Dating Dilemmas of Successful Women: When Should You Become Exclusive with a Guy?
For many smart successful women, the dating process often goes something like this:
You date around until you meet someone you like. Then you naturally stop dating others and focus on your new sweetie. You may not have had an exclusive talk yet, but he’s being so attentive. And, you’re busy with work and other commitments, so you rationalize you don’t have time to keep playing the field. Maybe it just feels so right that you both agree to become exclusive with one another after a few dates.
And then… he freaks out and says he needs space. Or you sense that he’s afraid to commit.
Or, you start to see red flags. That charming guy begins to show signs of a workaholic. The social, fun loving guy seems to drink just a little bit too much. The powerful one is a tad controlling at times.
Ever had this happen to you?
As we talked about in my blog on the #1 Dating Mistake Singles Make, rushing into a relationship often backfires.
The truth is, slow and steady wins the race. Even if you think he is the One, continue dating other guys for at least two months. Even if he asks you to become exclusive right away or says he isn’t dating others, continue to keep your options open. This is so important because it enables you to compare and contrast different men. So you can truly find the best guy for you. You are more able to spot red flags when you take your time getting to know someone. And, this slower process enables you to break patterns of attracting the commitment phobes who come on strong then bolt.
Worried he’ll be turned off that you want to take things slow? Don’t be! I’ve helped thousands of women get the relationship they want. I promise you that the right guy will stay the course. In fact, slowing things down often gets him to woo you even more! Just be sure to give him lots of positive feedback. Around the second date, say something like: “I am having the best time with you, Rob! You are so funny. I just want to let you know I promised myself I’d take my time. But, I couldn’t imagine liking anyone more than you.”
So, how do you know when it is time to move to become exclusive with a guy?
On the Soulmate Dating Program you should only graduate to becoming exclusive after there has been at least two months of consistently improving contact. This means that the two of you are growing closer, and he is more emotionally available and acting more committed to you.
Here are the 7 signs to look for to become exclusive
Carefully watch his behavior towards you. Note if he is:
Getting more affectionate, attentive.
Making more appreciative and loving statements about (or to) you.
Sharing more thoughts and feelings with you.
Introducing you to friends and family members.
Inviting you into his home and sharing it with you.
Filling your needs to be understood, appreciated, romanced and celebrated for who you are.
Wanting a future together.
If this deepening process is in motion, you can consider becoming exclusive with a guy and having sex with him. Make sure it is safe sex!
When you know how to date most effectively, the guys you attract will get better and better over time, until you find that certain person who fits you like a glove. If you’re ready to break dead-end patterns that have resulted in heartbreak and want to finally meet a loyal partner, we’re here to help! Keep reading more articles like this one in the successful women blog.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.