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How Limiting Beliefs Hurt Alicia’s Dreams of Love

limiting beliefs can hurt

Here’s another true love story in the Case Studies Series

For the last couple of years, I’ve been walking by a yard with a dog that was tied up to a post with a six foot chain.  The dog would run in the same circular pattern, limited by the length of his chain.  Recently, I noticed that the owners built a large kennel giving the dog free rein to run much farther and in any direction it pleased.  Yet, the dog still runs in exactly the same way, in a small circular space. It got me thinking about how limiting beliefs can hurt our dreams of love.

I mean, limiting beliefs are just thoughts, right?  They don’t actually limit our physical reality but we sure behave as if they do, much like the dog on the invisible chain.  We create limiting beliefs in response to circumstances, usually the painful ones.   And, even though as human beings we have a remarkable ability to heal, we tend to respond to new experiences through this limited point of view. And then our behaviors and experiences never actually change. That’s how powerfully limiting beliefs can hurt our love intentions.

How Limiting Beliefs Hurt Alicia

One of my dear coaching clients, Alicia, a lovely plus-size gal, got her heart broken bad!  She developed the relationship killing beliefs that she was “unlovable” and “Men are jerks.”  So when she started to date again, she only saw men as either jerks or, if she really liked a guy, as unattainable.  And, guess what?  She ignored some really great men. Or pushed them away with her anxiety. that meant she focused on the ones who really were jerks. And boy, were there jerks who came into her life!!  So, like the dog in the wide open kennel, the world started to occur through the lens of these limiting beliefs. Even though in reality there were way more possibilities for her.

To break her out of the limiting beliefs that still hurt her and to become free from the chains to her past, I helped Alicia:

1) Truly let go of the past painful experiences through forgiveness. She found the larger meaning in her past traumas and became grateful for what the experience taught her and,

2) Learn to create more empowering, positive beliefs about her present and future.  I taught her to truly see the present for what it is. A wide open space for her to run and play in any direction she pleases. by practicing these and other habits daily Alicia overcame the limited beliefs that hurt her.

What Happened with Alicia?

In this context, I’m sure you can guess what happened to Alicia. Suddenly, Alicia was overwhelmed with responses from some really terrific men.  And, now she is with a truly wonderful man in the relationship of her dreams. He texts her daily. Recently, he took her on an awesome trip to the Big Apple and bought her an emerald ring. Yes now, they are making some serious future plans.

If you find that limiting beliefs can hurt you because you’re living the same frustrating dating experiences over and over, check to see if the chain is still there. Before you come to any conclusions about your actual reality.   Journal about the limiting beliefs that are chaining you down.  Are they really true?  Is there any other way to look at your situation that might be more freeing, or feel better?   Write those thoughts down.  If they make you feel good, post them where you will see them daily.  You’ll find that you really can get the life and love you want!

This blog was written by one of our Love Mentors, Karen Holland. Thank you Karen for your insights on how our limited beliefs can hurt us and how to overcome them.

 

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Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.” ~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

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