Lasting Love: How to Have an Affair with Your Partner

have an affair with partner

How to Have an Affair with Your Partner

There are Seven Natural Laws of Attraction that keep a relationship full of passion and romance for many, many years. One of those seven Laws is this: Decide that you are having an affair with your partner. Forever.

You’re wondering, what am I talking about? Well, if you want to set the stage for a win–win love relationship that is relatively cheating-proof, you must be creative and in a sense “the other woman.” You know, the one he’s having the affair with. Think it sounds crazy? Based on many years of experience with clients, I know that practicing having an affair with him can lead to years of passion if he truly is the One. In order to conduct an ongoing affair with your man, practice physical touch, flirting, and sex play. In this excerpt we’ll only look at physical touch.

Acting like you are having an affair with your partner is a powerful relationship enhancer no matter how long you have been together.

Have an Affair with Your Partner: Two Key Relationship Tips

Relationship Tip 1. Ask yourself: What would I be doing or saying if right now if we were having an affair?

Then go for it!

What’s interesting about having an affair is that the partners are not automatically available to do the deed. The lingering touch, the sweet nibble on the ear, the deep French kiss may or may not go any farther. There is a playful novelty and uncertainty that drive up dopamine, the falling-in-love brain chemical that is synonymous with anticipation, excitement, and focus on the Beloved. Infatuation sizzles.

Relationship Tip 2. Make Physical Contact

Sex begins with physical contact. In fact, couples with great sex lives often are the ones you see holding hands and touching in public. As we’ve discussed, physical nonsexual contact creates oxytocin, the cuddle, bonding, and trust hormone. In order to amplify this even more, if he is receptive, hold hands, kiss, or stroke his face. His hands, lips, and face are all highly touch-sensitive areas! Gazing into his eyes also releases oxytocin and is an extremely powerful bonding move. For example, in one study, strangers shared intimate details about themselves and then stared into each other’s eye for four minutes. Many reported being extremely attracted to each other. One couple in the study actually got married! that’s how powerful gazing can be.

So back to you. Try this. Trace the outline of his bicep with your finger or give him a mini massage on his neck and shoulders. Find out what kind of touch he enjoys: stronger, softer, or in between. You both will feel great as the oxytocin works its magic.

On the other hand, many men don’t like to be touched unless it’s on the playing field (why do they slap each other’s butts?) or in the sack. Yet they crave contact with us. And it’s often communicated in a strange way.

A Brief Excerpt From a Coaching Session

Here’s a brief excerpt from an actual relationship coaching session with a couple who were definitely not having an affair with each other. In fact, the touching-versus-not-touching issue was threatening to destroy the relationship. Our couple is Ellen and Greg (names are disguised of course).

She: Greg never touches me unless it’s sexual.

He: I’m not a touchy-feely guy, but I love to be with you.

She: You sure have a funny way of showing it.

He: Doc, we were watching a TV show last night and were sitting together on the couch.

She: Tell her how you started a fight.

He: Well, it was nice and cozy and then Ellen left the room and just disappeared.

She: It didn’t seem to matter whether I was there or not. You weren’t paying me any attention.

He: What, are you kidding? I was really upset that you left.

My Translation

Okay. What is this man saying that she missed? Translation: I want to be in your space, your presence, because it feels like home. Now, obviously he needed to demonstrate more physical affection. But that was easy to achieve once Ellen got how much Greg loved being around her. She learned to be specific about the kind of touch she needed from Greg. The key is to ask for it in a positive and validating way, as in “I really love it when you [put your arm around me, play with my hair while I lie in your lap, rub my back—fill in the blank].”

So from that day on when they watched their favorite shows or movies, she would curl up on him. And Greg would touch Ellen until she was purring. Thus did Ellen have an affair with her partner, Greg.even had more fun in bed.

To learn more about keeping the fires going in your relationship, check out all of the articles on sex and passion including this one.

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.” ~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

1 Comment

  1. Zabrinah Shepherd on December 24, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Wow! What a unique and wonderful way to place a relationship into perspective. This is definitely a tip I will use sometime!

    Isn’t it amazing how creative our imaginations are? I love it. By having “an ongoing affair with our partners”, we can sustain exciting relationships.

    Thank you for this captivating article.

    ~Zabrinah



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