Dating Dilemmas of Successful Women: Does Your Success Scare Guys Away?
Does your success scare guys away?
Rea, a doe-eyed fifty-something had graduate degrees and a successful coaching practice. When she met Jared, a caring smart guy who was depressed about being between jobs, she felt torn about revealing how much she had going on in her work life. She didn’t want to intimidate him or scare him off. Have you ever felt that you intimidate men with your success, just like Rea did? Does your success scare guys away?
If so, you’re not alone.
We’ve coached many successful women who have struggled with when to reveal how accomplished and successful they are. So, I wanted to address this important question as part of my blog series on Dating Dilemmas of Successful Women.
Research on Successful Women Dating
First, as I mentioned in my previous blog on why you haven’t met the one, always remember that the right man will love that you’re powerful and successful. Not only that, studies have actually shown that smart, successful men prefer to marry smart, successful women. So, does your success scare guys away? Nope – it won’t scare the right guy.
But, that doesn’t mean you should give him your verbal resume on a first date. Sure, tell him what you do, but I don’t recommend leading with talking all about your VP status, high-powered friends or business success at the outset of dating. You’d be surprised just how many women do—even in their online profiles.
Dates are not Business Interviews
Here’s why: Dates are not business interviews. The best relationships have an exquisite male-female chemistry and dance that is entrancing for both of you. It’s this polarity that builds attraction for you and him, especially during the early stages of getting to know one another. Dating is a time to let go of what’s happening at the office and embody your feminine, receptive energy. Sit back and let him impress you. Be your light, warm radiant self.
After date six or so, you can begin to share some of your successes as well as some of your challenges in your career. You will learn a lot by how the guy reacts at that point! Is he intimidated? Does he pull back? Is he appreciative and impressed? Does he share some of his successes? Can he make a true team partner or life mate or not? Pay close attention. Often the truth is in your gut reaction!
After they had been dating for a few months Rea felt she could tell Jared about her work and a problem she was having with one of her wealthy clients. It was a good time to talk about this, as Jared was at a point where he knew he was definitely into Rea! Jared proved to be a winner. He listened, validated her and made some solid suggestions for how she could handle the situation. He was not intimidated and stayed in the running to be the One for Rea.
Believe me, the right guy will come around for you. So in the beginning you should let things unfold slowly. When the relationship deepens, you will know you can be your real self more and more—including sharing your success! The right guy won’t be afraid!
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.