Finding the One: The Dating Program of Three
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.
If you want to know how to find the one, listen to the wise words of the Bard. Moderation is key. It keeps you from moving too quickly or too slowly when you’re getting to know new men and what they bring to your table. In my experience as a Love Mentor, the most powerful way to achieve moderation is by using the Dating Program of Three. And therefore, it’s the best way to find the One.
The Program of Three is exactly the opposite of the urban legend “three-date rule,” which dictates that you must decide by the third date if a guy is the potentially the One and have sex or lose him forever. On this dating program, you avoid that pressured decision and its aftermath: a Flame Out that usually kills the relationship. Instead you date three men at the same time without having sex with any of them. By not seeing any one man too often, you find the men who are really into you and who will stay the course. Plus, you break out of your prison of deadly dating patterns and maneuver more skillfully in the dating world. By following this program, you build your self-esteem and find men that are much more fulfilling.
Why this Program works
To Find the One Avoid this Mistake
To Find the One Avoid This
Once this process takes you over, you become like a craving coke addict. You lose touch with reality, seeing only the positives. You lose self-control. Instead you are locked on the target, the fix—hotwired and ready to do outrageous things, sometimes self-destructive things, whatever it takes to be with him. One look, one sweet word is all it takes. Even if you don’t really know him. Even if it is not in your best interests. And as you continue to spend more time together the addiction intensifies.
If you move too quickly into the pulsing rush of love, you put yourself at risk for an agonizing withdrawal if this man rejects you. Then sleeplessness, crying jags, over- or under eating, obsessive and upsetting thoughts, all mess with your brain chemistry even further.
The Dating Program of Three safeguards you against all these dangers of love addiction. On this program you will see the new hottie less often and have a measured coming together. You will be less likely to lock on to him with a singular focus that puts you at risk. In this way you elegantly avoid getting physiologically and emotionally devastated if it turns out that he is a player or all wrong for you.
Last but not least, the Program of Three also stops you from having sex prematurely. Why is this so important? Simple biology. When you have sex with someone, your body drives up the levels of oxytocin both during the whole sexual act and after you leave the scene. Oxytocin, which has been called the cuddle, bonding, or tend-and-befriend hormone, creates a strong biological attachment. This means that your body may automatically start the attachment process with almost anyone you bed, whether or not you want to be in a relationship with him! Add that chemical to any dopamine surges and you’re desperately waiting for his text, email or phone call. Jumping into bed too soon means you open yourself to premature infatuation, dependency and a kind of pseudo-intimacy that almost always backfires. Then, caught in the chemical soup of dopamine and oxytocin, you will likely lose yourself.
Dating three guys helps clarify what you want and need in a man, because you can easily and instantly compare and contrast. So for example, when Friday rolls around and ‘Sean’ is cheap and miserly, Saturday’s date with ‘Randy’ will more clearly showcase his giving nature. When you come from abundance in the land of men, you can give yourself many possibilities rather than just one. Don’t miss Part II of How to Find the One in which I show you how to work the Program.