Dr. Diana, He broke my heart and still contacts me? Why?

Well, there a number of reasons but he’s not contacting you to torture you. So what gives and how can you get to the real story?

He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: My Client Jo

My coaching client, Jo, kept getting texts and emails from her ex. She was frustrated, angry and relieved all at the same time. “The nerve of the guy”, she said. He broke my heart and still contacts me? My relationship advice to Jo was simple. Give him some more contact but do not make it too easy for him.

For example, in the first few interactions with her ex, I suggested to Jo that she challenge him by asking if he had any further thoughts about the breakdown in their relationship. He wanted to see her, so she just scheduled a half-hour coffee date and made sure that afterward she had other plans. I warned her to not wind up impulsively sleeping with him again when he hadn’t demonstrated much transformation. This booty call is the kiss of death of any future together. But to her credit, Jo pulled it off perfectly and later I’ll share with you what happened.

He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: The Guiding Principle

Here’s the guiding principle: In order to have more and more contact with you, your ex has to show that he is sincere. Words are cheap. More important, watch for his follow-through on actions he promises you. To help you determine whether you should continue seeing your ex, study if the separation has helped your guy achieve a breakthrough in his commitment to you. Has his acting out stopped? Finally, have his doubts about you and the relationship changed for the better?

He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: Look for Five Signs of Change in Your Ex

Look at the list below and see if he shows at least 3 of these signs, ranging from modest improvements in behavior to deep transformations.

1. He shows you that he’s worried or upset (this is realistic if he really cares for you!).
2. You wind up having deep, open, and honest conversations with each other about your relationship, what was missing in it, and where you’d like to take it in the future.
3.  He realizes what he did wrong and is sincerely apologetic (not defensive).
4. Wants to make things up to you.
5. Suddenly saying all the things you used to say about the relationship being great.

He Broke My Heart and Still Contacts Me: The Hack for Getting Back

If he demonstrates three or more of these signs and does want to get back with you, make sure you are having serious conversations about your future. Also, determine what it’s going to take to get your relationship to a deeper level. I recommend couples counseling or Love Mentoring with one of my expert relationship coaches. Remember Jo? Her ex showed 3 of these key signs and followed through with a few more thoughtful gestures that really touched her heart. With the help of her relationship coach, Jo took a firm stance about what she needed from her ex. And within 12 months they were happily married.

If you or a dear friend are wondering, “He broke my heart and still contacts me”, you can get in touch with me today to get a personal gift from me to you. In fact, let me buy you a session so you can see how valuable this work can be for you. And I’ll personally select one of our gifted dating coaches to help you handle your unique challenges with your ex boyfriend. And get THE relationship that is just right for you.  

Now we have this question from a reader: Dr. Diana my ex, he broke my heart and still contacts me? Is he still interested? See what I have to say on the video below.