How to Recover from Dating Burnout

how to recover from dating burnout
Are you suffering from dating burnout? Are you wondering how to recover from dating burnout?  You are not alone!  An estimated 200 million singles globally now use digital dating services each month. Which means your dating choices are now almost unlimited.  BUT, most people do not know how to harness this love bonanza at all. Because of this, most daters feel like they are endlessly spinning their wheels and, sadly, getting nowhere. It can be super draining and frustrating.

Here’s why digital dating can lead to complete BURNOUT!

There is tremendous competition. Ghosting, where men abruptly disappear on you without warning is common.  Guys lie in their profiles and turn out to be absolute DUDs when you meet them.  Online you see the same old unsuitable people  over and over again.  Bottom Line: There just seem to be NO good guys AT ALL in your age-range. Or in your area.  I know!

Can you relate?

But hold on, I want you to know this:  You can avoid almost all these issues and recover from dating burnout! Just take this in for one minute: 

Your chances of finding real soulmate love have never been better!

I am not kidding—I have seen it time after time with our coaching clients!  In fact, like them, you can have the time of your life dating up a storm, meet great guys and finally find the one!  Here are five ways that show you how to recover from dating burnout.

How to Recover from Dating Burnout #1:  LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS!

This may sound weird, but read on! To prevent burn out and frustration you need to do one thing:  Lower your expectations.  This may sound like I am contradicting what I said about the great guys being out there. But I’m not. 

Remember, this is a numbers game. You’ll need to sort through many guys quickly in order to find the good matches.  Many of the men will simply disappear, as they are also sorting quickly. Ghosting is extremely common. Remember, on apps, 49% who seem interested and message a match never even get a response.  At this point I really want you to avoid suffering by EXPECTING NOTHING. Then when the good ones come along and stick around you will be pleasantly surprised. Have only very short first dates in coffee shop.  If the guy is a DUD Leave after 20 minutes or so to avoid wasting your time or feeling discouraged.

 Please write down this statement and post where you can see it out of the corner of your eye:

I am playfully looking at guys and they are playfully looking at me. I EXPECT NOTHING.

How to Recover from Dating Burnout #2:  Remember that dating success takes time!

You wouldn’t expect to be at a high level of career success overnight.  It takes time to build your resume, go through job interviews and find the right people to work with.  Well, similarly, love takes time too!  Have a longer window of perspective when it comes to finding love.   Imagine that the universe is setting you up for success beyond your wildest dreams!!!!  (It is).  So with every date or relationship that does not work out, you are that much closer to the happy end goal. The rainbow is in the sky and leading to the pot of gold in the future for you! 

Patience is the name of the game here.  Patience rules!!!!

Please write down this statement and post where you can see it out of the corner of your eye

With every day I am closer to soulmate love that is just right for me, coming fully in Divine right time.

Love takes time!

How to Recover from Dating Burnout Step #3:  Get that Your Burnout comes from Your Beliefs, NOT Your Realities

Even when the current realities do not seem promising!

Burnout almost ALWAYS comes from destructive, pessimistic and negative beliefs about dating and love.  I CANNOT stress this enough!  Psychologists point out that we are aware of many of our beliefs.  But others lurk just underneath the surface of your mind.  It’s these hidden beliefs that tend to shape the most important parts of your life, without you being truly aware that they are doing so. 

And when it comes to dating, if you have beliefs based on fear, scarcity, abuse, past disappointments and loss, they make up a force that can depress and stress you out.  And  put up a complete roadblock to your love journey.  These include negative, false and delimiting beliefs about men, you, love and intimate relationships.  I call these the silent relationship-killer beliefs.

Let’s look more closely at these core beliefs that are carried from your past into your present (and future) as expectations.  Expectations of what’s possible in terms of meeting someone great, expectations for what’s possible for you, expectations about what dating should be like.  Because these expectations are often negative and generate fear, they kill off any of the vitality or joy of what is going on right now, preventing you from seeing any interesting guys who are right in front of you!   And when you are with a match, because you are not really present it’s difficult to experience this relationship as it is currently unfolding and not as an extension of previous disappointments and failures.

This heavy baggage from the past gets dragged into your present and leaves you worried and pessimistic about dating. Instead of being open to opportunities that are happening now, you are lost in a swirl of knee-jerk pessimistic, demoralizing self-talk that leads nowhere. 

How to Recover from Dating Burnout #4: Identify the Limiting Beliefs that ruin your dating experience.

There are five of them.  Jot down which of these self-sabotaging limiting beliefs ring true for you.

 #1  There are no good men  (How many times have you or your girlfriends said that no good available men exist?)

 #2  I will never have lasting love because something’s wrong with me. 

#3  True love does not exist 

 #4 Lasting love is too difficult to create.

#5 This man/relationship is not perfect.

Do any of these beliefs seem to fit with your current thinking about dating?  If so, go to The 5 Limiting Belief Examples that Ruin Your Chance of Finding Love.

How to Recover from Dating Burnout Step #5:  Use The Hopelessness-to-Happiness Mindset Shift Exercise for Each of Your Limiting Beliefs.

Read each of the following steps.  Then after each, close  your eyes and do the following with ANY negative belief that is dragging you down:

  • Imagine that negative belief as a dark cloud. 
  • Imagine that cloud expanding and dispersing.  Picture this dark cloud expanding to the size of your city, then your country, then the world.  And as it expands it is getting thinner and thinner, lighter and lighter.  
  • Then imagine that it has grown as large as the solar system…now the Milky Way…now as big as the whole universe…now the cloud is extending beyond the  known universe.
  • Now imagine that you can look at that cloud and say, “You are only a fiction created by my thoughts.”
  • Then say, “Disappear now” to the cloud and watch it turn into nothing.

Now that your dark cloud/negative thought is gone, you can replace it with a positive affirmation like the one below.

I find deeply fulfilling love beyond my wildest dreams in a very surprising way!

I can see you succeeding right now, just using a few of these steps, my love!  So go for it—no need to suffer as you make your way to the love that meets the calling of your heart!  If you need more support as to how to recover from dating burnout, have a session with one of my amazing coaches.  It’s on me!


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Tired of loneliness and disappointment in your love life or marriage? This will change everything...

As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want-even when it seemed impossible.  I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.

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matchmaker, dating coach, dating tips, dating & relationship advice"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me.  I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey

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