1. What is the single most important thing you personally do to be happy?
I work on remembering that I’m writing the story of my life. It’s sort of like the screenwriter who writes a movie. I might not like the way the story is going but can see where I’ve made choices that are not always the best. for example, like choices that have not helped me to be in a good relationship. In that case I can do a ‘rewrite.’ I am responsible for my actions. I can choose how to be happy at any given moment!
2. What is a simple step our readers can take to create change in their lives?
Start small. When you try to go on a diet you can’t lose 50 pounds overnight! Choose to make one small change and then stick with it. Think about it before you begin. For example, if you want to give up cookies, you’d clear them out of your house before you began to make that change. Then you can feel that first victory. Starting small and finding success is a great way to build confidence and make more and bigger changes.
3. Can anyone really be happy?
I think happiness is fleeting, but a sense of joy that lives within us — I believe that is lasting! It comes when we meet challenges, when we work with others to create something larger than what we could do on our own. When we pet an animal or spend time with a friend. Or when we get or give help for something. And, of course, when we find our soul mate there is a sense that we are connected to something greater than ourselves. Which brings happiness and lasting joy. Finding out how to be happy is key to peace and serenity.
4. Does love really make us happy?
Love creates a sense of being joyfully connected to that spark of the divine in us. When we make such a strong connection to another person we see that divine spark in our partner too. It helps us feel fully alive.
5. What is it about mentoring® that helps a woman?
Knowing that she doesn’t have to be alone in navigating the dating world and that she has help in figuring out how to communicate with a man is very empowering. A Love Mentor is different than a friend. A Mentor has training and holds you accountable in a way that friends and family do not. It’s a different kind of support. We all need our friends and family, but would you call a friend who knows nothing about roofing to fix your leaky roof? Love Mentors™ are trained to assist and support women (and men) who just need a bit of encouragement and help to find their partner. My clients tell me that working with me is an great investment they make in themselves and their future. It makes me so joyful when they find the dating and relationship success they long for!
6. What’s one mistake that you wish women wouldn’t make?
Many of my clients have the mistaken belief that they must control their partner or date so that he is the way THEY think he should be. This keeps them from knowing who he is and appreciating the relationship. It also keeps women from living a real life and instead stuck in a fantasy that creates drama and conflict. I think women do this because they think that controlling or guiding a relationship will avoid conflict. It actually does the opposite. Solving problems brings love partners closer together. It moves their relationship forward and allows for deeper communication!
7. How do you help women get out of bad relationships?
Ending a relationship is difficult for women in particular. We tend to be ‘nice’ and we don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. So we are often unprepared for the variety of feelings we experience in the process. It is OK to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, anger, fear, and pain associated with an ending. Denying those feelings or keeping them inside will only prolong them. Recognize that guilt, self-blame, and bargaining are defenses we use against feeling out of control. But there are some endings we can’t control because we can’t control another person’s behavior or their feelings. All we can do is be responsible for our own. and that includes how to be happy at any given moment.
This relationship advice blog on how to be happy was an interview with one of our Love Mentors® Lindsey Halpern-Givens. Lindsey is a Board Certified Chaplain.