Say Goodbye to Self Doubt About Finding True Love

self doubt in dating
Here’s a true story about one successful woman’s journey from self-doubt in dating to finding true soulmate love.  Lila, a highly accomplished forty-year-old pediatric nurse, had been through a heart-wrenching divorce.

Lila Shares Her Journey

My 15-year marriage had ended. And there I was three years later, unhinged and afraid to jump into dating. I had an extra 35 pounds of pudge rolling around my middle, a resentful mood and some very serious issues about being over the hill and unattractive. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I was starting to see the rotund shape of my mother. Which only made me want to eat more. My drug of choice: coffee Häagen-Dazs. Then because of the extra weight I developed a back problem and couldn’t exercise—I was sinking into fat city fast. I would say to my best friend, “Men want thinner women,” “I’m too old!”  Meanwhile I was truly lonely. I had always suffered from self-doubt when it came to men, but I was beginning to feel immobilized by it.

            Then I began seeing one of Dr. Diana’s coaches and saw that I was operating from a negative identity, “Unlovable Lila.” I felt very stuck in that old sense of self, but I forced myself to do what Dr. Diana calls Diamond Self work, focusing on what was attractive and lovable in my nature and renaming myself “Perfectly Lovable Lila”! It felt embarrassing at first, but I ditched the sweats, got a makeover, and put my best self out there. Each day I used the process and out would pop the playful engaging me, the person that expressed the passionate curious nature I had as a child.

 Lila Reinvents Herself

Lila continues: It has been a year since Perfectly Lovable Lila was reborn and I have to say that this is definitely one of the happiest times in my life. Even though I never lost that extra weight, almost every man I meet asks me out. And three different men have asked me to be exclusive! I feel great. I feel special. And empowered. I even asked for a new position more suited to my interests in pediatric oncology and received a raise at work. All thanks to the magic of the Diamond Self work. I am so grateful.

Lila was able to reinvent herself so that she released self-doubt about her ability to find love and became happier, more confident and better than ever. She created a vibrant dating life with great guys. All without losing any of the newly packed-on weight that seemed to stand in her way.

Impressive enough. But Lila also moved from a state of feeling isolated, and lonely to feeling inner strength, joy, and feminine connection. All within one year. Eventually, she went from dating three guys to settling down with one special guy.  How did Lila take this journey from self-doubt about her femininity to celebrating it? Through what I call the Diamond Self process.

The Diamond Self Process to Break Free of Self-Doubt

The Diamond Self (DS) Process is a new approach that allows you to give yourself instructions about who you want to be. Precise instructions that help you create inner strength, self-love, feminine empowerment, and greater confidence in every area of your life. Because it is aimed at the internal world, your mind and spirit, the DS process brings you greater fulfillment without having to struggle so much with obstacles in the real world. It helps you create unconditional acceptance, love, and validation for yourself as an attractive woman. And true confidence.

I can tell you that I have been 100 percent astonished at the life I’ve created using the DS approach.  My childhood experiences worked against me—I was born as an unwanted fifth daughter to a family that only valued and wanted boys. I used to weep about my parents’ misfortune in being stuck with me, another crummy, useless girl. As a young child I experienced myself as a major disappointment, a person who did not deserve to be alive. I felt so worthless that I became so shy to the point of being mute. My father often called me a “piece of shit” during his angry alcoholic binges. He once said that he gave me life and he had the right to take it away from me.

None of this was my father’s fault. Because he grew up in extreme poverty and had an explosive and abusive mother himself. He truly did the best he could. But my early upbringing left me with a very negative sense of self, especially when it came to relating to men. As a teenager and young adult, I became so anxious around guys even those who showed an interest in me that I could hardly even speak to them.

How My Self-Doubt Turned Out to be a Major Gift

Today I can see that all this self-doubt around men, turned out to be a major gift. Because I have had to work on finding my feminine self-worth and I discovered the Diamond Self work. And my own special gifts and talents.  My own self-confidence.  My true lovable nature.  The DS work has allowed me take a major step forward in every facet of living and enabled me to help millions of people.  And it has helped me to find true love and create a passionate marriage with my soulmate.

I used the DS secrets I am about to teach you to overcome my self-doubt and write bestsellers on dating and relationships, create my own one-woman PBS TV special–which is now an Amazon Prime Special, Love in 90 Days— and serve as a frequent guest on The Today Show. I’ve used the DS secrets to create an awesome team of Love Mentor® coaches who work by phone, Zoom and Skype to bring self-esteem, self-confidence, success, and soulmate love to thousands of people around the world.

As the Buddha says:

“There’s a treasury full of jade and jewels; it is in you. Don’t go searching far from home for it—it’s here.” 


The Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Exercise

Here is the very powerful Diamond Self Exercise. I designed it to create greater deservedness, self-esteem, feminine confidence and self-love. If you suffer from self-doubt, worry, anxiety, or depression . . . if you have a judgmental inner critic . . . if you feel invisible, nervous, insecure, or less-than when it comes to dating or love, this is an awesome exercise for you to do.

Read each Section of the Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Exercise

Read each section of the exercise and then close your eyes, taking your time to do each step.

  1. Remember a time when you felt good about yourself—alive, attractive, smart, passionate, confident, loving—lovable. Put yourself in the picture so that you are looking through your own eyes. If you can’t remember a time like this, imagine a scene where you would feel good about yourself.  Feel that completely.
  2. Imagine yourself better, even better. Imagine yourself five times better.
  3. Now take that image and bring it closer to you. Make it brighter, more colorful, clearer. Give it a sound track, a great sound track, magnify all those good feelings—make them stronger. This is your Diamond Self. Give it a name, a grand name.  Here are some examples to get you going:
  • Deserving Radiant Goddess of Love
  • Saucy Smart Minx
  • Beloved Mighty Isis
  • Happy and Fearless Light of Love
  • Vivacious Vixen
  • Joyful Chosen Magnificent Jewel 
  • Sparkling Confident Queen of Love and Light
  • Playful Precious Mesmerizing Lioness
  • Sparkalicious Loving One

Play with any Names that Come to You for a Minute or Two.

Then say your Diamond Self name to yourself. Note: You can always work on or expand it later.

  1. Shrink the Diamond Self, make it tiny, as small as a real diamond. Then put that image aside.
  2. Now find a different image at a time when you felt self-doubt or rejected, abandoned, betrayed or unlovable. An image that reflects negative self-talk, like It’s hopeless for me, or I’m too fat, too invisible, or too intimidating. We’ll call this your Disappointing Self.
  3. Take the image of your Diamond Self, make it the size of a hand grenade, and imagine throwing it right into the center of your Disappointing Self. Imagine it exploding and completely destroying the Disappointing Self.
  4. Now, instant replay. Imagine your self-doubt-laden Disappointing Self and throw the Diamond Self grenade into the center, blowing up the Disappointing Self again.
  5. Speed the whole thing up and repeat several more times.

Do this exercise until you cannot get a clear image of the Disappointing Self. Do a quick version of this process whenever you go to an important social event, a date or any time you need a lift!

How to Find a Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Name That is Just Right for You

Here’s how to know if a Diamond Self name is “right” for you: When you think or say it, you will feel excited, happy, even thrilled—but also, perhaps a little scared, embarrassed, ashamed, or silly. This is because you are stretching yourself. In fact, a true transformative Diamond Self nickname will call to you. In spite of some uncomfortable reactions, it feels good. And when you think or say it, your new nickname has a fun, joyful quality. Your Diamond Self name is so critical to the speed and success of your journey to full self-confidence in dating and love relationships.

Now that you have your Diamond Self name it is time to go shopping and dress “Lovely Irresistible Dancer,” or whoever has emerged as your unique new you. Pull a new look together by thinking about your validating name. Buy sexy lingerie and clothes that are in alignment with your new feminine self. Get a trendy  haircut that frames and showcases the beauty in that face you see in the mirror. Find jewelry that symbolizes her radiant, lively, confident, magnetic and loving nature. As Jess Scott says, “The human body is the best work of art.”


Bottom Line

If you would like help with building your confidence in dating and love, apply for a complimentary confidence-building session by phone, Zoom or Skype with one of my gifted coaches.

Remember, you can have it all! xo


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Are you a successful woman who is tired of having NO good men to date?  THIS  is for you!

Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women, including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!

I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah, the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days.  My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR.

I specialize in helping high-caliber women create feminine self-confidence, dating success, and passionate love matches.

I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference!

That's why I'm excited to offer a FREE Top-Tier Love Strategy Session via Zoom or phone with one of my gifted coaches.

During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique dating situation. You'll walk away refreshed and inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the top-tier love you want.  And deserve!

"I followed the program and enjoyed the process. I appreciate Dr. Diana planting very helpful seeds!"
-Hoda Kotb, The Today Show

Here's what women like you are saying:

"My love strategy session helped me to meet a really high-caliber guy!  In it I learned how to tweak my profile to attract great matches.  And my boyfriend is the best!  We are having a blast building our dream house and planning for a cruise to Tahiti ! -Darla, Psychologist & Author

matchmaker, dating coach, dating tips, dating & relationship advice"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me.  I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey, PBS Pledge Host


  1. Augustus on January 28, 2020 at 10:17 am

    your posts are amazing and relatable.thank you for sharing useful information and advise.

  2. Lee on October 8, 2021 at 7:58 am

    An awesome blog does not leave with doubt. If you are wanting to find true love, don’t ask for love and give yourself love. The best way to find someone to complete your life is to love yourself first.

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