mature and get married in your thirties rather than your twenties.
Fact: People who marry after their mid twenties just as likely to get divorced. And surprisingly are much more likely to have a poor quality marriage than those who married earlier. Unless you get married in your early 30s because of educational reasons. Then your chances of a high quality relationship are just as good.
Urban Love Legend 7. Choosing marriage means more stress and financial drain in your life.
Fact: Hundreds of studies conducted around the world show that happy couples are healthier than singles emotionally and physically and they have more wealth too. Except for the crying babies, diapers and the ongoing lack of sleeplessness that children can bring on :).
You can learn much more about urban legends and the latest research on love relationships and dating in my relationship advice book, Love in 90 Days.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.