This baby boomer dating blog is an interview with Love Mentor®, Karen Holland. Karen is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in working with couples and individuals getting in and out of relationships. She helps women find love after 50.
Finding Love After 50: Frustrations
I work with lots of boomer women who are looking to find love after 50. I’ve come to the conclusion that women of this age, in general, are by far the most interesting, accomplished, and sexy. Once a woman reaches her middle years she often has the self possession it takes to really know what she wants. She’s lived through a multitude of experiences and is less plagued by the anxieties that consume the minds of younger women. Perhaps, she’s raised children, been divorced a time or two, and maybe has never found true love. But she has learned about herself in the process. In this way, mature women are in the perfect place to find real, committed love.
Still women, as they age, face certain realities. They may have been out of the dating game for a while. They may not understand these new ways to date. It can all be a little intimidating. IMO, they need specialized dating advice to find love after 50. They wonder if men only want to be with younger women. They wonder if they have to “put out” and when. Some look at their changing bodies and say “To hell with it; I better just stay home.” If they’ve been looking for a long time, these sometimes highly successful career women, are burnt out and certainly turned off by men who have either played badly with their hearts over the years or are simply just too boring!
Dating Advice For Women Over 50 1. Mind the Frump
It is incredibly important to make yourself beautiful in your own eyes. It’s not about competing with younger women. It’s about bringing out what women over 50 undoubtedly have- sex appeal. Really. Update your haircut and your wardrobe. Tone your arms and strengthen those legs (very important anyway to avoid that walker when you’re 80!). Check out books like Younger Next Year (for Women) by Crowley & Lodge which makes the whole diet, exercise and aging thing incredibly simple (and very funny). For beauty help, I love Charla Krupp’s books How Not to Look Old and How to Never Look Fat Again.
Finding Love After 50 #2. Get online or App!
Did you know that the largest group to try online/app dating is 55 and over? Everybody’s online these days. In addition to the big dating sites like Match.com, and eHarmony.com, which offer dating for women over 50, check out seniorpeoplemeet.com and silversingles.com as well.
Finding Love After 50 #3. Keep those legs crossed (for now)
Don’t jump into the sack so quickly. Yes, you went through the sexual liberation movement but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep a little mystery and a make a man work harder for you. And, yes, you do have to worry about STDs and HIV. In fact, 15% of all new HIV cases were in people over 50. Additionally, older women are more susceptible to STDs because they can have lowered immune systems, thinning vaginal walls and are much less likely than younger women to bring up the subject of STDs with their potential lover.
Finding Love After 50 #4. Play, Play, Play!
As a dear friend of mind says, “Sit loose in the Saddle.” If you approach dating like a delightful experiment, the world as your playground, it will be so much more fun and you will experience much less burnout. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to get out there and not take yourself and dating so seriously. Though, I do want you to take the business of love seriously! For what is life without love?
Finding Love After 50 #5. Don’t Do it Alone!
Read good books, like Dr. Diana’s dating book, Love in 90 Days which has a special section for finding love after 50 and her relationship advice book Sealing the Deal to help navigate a relationship with a potential life partner. Stop trying to do everything on your own (Come on, you know you do!). Finding love after 50 can be challenging and it helps to have someone by your side guiding you and cheering you on.
Thank you, Karen for your wise words and dating advice for finding love after 50. You can have a free 40-minute dating strategy session by phone or Skype with an expert dating coach.