How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back (& Feel Better Fast!)
Are you wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back? Missing him big time and in serious heartbreak? If so, this blog is for you! You may be feeling despondent, longing, absolutely yearning to be back with your lost love. You keep checking their Facebook page or your phone, hoping for a text, wanting a call, or trying to see him on the street.
But you don’t. And even if you do manage to see your ex, things do not go the way you hoped. He may be cold, rejecting or angry. You may wind up in a fight and a new mini breakup right there on the spot. There is nothing more painful than going through loss and heartbreak. And I want you to know that everyone has experienced this at some point or another. So you are not alone.
I know you are asking yourself over and over, how to get your lost love back and feel better fast. Well, there are no guarantees, but today we are going to talk about six powerful steps you can take. These steps have worked for many women in our coaching program, who have been able to rekindle a love relationship with their ex boyfriends!
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How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back: Remember what you have to offer
The first step is to prepare yourself by acknowledging what your truly have to offer. It may be hard to do at first, since you are feeling down and probably self-doubting at this point. But it is very important to start this healing process by loving yourself up, validating yourself and growing from the situation you are in. It is a key answer to the question of how to get your ex boyfriend back .
Here’s the process excerpted from Love in 90 Days:
Close your eyes and think about all the great things that your ex lost from the break up. Maybe your humor, your caring nature, your smarts, your spiritual wisdom, your vision, your wonderful advice, your unique way of loving someone. You get the idea. What wonderful qualities do you have that your ex will truly miss out on? Qualities you really have that would make any partner you have a happier, more successful and more fulfilled person. Great!
How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back: Find your Diamond Self identity
Your Diamond Self identity is your best you! You started focusing on it in Step 1. Now, here is another important step: give yourself an empowering Diamond Self nickname that represents the qualities of your unique and wonderful self. Here are some examples to get you started:
- Funny, Caring Clever One
- Amazing Grace
- Goddess of Warmth and Caring
- Loving, Beloved Mighty Iris
- Inspiring Radiant Blue-Eyed Blondie
- Compassionate, Magical Love Angel
- Irresistible Sparkle Essence
- Creative Sparkling Wonder Woman
Play with this exercise and don’t be afraid to pick a name that is super good and powerful—it may make you chuckle or even feel a bit sad (which is OK too, in the short term! It is pointing to who you want to become.)
RELATED POST: CREATING A DIAMOND SELF IDENTITY
How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back: Live into your Diamond Self Identity
Instead of moping around, crying or spending time doubting yourself, work on focusing on and living into your Diamond Self identity. Write down your nickname where you can see it every day. This is the unique, real and wonderful you! The Diamond Self work is great for you no matter what happens with your ex!
Next go shopping and dress the part—of The Goddess of Cleverness and Caring, or Radiant Chosen One. or whatever your Diamond Self name is. Get some symbolic jewelry that reminds you of your new name. Make it real to yourself.
How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back: Reflect on what you did wrong in the relationship.
No one is perfect. What were your ex’s complaints and where was he right?
Were you too demanding or clingy? Cold or not interested in sex? Bitchy, quick to anger? Whiny and complaining? Reflect honestly on what you did wrong to make things go south. This is a very courageous and powerful move to make! It can free you from feeling like a victim, like you had no control over what happened. If you take ownership about what you did wrong, you will have a sense of inner quiet—and a path forward where it will not happen again in future relationships. This is an amazing feeling! So come clean to yourself. You will be glad you did.
How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back: Create your new vision of love
Once again, there are no guarantees. But the fifth step in getting your lost love back is: Think about the vision of the new love relationship you are up to creating now for yourself. I know, you may find this hard to do if you are feeling really down and heartbroken. But it is very important! Just do it as an exercise.
Craft a new love intention for yourself that meets the calling of your heart. This is an affirmation made in the present tense. Not with your lost love in the statement. Most importantly: address whatever self-sabotaging pattern you found in yourself in step 4 in your new affirmation. In other words, if you have a pattern of being too cold or distant and acted that out with your ex, your love intention affirmation might be:
I have a deeply fulfilling love relationship that is based on mutual warmth, affection and deep appreciation.
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How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back: Ask for a coffee date with your ex
Step 6 is to ask to have coffee with your ex to have closure. Now here are the keys to optimizing the chances you will rekindle things at that coffee date:
- Be in your Diamond Self identity—Put together and dressed in a way that makes you feel great!
- Honestly apologize about what you did to set things up to fail. Whether you were too demanding, clingy, cold, whiny, complaining or not interested in sex. Thank him for helping you see this so you can work on it.
- Let him know your new love intention—what you are up to creating right now as you move on to date others. So you might say something like: Yeah, I’m on Match right now and working on creating an amazing partnership that is based on warmth, affection and mutual appreciation.
Note that it is important to let your ex know you are dating others, so they don’t feel like you are in the bag and can appreciate the new Diamond Self you in the moment. As I said there are no promises– but often things really rekindle.
How to Get Your Lost Love Back – Client Example
There was a 40-something woman named Danielle who came into our coaching program because she was desperate to get her ex boyfriend back. Even though she was really not feeling it, she worked on her Diamond Self identity. Danielle remembered her unique qualities of being very loyal, devoted, and fun-loving in relationships. She gave herself the nickname of Loyal, Loving Fun, Fantastic One.
Danielle took step 4 by recognizing what she did wrong in her relationship. She was simply not available to bond with her ex boyfriend by having sex or enough intimate time. Danielle realized she was a workaholic. She made a new love intention—I have sexy intimate, happy love relationship filled with adventures large and small. Danielle had coffee with her ex in her Diamond Self manifestation. She was wearing a new purple dress that made her feel like a million dollars. She apologized for her cold distant behavior and told her ex about her new love intention. He fell in love with her all over again right then and there. They are now back together and Danielle is working on continuing to grow as a person, lover and partner.
How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back – Action step you can take right now
If you would like to discuss how to get your ex boyfriend back, or any other painful issue you are facing, you can have a free Love Mentoring® session by phone or Skype with one of my awesome expert Love Mentor® coaches, just like Danielle.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.