How to Date When You Want Kids Now
When You Want Kids Now
Do you feel your biological clock is ticking? Yet you haven’t met the right person to have kids with?
You’ve always wanted children. You figured it was a given that you’d meet the right guy, get married and start a family. Every time you worried it might not happen, you told yourself that marriage and pregnancy were likely just around the corner.
After all, you’ve always gotten what you wanted when it came to your career and goals. You pursued them relentlessly until it worked out.
Yet, here you are, approaching that age when you’re starting to worry it’s getting too late to have children. Your biological clock is ticking.
Lack of Progress in Dating Increases the Pressure
Naturally, you find yourself increasingly stressed when it comes to dating. With every dating and relationship disappointment you lose more hope. And then you wonder, how do you approach the topic of wanting kids? Will it scare him off if you tell him how much you want a baby? Is it better to lay it all on the table or play coy? Should you broach the topic sooner or later?
If this resonates with you, I want you to know you’re not alone. In our Coaching Program, we’ve worked with many of women in this position. And many have gone on to have children! The key is you must know how to balance wanting children and being detached.
You see, attachment to an outcome—any outcome—usually creates a lot of suffering. When you’re very attached to having a child, this is usually the case. You find yourself more and more anxious. And you’re likely giving off an anxious vibe to the men you meet.
Cultivate Detachment When you Feel like the Biological Clock is Ticking
So it’s very wise to cultivate an attitude of detachment about the whole getting pregnant ASAP thing. This does not mean that you do not take right action! On the contrary, sometimes taking right action—for example, exploring freezing your eggs or adopting—can be very helpful in creating emotional serenity about the whole topic of becoming a mom.
For example, one of the women we’re coaching recently started exploring freezing her eggs and noticed that just taking the steps to explore this has made a dramatic difference in her dating. It’s taken the pressure off. She’s been able to have more fun and live in the moment with guys. In turn, she’s attracting more potential partners.
Turn Over Your Biological Clock to the Universe
So how do you create detachment, or as they say in a 12-step program, “Turn it over”? Here I recommend turning to the Divine or your concept of God. Imagine handing your pregnancy wishes and dreams into the hands of whatever Higher Power speaks to you. You can set up what is often called a God Box in order to turn over the issue t o the Divine. Write down a love affirmation that calls to you, like:
“I trust the Divine to bring me to a glorious outcome regarding having children.”
“God, it is all in your hands regarding me having children. Thanks for giving me joy in this arena!”
“Infinitely Loving Divine Presence, thank you for blessing me beyond measure! I have a surprisingly fulfilling and joyful life as a parent and partner.”
Then put your affirmation in the God Box and say, “Thank You!”
You will be very surprised to see your affirmation manifest in an amazing way!
What to Say to Him
Now, when it comes to weeding out potential partners, I recommend that you feel him out in a low pressure way. You might say something like, “I’m surprised you and your ex didn’t have kids?” Or, work it into the conversation in a way the conveys you want kids but you aren’t just looking for a baby daddy. For example, “I definitely want kids. But I want to find the right person first and foremost.” And see what he says.
If he runs, he is doing you a favor. Otherwise he would have wasted your precious time. Remember spending too much time on the wrong guys who don’t have similar life goals will only delay you finding the right One.
Do you feel like your biological clock is ticking and time is running out to have kids? Getting stressed with dating? We’re here to help you. so become a regular reader of the Dating Advice for Women Blog.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.