How to Know If He’s Marriage Material, or It’s Time to Cut Your Losses!
Is He Marriage Material or Is It Time to Move On ?
If marriage or committed lasting love is your future vision for yourself, the question of marriage material is of key importance! Whether you are between matches or suffering in limbo with someone who seems to be waffling about commitment, read on, because I want to share the most important tips that are critical to know for your future happiness! You don’t want to choose or waste loads of time with a guy who talks a great game initially, but gets frightened, uptight, tense, withdrawn or even disappears when it comes time for a loving commitment.
There are excellent research studies that show which guys will step up and be your forever love! And we have seen that this is the case in our work with thousands of women all over the globe! There are 3 strong signs based on research by Rutgers University and The National Marriage Project.
Marriage Material guys were more likely to:
- Have grown up with both biological parents. They did not live through the ravages of a family torn apart by divorce.
- Go to church or synagogue regularly. They have a strong spiritual or religious side and tend to operate with this as a basis for their lives.
- Agree with the statement: “You’d be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along.” They feel ready to commit to the right woman now. There are no vague statements about needing to wait for this, that and the other thing to happen before he can commit.
In other words, in this study, the marriage material guys had traditional backgrounds with good role models. Also, they tended to be more religious and more ready for marriage.
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Here are four more signs that a guy is marriage material:
- If age appropriate, your guy wants children. This is a strong factor that leads a guy into settling down.
- Your potential guy believes that married people have better sex lives than singles (which is true, according to research, BTW!)
- He believes in the value of marriage
- And he worries less about the risks of divorce or separation than guys who are not marriage material
We are focusing in on marriage in these tips, but the same kind of themes apply to guys who want committed lasting love without marriage! Perhaps you are a bit older and simply want a live-in love. That’s also included in how I use the term marriage material!
The Case of Jenny
We have helped so many women in our coaching program to find marriage material guys, wonderful men who wanted the kind of lasting passionate love that makes your heart soar. Here is one example:
Jenny was a gorgeous 39-year-old marketing consultant who really wanted children. She was in an on-again, off-again relationship with Terry, a super-great looking, lanky lawyer for three years. Terry was not marriage material, indeed! He was very clever and alluring to Jenny, but put her off with his career needs whenever she mentioned marriage or children. It was always, “When I get to the right firm, when I make partner, when I make more money, we can think about it!” You get the picture! Jenny would then “break up” with Terry. And in their dance he would promise to do better and win her back, only to disappoint her once more.
So Jenny decided to entered coaching but in a depressed, hopeless state. Her coach asked her how committed she was to a future with children and a happy family life. Jenny practiced some powerful envisioning exercises. Soon, she realized that this vision was central to her future happiness. With her coach’s daily support via email and text, Jenny took the plunge of truly breaking up with Terry. She started dating other guys. Almost immediately she met a great one on Tinder who really wanted marriage and kids. Turns out, his parents had never divorced. In fact, he was a church-goer. And he was ready. The rest is history! In fact, they had a glorious wedding at the beach and she is now pregnant with twins. Just like Jenny, you deserve lasting committed passionate love!!!
Marriage Material or Not Marriage Material?
According to research studies, men who were not marriage material were more likely to:
- Distrust women to tell the truth about prior relationships.
- Worry more about the risks of divorce.
- Say they did not want children.
- Believed that singles have better sex lives than marrieds.
- Agree to: “There are so many bad marriages today it makes one question the value of marriage.”
- Say that at this stage of life they just wanted to have fun.
- Express the concern that, “If you marry, your biggest concern would be losing your personal freedom.”
In sum, look for a guy who admires his friends and family members who are married, or in a committed lasting love relationship. (And maybe he even expresses a little jealousy about their relationships!); someone who is more religious or spiritual, who looks at marriage and lasting love as a good thing! This is a guy who is marriage material or ready for lasting live-in love!
Of course, there are guys who don’t fit this profile who still make great spouses or committed partners. But if marriage or committed lasting love is your goal, these clues can help you be discerning and not waste a lot of time on the wrong guys.
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Marriage Material Video
Check out this video on how to pick men who are marriage material:
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As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want-even when it seemed impossible. I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.
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