Overcoming Abandonment Fears
Overcoming Abandonment Fears
Do you ever feel like you have to be perfect or you’ll be rejected? Do you sometimes panic when you don’t receive a quick response to a text, email or voicemail? What about not speaking your truth in relationships because you think it might drive your partner away? Do you tend to settle for crumbs? These reactions could mean that you haven’t yet succeeded in overcoming abandonment fears.
Abandonment is a Primal Fear
Abandonment is primal in that it often stems from childhood experiences. If you experienced parental attachments that were cold or distant, you may have unconsciously created a sense of self as invisible, worthless, or not belonging. This fear can also develop later in life after a devastating loss or break up. The deeply held belief that results from these experiences is: I am not someone who can be chosen or loved.
You know you have this pattern when the deepest need you can easily recognize is wanting to be claimed and to receive unconditional love and commitment, yet your pattern of behavior is to hide out, accept relationships that give you very little, or push caring people away.
Now before I keep going, I must empathize that having a abandonment fears is not something to beat yourself up over. You did not choose this. So, no beating yourself up for this pattern, okay?! It was a natural reaction to your experiences. Plus, no one is perfect. We ALL have primal fears when it comes to relationships.
Healing and Overcoming Abandonment Fears
Truly! In fact, through my Love Mentoring® Dating and Relationship Coaching program, myself and my team have helped hundreds of women overcome even the deepest abandonment fears and create the committed, true partnerships they so deeply longed for.
Your first step to healing is to focus on being appreciated and loved. So here’s a special technique which will help you totally immerse yourself in these energies.
Sample Affirmations for Overcoming Abandonment Fears
First, make a list of love affirmations focused on being visible, chosen, claimed, lovable, and loved. These are positive statements that start with “I” and are in present tense. As you write them out, imagine that you are your ideal relational self, the self you would like to become.
Next, choose one statement to say to yourself when you get up in the morning and before you go to sleep. Tell your brain to receive this instruction on a daily basis. So it can rewire its neural networks. In particular, give instructions to the neural network that continually reinforces your dead-end relationship patterns to unwind itself so that new patterns can be established. Once that’s done over and over, you will succeed in overcoming abandonment fears.
Begin by saying I AM:
a beautiful goddess who many appreciate.
claimed by an adoring partner.
fully lovable and loving.
a perfect child of god (or the Divine).
How Love Mentoring Can Help You Overcome Abandonment Fears
Another major key to healing abandonment fears is to find a Love Mentor. This is someone you admire, who knows how to create an amazing relationship, who appreciates and loves you unconditionally.
In fact, a Love Mentor can make a dramatic difference in your healing process just like a Work Mentor has altered your career trajectory. He or she is by your side, cheering you on, sharing their wisdom. At times, even gently calling you out on deadly dating patterns you keep repeating. Especially the Crumbs Dating Pattern where you settle for seconds.
If you can’t think of someone in your life who would make an ideal Love Mentor, do not worry. It can be tough to find just the right person for you. Just go to our dating and relationship coaching page and I’ll help you find the right person.
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As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want-even when it seemed impossible. I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.
I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference.
During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique relationship or dating situation. You'll walk away inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the love you want.
Here's what women like you are saying:
"My session was an incredible game-changer! I was finally able to see a way forward with my boyfriend and he has proposed!
I'm very grateful!" -Jenn in New Mexico
"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me. I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey