How to Build Self Confidence: 4 Life-Altering Hacks

how to build self confidence
How to build self-confidence around men? That’s the million dollar question!  When it comes to dating, relationships  and love, self-confidence is everything.  Having the confidence to put yourself out there on and offline, the courage to flirt, to take the chance of being ghosted and rejected, the self-confidence to take a chance on letting someone love you.  To take a chance on getting a commitment… or not.

For example, Khloe, a curvaceous 43 year old was quite pretty but she was not aware of it.  She had the kind of figure that would capture guys’ attention all the time.  But she just didn’t see it.  Literally.  All that flirty attention went right over her head—because she just had no self-confidence.

In fact, she would dutifully go out to dinner with her friends and not see that the cute waiter was actually hitting on her.  Her girlfriends had to point it out and, even then, Khloe became shy and tongue-tied when he brought the next course.   Khloe felt so disappointed  in the dating world.  Perhaps you have felt that way too.

But Khloe got herself a fairy godmother (more on that later—and yes, they do exist, but as specially-trained coaches!).  And Khloe’s coach taught her a powerful exercise to banish her nobody girl’s blues.  In this blog you will learn exactly what Khloe’s fairy Godmother taught her to do—it’s called The Own Your Success Exercise.  It brought Khloe right out of her shell!  She was able to get out there and start dating some really good guys.

How to Build Self-Confidence:  Own Your Successes, Small and Large!

We are wired to look at and focus on what has gone wrong or what is missing in our lives, just by our brain functioning.  We forget where we came from and what we have overcome and how unstoppable we are.  And we don’t give ourselves credit for change and growth.  This tends to drag any hopeless ness in our past into our present and future.  The danger is that if we do not notice the good aspects of the new life we are creating, we can miss out on wonderful opportunities.  For example, you could meet the most wonderful  prince in the world and still be miserable!!!

It is absolutely critical to retrain our brains to notice what is right, and how far we have come.  And to own it and be grateful.   Yes, it is there.  You do have successes!  Everyone does!  In fact, there are things that you have done that have been amazing—surprising and wonderful.  This is your greatness. But these are also the wonderful events that we tend to forget.  And foolishly remember situations where we failed, even if it is only in some small way.

Now, here is a 4 step exercise to help you get in touch with your successes, so that you can have heightened self-confidence and personal empowerment in your love life, just like Khloe did.

How to Build Self-Confidence:  Step 1. Remember a Time that You did Something You are Proud of.

Remember a time when you accomplished something others or you, yourself, said was “impossible” to do. Or a time when you accomplished something that made you very proud.  Something that relates to dating or love—like seeing the attractiveness in your body, finding a great boyfriend for a bit, being pursued by a hottie who was smitten by you, even something as small as finding that special outfit that makes your beauty begin to pop!

How to Build Self-Confidence: Step 2. Journal about the Challenges You have Overcome

First, write about the obstacles and challenges and how you overcame each one to succeed in producing this accomplishment.   For example, Khloe found her greatness by transforming her negative self-talk about her weight and her body into a more positive commentary about her “luscious curves”  and “sauciness.”  She wrote about the obstacles she overcame —which had to do with her parents, who had always called her chubby.  And a jealous sister, who called her “the Blob” and tended to nitpick about how Khloe looked in form-fitting outfits.

How to Build Self-Confidence: Step 3. Identify Your Successful Mindsets, Unique Strengths and Behaviors

For example, Khloe developed the mindset that she would “never give up” when it came to loving herself.  Her unique strength was that she had the emotional ability to take a bit of distance from her critical family.  And her behavior, which her coach had her do every day was to look in the mirror and tell herself she was luscious and saucy.    You may have other mindsets that serve you, like “I am tough”, or other strengths, like your ability to analyze a situation that is not good for you.  Or, for example, like an ability to seek out excellent coaching or loving input.


How to Build Self-Confidence: Step 4. Create an Affirmation that Builds on these Breakthroughs

Here are examples that you can use:

  • No worries, with (insert your mindset, strength, & behavior)–I am unstoppable in finding uplifting love.
  • When I make up my mind, I gratefully get what I want for myself.
  • I am blessed to accomplish the impossible.
  • With Divine grace I am unstoppable when it comes to finding the One.
  • Thankfully I accomplish the impossible.
  • God helps me happily and creatively get the love I want.

Post your affirmation where you can see it and put your full attention on it for a few seconds every day.  It will begin to retrain your brain to focus on your successes and personal empowerment, bigtime.

So when you do these self-confidence building steps you will be surprised at how you begin to see yourself differently—as a person who is on her own unique journey to love, who has overcome obstacles and moving along!!!  And you are.

In fact, if you want more support, you can have it! I’ve helped savvy women around the world get priceless soulmate love….without dating burnout. How? Through coaching that supercharges their self-confidence, in a way that no other dating coach or matchmaker does. So let me buy you an introductory self-confidence turbocharging session with one of my experts.


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Are you a successful woman who is tired of having NO good men to date?  THIS  is for you!

Hi, I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. My team and I have helped thousands of successful single women, including judges, famous shrinks, CEOs, philanthropists, Directors, professors, and celebrities like Hoda Kotb from The Today Show to find a high-quality man who understands, appreciates and cherishes them, and I'm confident we can help YOU too!

I'm a PBS Love expert and psychologist who has appeared on Oprah, the Today Show and in an Amazon Prime show, Love in 90 Days based on my bestseller Love in 90 Days.  My work has been featured in The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, ABC, People, and NPR.

I specialize in helping high-caliber women create feminine self-confidence, dating success, and passionate love matches.

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  1. Abdullah Hussain on September 23, 2021 at 1:37 am

    Hey, Thank you for sharing this. Will definitely try the affirmations to bring a positive change in my personality.

  2. James Smith on December 11, 2021 at 3:48 pm

    Thank you for sharing this.Very helpfull.

  3. James Smith on December 11, 2021 at 3:49 pm

    Thanks for sharing this with us.

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