The Self Sabotage Dating Quiz

self sabotage dating quiz
Do you feel like you’re on a dating or relationship treadmill where you’re attracting guys who wound you? Where you get disappointed over and over again in the same old way? Here’s my Self Sabotage Dating Quiz to help you have a breakthrough in your love life.

A self sabotage dating pattern will sneak up on you, often when you least expect it.  Even though you vowed that you’ve learned your lesson and will never be cheated on, left, or heartbroken by the same type of guy again.  In fact, you do wind up in the same heartbreaking situation again. This repetitive behavior comes from a secret self-sabotage that ruins any chance of lasting passionate love.

The Self Sabotage Dating Quiz: The Five Primary Types

What’s behind the self-sabotage? Your unconscious mind. And it tends to be most drawn to the kinds of partners and relationship scenarios you’re used to. This is a natural process that typically stems from your childhood experiences and early relationships. Your unconscious gravitates to what is most familiar and feels right. These are the guys you’ll tend to feel the most attraction with from the start. The problem is…

What is most familiar to you may not be ideal for you or even compatible with you in the long run. What feels right isn’t necessarily right.

So I call these unconscious behaviors the Self Sabotage Dating Patterns. In my book, Love in 90 Days, I’ve identified 13 main patterns that lead to heartbreak over and over again. For now, we’re going to zone in on the five primary ones. Once you understand your own behavior, you will not have to repeat it.

The Self Sabotage Dating Patterns Quiz: Determine your Pattern(s)

Group A. Answer the following questions. Do you:

  1. Act in perfectionistic & picky ways when it comes to men?
  2. Often have one-night stands?
  3. Fantasize & fall for men who are unavailable and out of reach?
  4. Sometimes get attracted to a nerdy guy when another woman is flirty with him.
  5. Find yourself getting swept up in fast-moving relationships?


Group B. Answer the following questions.

When it comes to men:

  1. You tend to be more conservative about your sexual activities & choice of a partner.
  2. Do you run away from relationships almost before they’ve begun?
  3. You believe there is one great love of your life, a soul mate prince, and you are holding out for him, not matter what the cost.
  4. You may be embarrassed to introduce your boyfriend to friends or family.
  5. Do you feel like men leave the minute you give in to their pursuit?

The Self Sabotage Dating Quiz: Determine your Dead-End Dating Pattern(s)

Group C. Answer the following questions

In thinking about your odds of having a “happily-ever-after:”

  1. You think you deserve the fairy tale and are picky, picky, picky.
  2. Forget that! You are into no-strings-attached sex & fun.
  3. You take crumbs, although they appear to be like lavish meals, from a semi-available guy.
  4. Are pessimistic and do the best you can with whoever shows up & sticks with you.
  5. You rush in, believing that the magical feeling of love will conquer all.


Group D. Answer the following questions.

Your biggest heartbreak:

  1. Was that things didn’t work out with a guy who seemed absolutely perfect—you found out he had a fatal flaw.
  2. What heartbreak? You’ve been too busy having fun, especially in bed.
  3. Is ongoing—you have a relationship with an amazing guy who can’t commit.
  4. You don’t have really big heartbreaks. That’s for women who think only with their hearts.
  5. You felt like he tricked you — he pursued you hard then disappeared.

Group E. Answer the following questions.

A really clever guy would totally come through for you by:

  1. Making changes so that you presented a good couple image to the world.
  2. Hanging in there even though you tell him you don’t want a relationship and push him away.
  3. Giving you a platinum wedding, complete with a to-die-for gown.
  4. Being practical, useful and a good teammate.
  5. Really get to know you and no push for sex.

The Self Sabotage Dating Quiz: Tally your answers

Group A total answers:_________

Total B answers:_________

Group c answers:_________

Total D answers:_________

Total E answers:_________


The Self Sabotage Dating Quiz: Determine Your Primary Type (s)

Mostly a: Not Perfect, I’ll Pass – You interact with a number of men and quickly back out of seeing them because of various defects that each one has: this guy is too cynical; that one has bad teeth; the other doesn’t have the right job.

Primarily b: Chase Me – Almost against your own will, you find yourself running away while secretly hoping he’ll chase after you.

Mostly c: Crumbs – You tend to get involved with men (maybe he’s married or a hot irresistible player) who see you occasionally and only when it works in their schedule.

Primarily d: The Safety Net – You stick with the guy who is safe even though you really don’t like him that much.

Mostly e: The Flame Out – He comes on strong, says all the right things, then disappears the minute he wins you over.


Remember, the self sabotage dating patterns quiz reveals your unconscious behaviors. So, there’s no shame in what you discover here!


The Self Sabotage Dating Patterns Quiz: Success Story to INSPIRE YOU

Diane, who was caught in the Crumbs pattern (Group C), chose to escape it completely. She entered coaching with one of my mentors, got a new wardrobe, and threw out all her old clothes.  She started wearing colorful dresses that showed off her hourglass figure. Diane says:

My coach really helped me learn to experience myself as high-value and deserving in a way I never did before. This allowed me to finally become the one in charge of my love life!  I ended things with my on-again-off-again boyfriend, Larry.  And I began to feel free and more empowered.  Sorting out the guys who did not seem into me was a challenge at first, but then it got to be fun, like I was designing a dance card for a new me. I’m dating two different men who seem crazy about me and I just met a third at the gym. I feel like a mini-Bachelorette!  And I am having a ball!

Just like Diane, you can break free of your old self-sabotaging patterns and create a dating experience that is surprisingly great in a whole new way! One that leads to love that meets the calling of your heart.

I know you have more questions on this topic. So get them answered in a one-on-one session with one of my extraordinary handpicked love coaches.   Schedule below as my gift to you.




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As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want-even when it seemed impossible.  I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.

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