How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out

how to get a guy to ask you out
Are you wondering just how to get a guy to ask you out?  Maybe you are super interested in a hottie on a site, app or IRL (in real life).  In fact, you may be smitten and really want to get to know him.  But you want him to pursue you and ask you out on a date.  Unfortunately, you feel baffled and stymied when you think about how to go about doing it. Well, read on!  So here are 6 key tips designed to show a man you are interested.  And at the same time, get him to ask you for a date.

How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out Tip # 1 Be appreciative and validating

First, I want you to recognize that guys crave appreciation and validation from women.  So look at his profile or listen to what he mentions in messages or IRL and then, give him a sincere compliment. Something like, I just started running myself and noticed you did half of the NYC marathon. Not too shabby!   Or you might say, I see that you helped rescue wolves in California.  I think that is amazing!  There’s no doubt, that men naturally want to spend time with women who make them feel good.


How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out Tip #2  Focus on interests you have in common

Whether you are messaging, texting or talking IRL, talk about the interests and passions you share. For starters, ask what he likes to eat or what sports, hobbies, or movies he’s into. For example, find out if he’s into Sci Fi like you are.  If that’s the case, share a tidbit or ask a question about the newest space odyssey that just came out.  If he mentioned Chaco Canyon, you might say, I love Chaco Canyon!  I got a very cool piece of Anasazi pottery from the Heritage Center.  Did you get go on that crazy pink jeep tour?  So this type of conversation naturally sets the stage to do something together that you are both excited about.

How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out Tip #3 Share your excitement about the next big event in your shared interest area

If you both love a certain band, find out when the next concert is and let him know how amazing and unique it is going to be.  How about food choices? If you are both into sushi, mention a new Asian restaurant that is opening in your neighborhood.  Or if you are both into animal rescue, talk about the upcoming fundraiser your local shelter is going to have.  Any of these examples, make it so easy for the hottie to say, “Let’s go together.

How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out Tip #4  Flirt up a storm

This shows that you are interested in him and opens the door for him to ask you for a date.  Here are a few powerful flirting moves.

  • Wink or send a winking emoji.
  • Send a kiss emoji.
  • Laugh or send a laughing emoji at his jokes.
  • Be sure to use his name a lot; give him a complimentary nickname, like Captain Jack or Superman Sam. (no worries about being too cheesy—guys love it!)
  • Make eye contact and smile. If he makes lingering or repeated eye contact back, he is probably interested.
  • Look at him, look away, look back.
  • While sitting, cross your legs and jiggle your foot in his direction.
  • Touch him lightly on the arm, shoulder or neck.
  • Touch your lips, neck or chest.
  • Play with your hair, clothing or an object.
  • Whisper in his ear.
  • Give him a mini-massage.
  • Compliment him.
  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Ask for help with something.


How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out Tip #5  Make sure he has your number

If you are first encountering the hottie IRL, make sure he has your phone number before you part.  You don’t want to be walking away feeling sad about never connecting with him again.  You want him to have your number and reach out to you.  An easy way to do this, is when you are having a great conversation and the vibe is on, say, Would you like my number so we can keep talking about X?  (whatever x is!)

How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out Tip #6  When leaving, say you’d like to see him again

So if we are talking IRL, be sure to end with saying how much fun you had and that you’d like to see him again.  In fact, this sets the stage for him to make a specific plan to get together with you.

So there you have six tips to get a guy to ask you out.  If you are dealing with a super shy guy, you can also just go ahead and suggest the date yourself. If it doesn’t work, no worries.

Also, please don’t take a “no” personally! Who knows? The guy may be tied up in an old relationship—even if he is feeling very much into you!

If you are having trouble getting dates, be sure to have a complimentary Breakthrough-To-Love Session to learn how to get lots more dates.  And always remember, dating is a numbers game and the more guys who fall off the dance card, the better. The closer you will be to finding the One.  And he is out there!


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Are you a successful woman who is tired of having NO good men to date?  THIS  is for you!

Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women, including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!

I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah, the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days.  My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR.

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  1. TheLoudBuzz on July 1, 2020 at 9:07 am

    Wow I really loved this article.. Totally agree with your points.. You can also check my blog on Signs he is not interested in you after the first date and leave feedback! Happy reading!

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