Say Goodbye to Self Doubt About Finding True Love
Here’s a true story about one successful woman’s journey from self-doubt in dating to finding true soulmate love. Lila, a highly accomplished forty-year-old pediatric nurse, had been through a heart-wrenching divorce.
Lila Shares Her Journey
My 15-year marriage had ended. And there I was three years later, unhinged and afraid to jump into dating. I had an extra 35 pounds of pudge rolling around my middle, a resentful mood and some very serious issues about being over the hill and unattractive. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I was starting to see the rotund shape of my mother. Which only made me want to eat more. My drug of choice: coffee Häagen-Dazs. Then because of the extra weight I developed a back problem and couldn’t exercise—I was sinking into fat city fast. I would say to my best friend, “Men want thinner women,” “I’m too old!” Meanwhile I was truly lonely. I had always suffered from self-doubt when it came to men, but I was beginning to feel immobilized by it.
Then I began seeing one of Dr. Diana’s coaches and saw that I was operating from a negative identity, “Unlovable Lila.” I felt very stuck in that old sense of self, but I forced myself to do what Dr. Diana calls Diamond Self work, focusing on what was attractive and lovable in my nature and renaming myself “Perfectly Lovable Lila”! It felt embarrassing at first, but I ditched the sweats, got a makeover, and put my best self out there. Each day I used the process and out would pop the playful engaging me, the person that expressed the passionate curious nature I had as a child.
Lila Reinvents Herself
Lila continues: It has been a year since Perfectly Lovable Lila was reborn and I have to say that this is definitely one of the happiest times in my life. Even though I never lost that extra weight, almost every man I meet asks me out. And three different men have asked me to be exclusive! I feel great. I feel special. And empowered. I even asked for a new position more suited to my interests in pediatric oncology and received a raise at work. All thanks to the magic of the Diamond Self work. I am so grateful.
Lila was able to reinvent herself so that she released self-doubt about her ability to find love and became happier, more confident and better than ever. She created a vibrant dating life with great guys. All without losing any of the newly packed-on weight that seemed to stand in her way.
Impressive enough. But Lila also moved from a state of feeling isolated, and lonely to feeling inner strength, joy, and feminine connection. All within one year. Eventually, she went from dating three guys to settling down with one special guy. How did Lila take this journey from self-doubt about her femininity to celebrating it? Through what I call the Diamond Self process.
The Diamond Self Process to Break Free of Self-Doubt
The Diamond Self (DS) Process is a new approach that allows you to give yourself instructions about who you want to be. Precise instructions that help you create inner strength, self-love, feminine empowerment, and greater confidence in every area of your life. Because it is aimed at the internal world, your mind and spirit, the DS process brings you greater fulfillment without having to struggle so much with obstacles in the real world. It helps you create unconditional acceptance, love, and validation for yourself as an attractive woman. And true confidence.
I can tell you that I have been 100 percent astonished at the life I’ve created using the DS approach. My childhood experiences worked against me—I was born as an unwanted fifth daughter to a family that only valued and wanted boys. I used to weep about my parents’ misfortune in being stuck with me, another crummy, useless girl. As a young child I experienced myself as a major disappointment, a person who did not deserve to be alive. I felt so worthless that I became so shy to the point of being mute. My father often called me a “piece of shit” during his angry alcoholic binges. He once said that he gave me life and he had the right to take it away from me.
None of this was my father’s fault. Because he grew up in extreme poverty and had an explosive and abusive mother himself. He truly did the best he could. But my early upbringing left me with a very negative sense of self, especially when it came to relating to men. As a teenager and young adult, I became so anxious around guys even those who showed an interest in me that I could hardly even speak to them.
How My Self-Doubt Turned Out to be a Major Gift
Today I can see that all this self-doubt around men, turned out to be a major gift. Because I have had to work on finding my feminine self-worth and I discovered the Diamond Self work. And my own special gifts and talents. My own self-confidence. My true lovable nature. The DS work has allowed me take a major step forward in every facet of living and enabled me to help millions of people. And it has helped me to find true love and create a passionate marriage with my soulmate.
I used the DS secrets I am about to teach you to overcome my self-doubt and write bestsellers on dating and relationships, create my own one-woman PBS TV special–which is now an Amazon Prime Special, Love in 90 Days— and serve as a frequent guest on The Today Show. I’ve used the DS secrets to create an awesome team of Love Mentor® coaches who work by phone, Zoom and Skype to bring self-esteem, self-confidence, success, and soulmate love to thousands of people around the world.
As the Buddha says:
“There’s a treasury full of jade and jewels; it is in you. Don’t go searching far from home for it—it’s here.”
The Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Exercise
Here is the very powerful Diamond Self Exercise. I designed it to create greater deservedness, self-esteem, feminine confidence and self-love. If you suffer from self-doubt, worry, anxiety, or depression . . . if you have a judgmental inner critic . . . if you feel invisible, nervous, insecure, or less-than when it comes to dating or love, this is an awesome exercise for you to do.
Read each Section of the Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Exercise
Read each section of the exercise and then close your eyes, taking your time to do each step.
- Remember a time when you felt good about yourself—alive, attractive, smart, passionate, confident, loving—lovable. Put yourself in the picture so that you are looking through your own eyes. If you can’t remember a time like this, imagine a scene where you would feel good about yourself. Feel that completely.
- Imagine yourself better, even better. Imagine yourself five times better.
- Now take that image and bring it closer to you. Make it brighter, more colorful, clearer. Give it a sound track, a great sound track, magnify all those good feelings—make them stronger. This is your Diamond Self. Give it a name, a grand name. Here are some examples to get you going:
- Deserving Radiant Goddess of Love
- Saucy Smart Minx
- Beloved Mighty Isis
- Happy and Fearless Light of Love
- Vivacious Vixen
- Joyful Chosen Magnificent Jewel
- Sparkling Confident Queen of Love and Light
- Playful Precious Mesmerizing Lioness
- Sparkalicious Loving One
Play with any Names that Come to You for a Minute or Two.
Then say your Diamond Self name to yourself. Note: You can always work on or expand it later.
- Shrink the Diamond Self, make it tiny, as small as a real diamond. Then put that image aside.
- Now find a different image at a time when you felt self-doubt or rejected, abandoned, betrayed or unlovable. An image that reflects negative self-talk, like It’s hopeless for me, or I’m too fat, too invisible, or too intimidating. We’ll call this your Disappointing Self.
- Take the image of your Diamond Self, make it the size of a hand grenade, and imagine throwing it right into the center of your Disappointing Self. Imagine it exploding and completely destroying the Disappointing Self.
- Now, instant replay. Imagine your self-doubt-laden Disappointing Self and throw the Diamond Self grenade into the center, blowing up the Disappointing Self again.
- Speed the whole thing up and repeat several more times.
Do this exercise until you cannot get a clear image of the Disappointing Self. Do a quick version of this process whenever you go to an important social event, a date or any time you need a lift!
How to Find a Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Name That is Just Right for You
Here’s how to know if a Diamond Self name is “right” for you: When you think or say it, you will feel excited, happy, even thrilled—but also, perhaps a little scared, embarrassed, ashamed, or silly. This is because you are stretching yourself. In fact, a true transformative Diamond Self nickname will call to you. In spite of some uncomfortable reactions, it feels good. And when you think or say it, your new nickname has a fun, joyful quality. Your Diamond Self name is so critical to the speed and success of your journey to full self-confidence in dating and love relationships.
Now that you have your Diamond Self name it is time to go shopping and dress “Lovely Irresistible Dancer,” or whoever has emerged as your unique new you. Pull a new look together by thinking about your validating name. Buy sexy lingerie and clothes that are in alignment with your new feminine self. Get a trendy haircut that frames and showcases the beauty in that face you see in the mirror. Find jewelry that symbolizes her radiant, lively, confident, magnetic and loving nature. As Jess Scott says, “The human body is the best work of art.”
RELATED POST: SIX RED FLAG SIGNS YOU NEED A LOVE COACH
If you would like help with building your confidence in dating and love, apply for a complimentary confidence-building session by phone, Zoom or Skype with one of my gifted coaches.
Remember, you can have it all! xo
As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want - even when it seemed impossible. I’m Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.
I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference.
During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique relationship or dating situation. You'll walk away inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the love you want.
Here's what women like you are saying:
“My session was an incredible game-changer! I was finally able to see a way forward with my boyfriend and he has proposed!
I’m very grateful!” ~Jenn in New Mexico
“I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me. I found true love in three months!*. And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!” ~ Midge Woolsey
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.