How to Keep Passion Alive
How to keep passion alive is the million dollar question when it comes to love! Even when things start out hot and heavy, the demands of life, the kids, work, elderly parents tend to damper the romance and the sensuality. However, there are ways to ignite things, even if your relationship has become platonic, boring, or completely dead in the bedroom! Here are eight tips on how to keep passion alive and thrilling! It involves having an affair, but with your own partner!
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #1: Creating the Irresistible Mind-set of Lovers
The first thing we are going to do is have you turn on the most important person. That person is you. Think about it: when people have an affair with a new lover, they feel turned on, excited, hot. They are thinking about getting a sexy new outfit, which lingerie to wear, what to say or do with the new hottie. The process itself is very exciting and invigorating.
Nothing has changed physically. This is not a matter of being thinner, more shapely, younger, or more attractive (as we may feel we need to be in order to be more sexually alive). No. A person having an affair has not suddenly lost fifty pounds or ten years. But the thoughts have moved in a more sexual direction. People feel hotter and more in touch with their own mojo, and this changes everything.
This is the vibe that comes with serious flirting and open sexuality.
Don’t just take my word for it. Here’s what the great and sexy actress Kathleen Turner has to say:
“Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it’s looks; most women know otherwise.”
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #2: Use The Sexy Diamond Self Exercise to Turn Yourself On
What we call the Diamond Self (DS) is your most evolved or ideal self. I want you to give yourself a sensual DS nickname that represents you at your playful, sexiest best. Here’s how: Think about a sexy celeb you admire like Angelina Jolie, Sofía Vergara, Beyoncé, or Salma Hayek; or if you are a guy, someone like Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, or Matthew McConaughey. Close your eyes and imagine that you have one or two attractive qualities this hottie has. Maybe it is a way of flirting with someone or something sensual about the way he or she moves. A free throaty laugh. Or the clothing or shoes he or she wears. What would it feel like to be similar even in some small way, to this sexy person you admire? Just play along with me here.
Now think about having the same kind of vibe that he or she has. The sensual, sexy vibe.
I want you to give yourself a new sexy Diamond Self nickname based on this imagery. Something like “Saucy Susan,” “Playful Minx” “Hot Mama” or “Sex Maven Mike.”
Write your nickname down.
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #3: Have a Fantasy of You being Your Sexy Diamond Self with Your Partner.
Close your eyes and imagine…Would you be wearing those fishnet stockings and a pink teddy? Imagine the flirty ways the Hot Mama would relate, stroking her Beloved’s thigh, nibbling his earlobe, telling him she has her red thong on…. Or if you’re a guy, think about how you might strut a bit, and then take hold of your hottie’s hair while you let your tongue and fingertips send shivers of electricity through her whole body…with her moaning in ecstasy. Let your imagination go and turn yourself on as much as possible. Please allow yourself to create your sexy Diamond Self fantasy fully and take pleasure in this erotic process.
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #4: Take your DS on a Sexy Date with Yourself
When you have time, think about your sexy Diamond Self nickname and take yourself on a sensual date. Use dimmer switches, scented candles, or sexy lingerie that reminds you of your saucy self. If you feel comfortable (and it’s your own body after all) use a vibrator or your imagination while you give yourself physical pleasure. Bring yourself to orgasm.
Experiment. Ultimately you are responsible for knowing your body and creating the conditions for your own sexual pleasure. Playfully touch parts of your body, and learn about what sensations feel good to you. You might be more comfortable starting out by lightly touching non-erogenous zones like your cheeks and then moving on to more sensitive areas like your tummy, neck, and chest. Then add in the vibrator and use it as you move further south to the best erotic hotspots you can find. Turning yourself on, especially for women, is a powerful way to create chemistry in your couple.
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #5: Give Yourself Enjoyment Through “Taking Touch”
In fact, when you get around to having a sexy encounter with your Beloved, it is your vibe and your own enjoyment that run the show. Even when you touch your partner, it is more explosive if you focus on the pleasure you experience in your own fingertips, mouth, skin, and genitals. This is called the “Taking Touch.” Far from being selfish, touching your partner in a way that you can savor his or her body is a total aphrodisiac. So don’t worry about performing sexually. Or about pleasing your partner. Focus on your own pleasure and doing what turns you on.
Make sure that you get this. If you want great sex to happen:
TAKE PLEASURE FOR YOURSELF FIRST AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW.
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #6: Use The 60-Second Sizzle—Meeting and Caressing in the Present Moment
There is a way to ignite passion in just one minute. It starts with clearing your mind and giving something simple yet very precious to your partner. That precious thing is your full attention. Especially in this time of information overload and overstimulation, with sending and receiving constant cell phone calls, texts, and business emails, and reading or using apps on Kindles and iPads, it is rare that any of us give each other complete attention without interruption.
Yet we are wired for a present-time connection. In fact, full eye contact and physical touch create oxytocin, the bonding, tend-and-befriend hormone. If you take just sixty seconds and give your partner your full attention, you will be amazed at what happens.
For even more pleasure, add a Taking Touch on his or her thigh or neck or elsewhere that comes from your saucy DS. You will create a sizzling encounter in just one minute.
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #7: Have a Hot Affair with Your Partner
For a few minutes, forget the old routine that has settled like an autopilot loop in your relationship. Work on making a new and different kind of tryst where you bring your saucy DS freshness and that yummy affair-like feeling of forbidden fruit to your Beloved. In fact, the key to creating a torrid affair with your partner is to ask yourself ONE KEY QUESTION:
“What would I be thinking, doing, or saying right now if WE were having an affair?”
If you were having an affair, you would be in your juicy DS identity. You would be thinking about what you would like to do in bed with your new hottie. Putting on some flimsy lingerie, maybe a push-up bra, or FMP shoes. If you’re a guy, you would put on those tight Calvin Kleins and a little aftershave. You would be hungering for your hottie’s touch. You would think of a sexy locale for a date, like a deserted beach or a little Italian restaurant.
Right? So I want you to transfer these thoughts, feelings, and acts over to your partner. Just for a few minutes at first. Take off the old sweats and put on a sexy nightgown and meet your husband at the door of your bedroom as if he were your new lover. If you are a guy, instead of dragging yourself in the front door beat and tired after work, imagine you are meeting your wife at a secluded hotel room for a hot tryst. Or, just share minor acts of chemistry. Use a Taking Touch with your Beloved and follow where your fingertips want to go. They will take you to hot and yummy places.
How to Keep Passion Alive: Benefits of Having the Affair with Your Partner
When you make your encounter alive and electric like this, it usually changes everything. Both of you can become your sizzling Diamond Selves and get your creative juices flowing literally and figuratively. Allow pleasure to flow and fill you, and you will arouse your Beloved more and more. The passion and intimacy of having a tryst together is mind-blowing—you can have even more ecstasy because, you are doing things that are smokin’ hot with someone you know and feel safe with. Much better than meeting with a stranger who is a fantasy figure. A stranger with whom you can’t really be open or trusting.
In contrast, having an affair with your own partner is like having your cake and eating it too. Why not have it all?
Of course having a hot tryst with your partner is easier to accomplish for some couples than others. Maybe you really feel stuck in a sexless marriage. Or your partner may be less than instantly responsive. We’ve already talked about learning to pleasure yourself. So, what if your partner is the problem?
How to Keep Passion Alive Tip #8: Get Your Partner’s Mojo Rising
Novelty is the key! Novelty triggers dopamine, the brain chemical associated with exhilaration and ecstasy. Dopamine is what’s responsible for a lover’s high and also for infatuation. If you start with your juicy DS name, new lingerie or sexy clothing, and set the stage for having an affair, you are off to a good start. If you and your partner still have obstacles, I want you to put one thing into your minds right now. So here it is:
Sex is play.
So be playful with your Beloved. Ask and talk about fantasies, and playfully or humorously offer to fulfill them.
Here are 9 ways to get into a more playful and freer spirit. So that you create new and novel ways to bed each other.
- Vary the way you set the stage by using dimmed light or candlelight, or running a bubble bath or steamy shower.
- Use feathers for exquisite arousal.
- Use sex toys with each other or in front of each other.
- Put whipped cream on each other.
- Wear sexy role-play outfits—doctor and nurse, cop and criminal, master and slave.
- Meet at a bar as strangers.
- Vary your foreplay.
- Read books about tantric sex or sex manuals; try new positions.
- Most importantly, make sure that both of you are satisfied.
So there you have 8 tips to keep passion alive in your love relationship! Definitely go for it and have fun!!!! And it will help keep the magical bond of love alive.
But if you need help, please sign up for a free session with one of my expert relationship coaches.
PS. I’m excited to let you know that in addition to being a top 10 world-wide dating and relationship blog, we’ve also just been honored as the #25 sex & relationship blog in the world by Feedspot. Thanks to you, our beloved readers.
Sign up here for a powerful gift!
FREE Top-Tier Love Strategy Session!
Limited time offer
Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women, including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!
I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah, the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days. My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR.
I specialize in helping high-caliber women create feminine self-confidence, dating success, and passionate love matches.
I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference!
During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique dating situation. You'll walk away refreshed and inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the top-tier love you want. And deserve!
"I followed the program and enjoyed the process. I appreciate Dr. Diana planting very helpful seeds!"
-Hoda Kotb, The Today Show
Here's what women like you are saying:
"My love strategy session helped me to meet a really high-caliber guy! In it I learned how to tweak my profile to attract great matches. And my boyfriend is the best! We are having a blast building our dream house and planning for a cruise to Tahiti !" -Darla, Psychologist & Author
"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me. I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey, PBS Pledge Host