Five Online Dating Communication Tips for Starting a Healthy Relationship

online dating communication tipsAre you looking for online dating communication tips to set up a healthy, passionate, forever  love relationship?  It can be very challenging, for sure!  You may see a guy whose photo and profile are very attractive to you.  You wonder, how do you make yourself stand out among all the zillions of other women who are also interested in this man?  How do you connect to him digitally to set up a healthy relationship from the start?  Well this blog is for you! There are specific keys to communicating online that will help you to connect to someone who is on your wavelength and potentially a great soulmate match for you!  Let’s start with messaging tips that make him beg to meet you:

Online Dating Communication Tip #1: Focus on Similar Interests

Shared interests are very important to a lasting love relationship. For an initial message reaching out to a new match, share a specific experience you enjoyed related to an activity he mentions in his profile and add a question about it. For example, if he mentions Chaco Canyon, you might write, I love Chaco Canyon!  I got a very cool piece of Anasazi pottery from the Heritage Center that I keep in my office to remember that sunset.  Did you get go on that crazy pink jeep tour?

RELATED POST: Online Dating Tips Conversation Starters

Online Dating Communication Tip #2: Start a positive cycle of interaction.

For example, give him a sincere compliment. Something like, I just started running myself and noticed you did half of the NYC marathon. Not too shabby!   Then see if he responds in kind.  If he is not appreciative of the compliment and sharing some compliments of you, move on.  You want a guy who has a positive, validating interaction with you!

 Online Dating Communication Tip #3: Use his name if you have it and flirt by throwing in a bit of a challenge. See if he responds in kind.

Using his name is a third powerful way to create a feeling of connection between you.  If he’s into football, something like, Well, Jason, what about a Ravens-Saints Superbowl matchup? The young QB vs. the Hall of Famer? How cool would that be? This kind of flirting, is TOTALLY IRRESISTIBLE to a man who is a good soulmate match.  See if he flirts back with you.  Flirting is a key component of healthy relationships.

Online Dating Communication Tip #4: Be upbeat and fun.  See if he is upbeat and funny himself.

For example, you could say, I just had a breakthrough in my lasagna recipe! One taste and you’ll be hooked (fair warning).  See if he responds in kind.  A healthy relationship is filled with fun and laughter.  Shared humor is a part of the bonding process that is very powerful.

Online Dating Communication Tip #5: Be honest but no confessionals.  See if he responds similarly.

You don’t want to message him about how you drank all last night and are sick at work now.   Nor do you want him to do the same.  If he is giving you overly personal info or confessionals, head for the hills. Being with someone who has poor boundaries or acts out in a negative way is not a set up for a healthy loving relationship!

So there you have five online dating communication tips that will have him beg to meet you. Ideally, you want about 3-4 fun flirty messages on the app, 2-6 text exchanges, and then to meet for coffee.  And do check out the video below on flirty texts. But don’t get stuck in a fantasy messaging relationship with the “perfect” guy whom you never talk to on the phone.  Even though you may feel intimidated, having a real conversation will give you so much more info about your match. So that you don’t waste time.  You can feel a guy’s energy, his mood, and whether he is a good conversational match for you.  In order to have a healthy relationship you  want to be weeding out what I call the DUDs (Definitely Unsuitable Dudes), and a phone call is a very efficient way to do that!

Bottom Line

In fact, in our coaching program we have found that STUDs (Seriously Terrific, Utterly Devoted Dudes) will often call in the beginning without the woman asking to talk.  They are the more successful guys who also don’t want to waste time, so they are more interested and willing to connect via phone. A guy’s availability for talking with you is very telling!  On the other hand,  if he doesn’t meet with you after two or three weeks after matching on a site, or a week or so after an app match, move on.

For example, one millennial, Kelley, was a sloe-eyed brunette who came into our coaching program because she was burnt out on Tinder– and Match before that!  She had a pattern of getting lost in texting with guys who never spoke to her on the phone and never made a date.  Kelley was sick of the whole digital dating world.  Her coach taught her these online dating communication tips and the rest is history.  She found guys who shared her interests, started lively flirty exchanges with them, faced down her own fear of talking to new matches on the phone and started ruling guys out who didn’t step up.  Kelley wound up dating two great guys who are seriously crazy about her (in a great way!)

There are amazing matches out there for you too.  Now one in every three marriages in the U.S. start with an online connection.  And they are healthier marriages that last longer!

Now check out this video and learn how to flirt via texting so that he’s really interested in you.

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Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

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1 Comment

  1. Diksha on July 18, 2020 at 2:48 am

    “Shared humor is a part of the bonding process that is very powerful”. Great lines Dr Diana. I always follow your blogs posts and love it! By the way, if we are talking about online communication, I have also tried and wrote a blog on 47 Flirty Texts to Make her Blush which may be helpful while communicating online. If you could just check it out and leave me feedback, I would really appreciate it. Till then, keep posting such awesome stuff! 🙂

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