Secrets of Online Dating Success For Over 40s: Part 1

Secrets of Online Dating Success For Over 40s
Welcome to the Baby Boomer Dating Series. With more than thirty million unique visitors per month on U.S. dating sites alone, your chances of meeting the One online have never been better.  Even if you are over 40. But to get the most of your baby boomer dating experience, you’ll need to generate a lot of matches and expect to go through a number of DUDs (Definitely Unworkable Dudes) before you get to the STUDs (Seriously Terrific, Utterly Devoted Dudes.)

My secrets of online dating success will teach you how to sort through a large number of guys quickly, with minimal emotional reactivity in order to meet the good prospects.  And there are some great ones out there!  Our students have met holistic doctors, lawyers, talented writers and even celebrities and guys worth millions online.  Most importantly, they have met great partners who were just right for them.

Four Secrets of Online Dating Success

Secrets of Online Dating Success Tip 1. Your Photo is Everything

 Men are visual creatures.  When they scan women’s profiles, they sort based on photos.  Especially when you are over 40. According to Match.com, men are 14 times more likely to look at a profile that has a photo.  They can’t help it—this visual scanning behavior is based in their biology.  When men look at the faces of beautiful women, the part of the brain associated with dopamine — the all too powerful falling-in-love chemical of love — actually increases in activity. Men consciously and unconsciously choose beauty because it gives them a better chance at healthy reproduction.  Beautiful women are often healthier women with the right amount of estrogen.  I know this may offend you, but you can’t fight biology.

You can make it work in your favor, however. So first and foremost, you must put time and energy into getting your best photo for your profile.  You want a GREAT head shot of you, with no one else in the photo. If you’re thinking, “I’m not exactly Angelina Jolie — there go my chances!” think about all those makeovers you’ve seen in magazines and on shows like What Not to Wear: everyone is beautiful; it just needs to be brought out. You have to find your signature look: the hair, makeup and clothing that make you pop.

Here’s how to create your look:

Create Your Look 1.

Work on your haircut and get your make-up done or do it yourself so that you look and feel your best.  Most men like soft, longish, touchable hair and make-up that is not too obvious or overdone.  Splurge on getting an updated haircut from a trendy salon.  Get your makeup done for free at a high-end department store. (You don’t need to buy their high-priced products—duplicate the colors with drugstore brands if your budget is tight.)  Make sure you are surprised and happy about how good you look.

Create Your Look 2.

No matter if you have A cups, or DD, buy or find a flattering top that has a scoop neckline—you want to show skin up there, although not too much.  You want to look beautiful, with a touch of sexiness, as men like a hint of sexuality in a serious partner. However, avoid slutty.

Create Your Look 3.

If beautifying does not come naturally to you, get help from a Love Mentor™ (more on this below).  If you have played out the Hermit or Just Buddies deadly dating patterns, definitely do some work with a Mentor before your photo shoot. While you’re readying yourself for your photo, learn how to recreate your look for your dates.

Secrets of Online Dating Success Tip 2. Taking the Photo

  • Have a friend who is a fabulous photographer take 100+ head shots of you to find one that is so good it surprises you.  Make sure you take at least 100; although it sounds like a lot, the whole process will get you over the hump of holding back or being shy on camera.  You can also have your photo done by a professional photographer who knows how to interact playfully and help his/her subject be real. If you take this route, make sure your photo looks casual.
  • If you are having trouble loosening up, deliberately take some ‘bad’ photos where you are overly serious or silly.  This technique, used by professional models to warm up for a shoot, will get you into play mode and guarantee that some good pix will be snapped.
  • Make your photo warm and inviting.  As you look at the camera think about your love intention, i.e., something like, I give myself a warm, loving life partner.  Or imagine that a man you really love is giving you the biggest compliment!  Think about whatever brings a twinkle to your eyes and gives you a real smile.  Try heightening the contrast to make your photo pop.
  • Take a second or third picture that shows you in your element—whether that is at the top of a mountain or with your beloved pooches.  Again, do not include photos with others.
  • Take some full-body shots that are flattering to your figure. Experimentally add the best one to your profile to see how that affects your responses.

Online Dating Success Takes Effort

OK, I know putting all this work into photos or profiles may make you annoyed or squeamish about having to sell yourself.  But this is what it takes to go for it. You need to shine and distinguish yourself from others.  Yes, didn’t you do just that to get into college or grad school?  Or to get the job you wanted?  Now do it to get the love of your life.  If you want to ditch your single days you have to put your best self out there. The truth is, when people in our Love Mentoring program do it, their self-esteem skyrockets!  48-year old Liz puts it this way:
I worked on my hair, makeup and got a gorgeous outfit to have my photo done by a professional.  When I saw it I was blown away!  I’m a hottie now!  I’ve met two great guys online who I’m dating and there are more just waiting.

There are many other secrets to making baby boomer dating sites produce top-quality guys for women over 40.  If you really want to fast forward your success online and learn all the simple secrets that have helped many women in their 40s, 50s and 60s find the One, then I have great news for you. My expert Love Mentors™ will teach you these easy-to-use strategies and help you develop photos, screennames and profiles that will make you stand out. And it’s included in my love mentoring package. Better yet, if you like, I will personally review your online presence and rewrite your profile at no extra cost. To introduce you to this service you can have a free 40-minute online dating strategy coaching session with an expert by phone or Skype.

 

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.” ~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

3 Comments

  1. Beverly on July 17, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    Diana,

    Thank you for the newsletters.I just got your 2 books, Sealing the Deal and Finding love in 90 days. I cannot wait to read them. You give very interesting advice. I dated a guy for 7 months who I thought was great. Then he just stopped called and communicating . After about 4 weeks, he wrote saying that we just were not a good match. He would not even talk by phone.
    what a shock for me . I really think that he was a coward. Still thinking about him.

    M



  2. Dr. Diana Kirschner on July 18, 2013 at 9:33 am

    Thanks Bev! Hang in there. As you read the books you will learn how to find a great guy who is really into you for a lasting passionate love!



  3. Willard on October 20, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on relationship advice
    blog. Regards



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