Hooking Up & Other Dating Difficulties

hooking up

Hooking Up Has Become the Norm for Millennials

Hooking up, that is, no-strings-attached sex, can be hot, mind-blowingly hot.  And, hooking up has become the norm for both men and women millennials.  Now many women over 40 are into it as well. But there are high costs for this brief steamy pleasure.   Impulsive in-the-moment sex is often fueled by alcohol or drugs, which makes it hard to remember that it is risky sex.  Risks escalate if there is no condom, or if it sits in the back pocket instead of being put on.  Chances are your partner is having sex with lots of others, no matter what he or she says.  So the condom needs to be where it is supposed to be.  Protecting you from AIDS and other STDs.  Not to mention saving you from having to deal with an unwanted pregnancy (if you’re young enough).

Hooking Up and the Flame-Out Dating Pattern

There are tons more reasons why old-fashioned dating rocks and hooking up may not serve you in the long term.  Casual no-strings-attached sex can be an emotional boomerang that sets you up for heartbreak and disappointment both emotionally physically.   Hooking up often leads a moth-to-a-flame burn-out: you get a giant surge of dopamine, the falling-in-love jet fuel that makes you crazy about your partner, plus oxytocin which bonds you to him or her.  But often this hot-wired attachment does not go both ways.  Your partner, may simply blow you off.  Then you wind up discarded and heartbroken.  This is the Flame Out Deadly Dating pattern that ruins your chances for a love relationship.  It is the most common dead-end love pattern that I describe in my dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding True Love.

The Truth About Hooking Up

Meanwhile, this month’s Cosmo (with Kate Hudson on the cover) has a must-read article called “The Truth About Hooking Up,” by Laura Gilbert that you need to get.  Laura cites all the latest research that shows how hooking up can be a big problem for women (plus she interviews me, ahem, one of my favorite authors).  Seriously, I really want you to check out this article for some important surprises–like who is more likely to get certain kinds of sexual pleasure out of a hook up.


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  1. Susan on September 18, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    Wow! Great tips! Thank you for sharing your wisdom! What a great site!

    I cant wait until your book comes out. I ordered it on Amazon!

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