How to Get Over Your Ex: Five Tips to Help You Move On

how to get over your ex
Are you wondering just how to get over your ex?  Perhaps you are feeling lots of pain, loneliness and longing, a sense of emptiness that is hard to shake.  Maybe you are obsessing about what happened, how you were hurt or what you should have said or done to keep your partner or spouse with you.
You may even be attacking yourself, and feeling “I’m such a screw-up” or “I’m damaged and will never get over this divorce.”  Or feeling depressed and hopeless, with thoughts like, “I’m not a good person, I don’t deserve love!”  You may be harboring resentments, anger or rage.  And having thoughts like, “He should have stepped up!”  “He is an a-hole to cheat on me—he doesn’t know what he had!”

But at times, underneath it all you may still love your ex and long to have him or her back. No matter what he or she did, whether it is cheating, abuse, abandonment or neglect. Which feels strange or illogical, but may be true nevertheless.

RELATED POST: OVERCOMING ABANDONMENT FEARS

No worries.  All these responses are quite normal after a breakup or a divorce. We are wired to be strongly attached at a biological, emotional and spiritual level to our partners.  Especially when marriage is involved.

So, part of you may be holding on, while the rest of you knows that you need to move on and get over your ex.  And you have a strong intuition that once you can let go of your ex you will be a whole lot happier.  Which is very true!

Here are five tips to move on when you are needing and wanting to know how to get over your ex:

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 1: Get BUSY!

Take out your calendar and fill it up with activities (virtual or real!). Watching movies with friends , shopping, online or off-line,  exercising (great for generating feel-good endorphins!),  watching  videos  on Youtube  on topics that used to be of interest to you (I know they do not seem that interesting right now!),  doing yoga or  meditation, or participating in other professional or social groups.  You want to take your most precious asset—your attention– off of your ex.

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 2:  Use the Spiritual Solution

The most healing place to put your attention is on spiritual or religious activities, prayers or meditations.  Spiritual salve is the most healing salve of all, which has been attested to for thousands of years.  So take walks in nature, listen to spiritual or uplifting music, attend religious services if you are a member of a church or synagogue.  Use a mindfulness practice or dust off your old mantra and use it for meditation.  If you are a member of a 12-step group attend more 12 step meetings. Or use my guided meditation below. You will feel much, much better.

RELATED POST: LOVING MOTHER MEDITATION

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 3:   Growing is the best revenge!

Work on yourself.  Show yourself what your ex is missing!  This will help you feel free of that old relationship. Give yourself a nickname that speaks to the best you, the you that you highly approve of.   I call this your Diamond Self identity.  You can use words like triumphant, phoenix, resilient, strong, undaunted or better-than-ever, in your nickname. You can also add words that speak to your new future. So, for example, your new nickname could be Triumphant Goddess of Light and Love, or Phoenix-Rising Angel of Beauty and Freedom.

You get the idea!  It is very powerful to play with this.  Once you get your Diamond Self identity, you can use it to help you feel even better about yourself! Get a makeover in line with your nickname. Write it down and keep it near your computer, on your mirror and in other places where you can see it every day.

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 4:  Get out there and Date

Force yourself to get online or on an app and date.  Even if you really don’t want to.  Even if nobody measures up to your ex.  Also ask your friends for support and help with this.  They can set you up with a single friend or sit at the computer and help you look online.  Once you get some nibbles from other guys, things will feel very differently in terms of your feelings for your ex.

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip  5:  Get that it’s not over ‘til it’s over

When you work on coming alive through new interests, spiritual and personal growth and work on your Diamond Self identity you will create a whole new life for yourself that juices you up.  Which means, while there are no guarantees, you are optimizing the chances that you can get your ex back and create a relationship with him that is better than ever.

For example, Susan, a lovely blue-eyed nurse, came into our coaching program after losing her boyfriend.  After dating Josh, a doctor at her hospital  for a year, he had suddenly announced that he wanted to date other women. Susan did all the work we have described in this article. She worked closely with her coach and created the Diamond Self name Irresistible Triumphant Angel of Love. Susan gave herself a makeover and dated several other guys.

A few months after the breakup, she was doing much better. So she decided to meet Josh for coffee. At that little date, he truly realized what he lost. He asked to get back together, but Susan, in her new empowerment, said she would have to be engaged to him in order to consider it. He said yes and the rest is history.  Susan and Josh are now very happily married!

This kind of outcome doesn’t always happen, but it can.

RELATED POST: WHEN & HOW TO GET BACK WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

So there are 5 tips for how to get over your ex.  Always remember, you deserve lasting passionate love with someone who is crazy about you!  If you want to discuss your unique situation with one of my relationship coaches, just sign up for a Breakthrough-to-Love session by phone, Skype or Zoom. In fact, let me buy you a session so you can see how valuable this work can be for you.

find mr. right this year
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Sign up here for a powerful gift!

FREE Top-Tier Love Strategy Session!

Limited time offer

Name(Required)
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

dianacircle

Are you a successful woman who is tired of having NO good men to date?  THIS  is for you!

Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women, including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!

I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah, the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days.  My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR.

I specialize in helping high-caliber women create feminine self-confidence, dating success, and passionate love matches.

I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference!

That's why I'm excited to offer a FREE Top-Tier Love Strategy Session via Zoom or phone with one of my gifted coaches.

During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique dating situation. You'll walk away refreshed and inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the top-tier love you want.  And deserve!

"I followed the program and enjoyed the process. I appreciate Dr. Diana planting very helpful seeds!"
-Hoda Kotb, The Today Show

Here's what women like you are saying:

"My love strategy session helped me to meet a really high-caliber guy!  In it I learned how to tweak my profile to attract great matches.  And my boyfriend is the best!  We are having a blast building our dream house and planning for a cruise to Tahiti ! -Darla, Psychologist & Author

matchmaker, dating coach, dating tips, dating & relationship advice"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me.  I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey, PBS Pledge Host

7 Comments

  1. Gabriel on July 5, 2020 at 6:04 am

    I think that friends can help you to get over your ex. Also, get busy is a good option! Fill your time with your passions, friends, and jobs. Personally I work out really hard to get over but people are having success in self-development program – https://bit.ly/2NVXKJx



  2. Fazal Mayar on July 12, 2020 at 6:56 pm

    Thanks Diana. It is tough to get over your ex indeed



  3. TheLoudBuzz on July 20, 2020 at 9:06 am

    Nice post. I am a frequent visitor to your blog posts and love how you put such advice in words. Keep up the good work!



  4. Fazal Mayar on July 30, 2020 at 9:39 am

    Thanks for this its often tough to forget your ex



  5. Kaviner on August 13, 2020 at 2:07 am

    Dr. Diana Kirschner,
    There was great information for Dating Tips & Relationship Advice.



  6. Rob on September 2, 2020 at 6:06 pm

    WOOW! nice post packed with lots of helpful information!



  7. eltjon cenka on November 8, 2020 at 11:11 am

    all exccelent advice a hope that one must have is to believe that the next person is better



Leave a Comment