How to Handle a Hot and Cold Guy

how to handle a hot and cold guy

How to Handle a Hot and Cold Guy

Perhaps you feel you met your soulmate. Yet he disappears soon after. Has he met someone else?  Why is he running hot and cold?  Why is he ghosting me? You wonder, Is it me?  Is it him? In this episode of ask Dr. Diana, a reader asks this very question: “How to Handle a hot and cold guy?” Check out the video below but first let’s explore the mind of a hot and cold guy.

How to Handle a Hot and Cold Guy: Understanding His Fears

Fortunately, I’ve worked for over 35 years as a psychologist, clinical supervisor of therapists, and as a Love Mentor® and I’ve heard just about every issue hot and cold guys have!  I’ve logged thousands of hours in the trenches listening to these men as they’ve completely opened up and explored their deepest issues, problems, needs and fears.  Those private moments have given me a unique window into understanding hot and cold guys’ fears about maturity, commitment, forming a couple or creating a family. If you want to learn more about dating games that hot and cold guys play pick up a copy of Love in 90 Days.

The good news is that they, like us, for the most part want true love, even a soul mate. Down deep they realize that they’d be happier, more content and more sexually fulfilled. Only if they were in a good relationship.  The bad news: They are also scared. So that they often push real intimacy or commitment away.  These men equate dating with fun, sex and feeling good. Unfortunately, they also equate commitment with heavy responsibilities, a sexless life, and a boring existence. They see a life filled with endless chores like taking out the garbage, being a chauffeur and changing diapers.

How to Handle a Hot and Cold Guy: The Fear of Annihilation

In fact, many men fear that they will lose themselves in an all-consuming relationship. Because they will lose their individuality and identity. In this drama, they envision leading a dreadful life of providing, providing and more providing. Ending in a quiet heart attack in the suburbs.  They also fear that they simply cannot handle a woman’s emotional baggage. Or that they are not equipped to make a woman happy. These fears play out in a variety of ways that lead to his becoming a hot and cold guy.

That’s why dating and learning how to handle a hot and cold guy can be so confusing and frustrating. So if you are stuck with handling a hot and cold guy or someone who keeps running away, remember to sign up right on this page for a coaching session with one of my experts.

In fact, let me buy you a session so you can see how valuable this work can be for you like it’s been for thousands of other women and men.


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Tired of loneliness and disappointment in your love life or marriage? This will change everything...

As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want-even when it seemed impossible.  I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.

I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference.

That's why I'm excited to offer a FREE 40 minute Breakthrough-to-Love-Coaching Session via Skype, Zoom or phone.

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matchmaker, dating coach, dating tips, dating & relationship advice"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me.  I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey

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