Dating Dilemmas of Smart, Successful Women: 5 Crucial Keys for Overcoming Rejection
Scenario 1: You meet someone who seems amazing. You can tell he is really into you. A few more totally amazing dates go by, each one better than the first, and you can’t help it, but you’ve already started to fall HARD. Then bam! He sends a text saying he’s not ready for a relationship. You wonder: Was it because he found out about my crazy family? Did I chew my food weird on the last date? How come he intimated we had a future? Clearly something changed his mind.
Scenario 2: You go out on a limb and write the cute guy who kept looking at you on that online dating site. Then you wait… and wait. Surely, if he kept looking at you, he must be interested. Yet after a few days go by it becomes clear he isn’t going to write back. You wonder: Was it something I wrote? Why did he abandon me?
Scenario 3: You think you’ve met the love of your life. Perhaps you’ve been together for months to years. And then, he breaks it off, telling you he just isn’t ready. You’re left dissecting your entire relationship. You wonder: How did I not see this coming? Did I do something wrong? What can I do to get him back?
Any of the above situations resonate with you?
If so, you’re not alone.
Rejection is something that happens to everyone. And it’s not fun! It certainly doesn’t feel good to invest energy in someone, to get your hopes up, only to have them hurt you. Rejection can take such a toll that it can become tempting to put up walls or stop dating all together. And, let’s face it. It’s hard not to take it personally!
Here’s the thing. Rejection is an inherent risk you take when you put yourself out there in any area of life. You cannot get what you want—in life, career, and LOVE—without risking rejection! While there’s no way to avoid it completely, there are things to keep in mind that will make it MUCH easier for you to overcome it when it happens.
Rejection says absolutely nothing about your worth. Truly. Ask yourself, does this person know the real you? Most likely not! It takes YEARS to really know someone. IF someone rejects you after a few dates, they haven’t even scratched the surface. If they don’t write you back, well then they really don’t know you! And, if you’ve been together for some time, that person walking away is acting that way because of growing in a different direction. So, don’t add to the pain by buying into the myth that rejection means something about you.
Remember, the “rejector” likely has his or her own “stuff.” Trust me when I say this. I’ve logged countless hours coaching people with deeply entrenched commitment issues and dead-end dating patterns. Sometimes your love interest may be so immersed in his/her own stuff that they will repeat the same patterns with the next several women no matter how amazing each of them are.
Remember every “no” brings you closer to your “yes.” Dating is a numbers game. Each person is another stepping stone. Imagine what it would be like to think, ‘Why thank you for removing yourself from my path so I can move on to find the right one?’ And it’s true!
You don’t want him anyway. Yes, I know you are feeling pain. When someone you care about ends a relationship or declines to start one, the loss of the relationship or potential relationship is painful. But think of it this way: If someone isn’t stepping up or isn’t ready for a relationship, then any relationship you start with this person will be a fraught with back and forth drama. The love of your life doesn’t leave. Plus, the guy was just plain nuts to not see how amazing you are. His loss!
See this as an opportunity to become an even more amazing you. Although rejection isn’t personal, it does offer us a chance to evaluate and grow. For example, we often have certain dead-end dating patterns we unconsciously use to protect ourselves from getting hurt in love, but they can also push people away. All the frogs who walk away are growth agents which help prepare you for the right guy. Someday you’ll look back and thank that guy who wasn’t ready for a relationship because his walking away made you reevaluate the kinds of guys you were choosing and inspired you to work on your confidence. Without that experience, you wouldn’t have been ready for your meeting with the right One!
If you’re ready to take your power back in life and love, I’m here to support you! Keep coming back to the successful women blog. You will get fresh information on how to rebound from rejection, boost your self-confidence and find wonderful guys to date!. They are out there!
Remember, rejection is protection. Trust this!
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.