Four Ways You Can Overcome Shyness

Four Ways You Can Overcome Shyness

Recent studies show that ninety percent of all communication is non-verbal.

So what you are NOT saying speaks volumes.  Now you probably have been in a situation before where you seen your dream guy and you would love to approach him but just can’t. Most women have the same feeling, and generally speaking, they prefer for the man approach them. It’s really a situation where you have to overcome shyness.

So what can you do? People unconsciously give off signals, especially non verbal ones. If you are shy, the signals you are giving off aren’t the ones that you intend.

Chances are you are an attractive, highly intelligent woman who has a lot to offer the right man in her life, but you just haven’t met him yet. If you overcome shyness and refine your non-verbal skills you can improve the number of men who approach you for dates. Thereby, increasing the odds of finding the One. More importantly, you can direct your non-verbal cues to men you want to meet, letting them know you are available to be approached.

Four Tips to Overcome Shyness.

1. Make eye contact. I do not mean that direct stare that you see in the cheesy chick flicks. It should be a subtle glimpse in his direction, make eye contact, and then look away. This is especially effective when flirting with shy guys.

2. He will notice. Once he does, SMILE.  This will give him an invitation to say hello to you. This also shows that you open and friendly.  If he does not approach you then he is probably not interested. At least you will not be left wondering if you let an opportunity slip away.

3. Now let’s say you are lucky enough to chat with your dream hunk.  Continue using your non verbal cues.  First be attentive, let him know that you are listening to him and what he is saying.  When you talk to him, touch him.  A gentle touch on the arm shows that you are interested in him. And it’s a perfect way to overcome shyness.

4. Mirroring is another subtle method to create a feeling of bonding between two people. It naturally creates a feeling of rapport and trust. The trick here is to follow the other person’s movements with a 30-60 second delay. You do not want to be caught directly mimicking what he is doing. Behaviors that are OK to mirror include leaning forward, taking a sip of a drink, hand gestures when talking, tapping your foot, and facial expressions (smiling, raised eyebrows, or looking away).

Bottom Line for Overcoming Shyness

Keep in mind that if you are doing your best with non-verbal communication, but it just doesn’t seem to be working, then it may be time to change your focus. Try it with another guy to see how you do. It will take some practice to feel natural and at ease. But the effort you put into refining your non-verbal skills is well worth it.

Thank you Ashok for your dating tips on how you can overcome shyness.

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.” ~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

22 Comments

  1. jessica29 on July 10, 2010 at 12:34 am

    Thank you for your suggestion.To have a nice soul mate I am always confuse how to approach my interest on him.I think your suggestion will help me to be close to my dear.Because I love him so much but he does not understand my feeling or he can’t express his feeling.Thank you.



  2. Derko1 on September 26, 2010 at 5:32 am

    >jessica29:

    men express their feelings perfectly, it’s you that expect too much.

    a soul mate is forever, do you really want to force yourself on someone for eternity? are you that self absorbed?

    most women are.



  3. some dude on September 28, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    Seriously? this is kinda stupid most men can’t understand all the slight and subtle hints a woman makes with her body language men are way more direct i know because I’m a man myself



  4. Dr. Diana Kirschner on September 28, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    The point of the article is to get better as an observer.



  5. marcus2323 on September 28, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    yeah i know this is for girls, but jesus. its like your teaching women to be more complicated than they already are.

    and lastly, the second tip is stupid, why shouldnt girls be the “aggressor”, in stead of waiting for him to talk to you? if you let him go, your just as much to blame as the guy you just LET GO.



  6. Zen on October 2, 2010 at 6:57 am

    Or you could just go up to them and talk to them, and directly tell them you like them.

    Don’t play games.



  7. Dr. Diana Kirschner on October 3, 2010 at 11:01 am

    as my tai chi master yused to say: Not so easy to do.
    Thanks for the comment



  8. Pordgy on October 3, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I have to say that as a guy who is extremely interested in subconscious behaviour, psychology and social habits, that I find this very interesting. However, I am not sure of how this would convince a guy who is unsure and careful of a woman’s boundaries to approach someone who displays an interest. Anyone offer any advice?



  9. bounty on October 5, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    This all assumes the guy you are “observing” understands the language and is willing to engage. Two big IFs in the equasion.
    Many guys today do not have the courage to approach women specifically because they have been given signals and then refused and humiliated.
    I’d stick with the simple approach – say hi and see what happens.



  10. vicky on October 8, 2010 at 11:07 am

    it was hard to understand . but now i am a little bit clear of what is going on in their minds.
    wow, keep them posted



  11. Mike on October 14, 2010 at 5:16 am

    Verbal communication works good too. I would be so attracted to a woman who would come right up to me and be honest.



  12. Adam on October 15, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Perhaps in the time of yesteryear a woman could, or more appropriately following conventional norms in that time, sit back and allow the game of subtley to commence. Alas…..those days are no more. Sorry girls; you are going to have to start taking the ownness upon yourselves to “saddle-up” so to speak and committ to perhaps being rejected. It is not a thing for the timid, and perhaps you might be hurt, but if it works out won’t it be worth it?



  13. Robot Betty9 on October 15, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    “If he does not approach you then he is probably not interested.”

    If he does not approach you he probably missed your hint or is very shy.

    -Robot Betty9



  14. John Saltz on October 17, 2010 at 4:26 am

    1. Do stare. If you look away it means you don’t want to look at me, so you’re not attracted. Either that or you’re insecure.

    2. Do smile.

    3. Do touch.

    4. Mirroring occurs naturally in between people who have rapport, but you don’t have to wait 30-60 seconds. Vary the intervals, from 1 to 20 seconds, and don’t mirror absolutely everything, just most of it.



  15. Nano on October 18, 2010 at 11:24 am

    I believe this works well with confident and I don’t want to say smarter, but people who are more able to read signs and are usually more understanding. I would say.
    Someone who is too simple minded enough not to understand signs like these, we would always have to be straightforward to get our points across ie. “I dont like you anymore, stop bothering me” as apposed to getting the hints.

    It makes it rather difficult for people who don’t like being too straight forward. People who understand theses sign are “smarter” to me. if you understand my point and think of a better word, please rephrase for me, for I dont like the word “smarter” being used for this topic but is the only way I could describe it at the moment, Thanks 😉



  16. Flirtatious on October 19, 2010 at 9:18 am

    I’m surprised that you left out a girl’s best non-verbal means of communication – her ability to leverage her sexuality via subtle flirting! Flashing your inner thigh when wearing a short skirt or leaning forward in a low-cut top to better reveal your cleavage can all be done without coming across as slutty when done with class! Even how you tongue your drink’s straw or meal’s spoon in your mouth can send a message that will get his pulse racing for you! If you’ve got it, flaunt it! Believe me it works!



  17. a random guy on October 21, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    I agree with Robot Betty9 & bounty. I don’t approach girls because i’m never sure if they’re giving me signs or just being polite. And the ones who make it dead obvious they’re interested usually want to use your heart as a yo-yo. I would be very attracted to a girl who would approach me. They don’t even have to come right out & say they like me, just start the conversation. That’s always the hardest part for me.



  18. yeldarb11 on October 22, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    WOW. I wish it were all this simple. If you are interested, say so. If she calls the cops, RUN. If she drops to her knees, RUN. Everything else is fair game. My name is Brad. What’s your name? May I …… (have a seat? buy you a drink? etc….) You are very beautiful. Tell her why you are there. (please be tasteful, I noticed your huge knockers is not appropriate. Everyone noticed them. big deal.) Ask her! Speaking from a commited relationship, even if she is “taken” her BF should be honored that you are interested. I know I am when it happens. I just smile because I know she is with me and that point is not likely to change. (She declines gracefully.) ASK HER.



  19. Lance;) on October 23, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    To the ladies, I agree, make eye contact, and look away, but smile just a bit when he sees you looking. If he doesnt come over, its for two reasons, hes not interested, or hes too shy. The best pickup line ive ever used is “Hi.”so go up and say hi, if hes not into you, then move on to the next one. if a girl touches me when were talking, that tells me shes OBVIOUSLY interested. Some guys dont know how to take that first step, or they misinterpret the signals. But if he comes over, stay confident, dont do the lean forward an show him your cleavage thing, sends a different signal usually meaning, i wanna fool around, or i want another drink. happy huntin;)



  20. Pure Country on October 23, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    All the guys who think the woman should be the agressor need to grow a pair. Seriously, i’d prefer a woman to go through the steps there and have that jumpy heartbeat when I go talk to her, then have a girl come up to me and lay it out. Thats too easy, and its not nearly as fun. I like to pursue, so let me chase you. If you make it easy, im not inclined to stay with you. and when i talk to you, dont be shallow, have some charisma, and humor. Itll get you far in life



  21. Velox on October 24, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Sorry but this is retarded advice. I could never play these kind of cheap games. If I like a guy I’ll talk to him, end of story. Sometimes guys are surprised, but its mostly appreciated.



  22. Dr. Diana Kirschner on October 24, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Some people do not find it so easy to simply talk to someone. In fact, many many singles have asked me exactly how to show a person that you are in fact interested. This is not a game, it is about gaining new kinds of communications skills!



Leave a Comment





Share via