Dating Tips for Over 45 Women

dating tips over 45 women

This blog has a special treat for you. First, I’ll share my best dating tips for over 45 women. Then at the end, you can download a free MP3 interview conducted by Anne Holmes, from the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.  I discuss exactly how over 45 women can succeed in finding the love of their dreams.

Dating Tips for Over 45 Women 1. Youthify

I have this one first because it’s the most important dating tip for over 45 women. That’s right. Self-caretaking. Now you probably don’t hear the word youthify often. But it means what it says. Stay young and sharp. You must be active and healthy in order to enjoy the hunt, and the fruits of your labor.  Exercise is the key to our first dating tip.  Exercise creates a happier mood, increased stamina, a youthful body, heightened sex drive and is the perfect tonic for getting over a failed relationship. Regular cardio and resistance training also help reverse the aging process.

For the outer and inner you, start a regular cardio and weight-lifting program with your doctor’s permission. Exercising regularly lays the groundwork for health, which is the foundation for a vital sexual life.  A comprehensive study of more than 3,000 adults showed that 73% aged 47 to 64 and 53% of those aged 65 to 74 were sexually active. Even more important was the finding that among those who reported good or excellent health, a whopping 81% of the men and 51% of the women said they had been sexually active in the past year. Compare that sexual activity rate with only 26% of men and women having regular sex because of health issues.  Around half of both men and women under 75 had engaged in oral sex in the previous twelve months.

These findings do not surprise me. In my clinical and Love Mentoring experience many over 45 women find that they are more in touch with what they want in the bedroom. And more comfortable asking for it. So turn back the clock deliberately and intentionally. There are few limits if any to the capabilities of Mind. If I can do it, so can you.

Dating Tip for Over 45 Women 2. Counter Your Negative Self-Talk

Second, you’ve got to work on your inner critic. It’s not enough to look your best if you feel insecure and can’t project an easy-going, loving attitude. Therefore, it is important to practice countering your negative self-talk about no available men, saggy breasts, wrinkles and other stinking thinking with positive affirmations.

Anne, one of our coaching clients, describes the inner process work that ultimately led to her dating better men:

It became obvious to me that I needed to take a good look in the mirror to see why I had a repeated pattern of attracting less than satisfying partners.  Also, I began doing some inner house cleaning, no holds barred. Being really  honest with friends was hard. But I started having straight talk. It was liberating. If I wanted a really great guy, I needed to become a really great woman, and a terrific human being. So I cultivated my better qualities and accepted the flaws. And I focused on what was right and uplifting and gave up caring about the more superficial nit-picky things that made me feel self-conscious.

Anne is now happily married to Jay.

Dating Tips for Over 45 Women 3. Get Online

No matter what your age, don’t be shy—date off- and online. Put the word out in your network of friends, co-workers, and family that you are looking.  But most important, I do not want you to miss out on online dating. Thirty million singles a month are using online dating and apps in the U.S. according to the latest independent research. You can partake of this smorgasbord of possibilities right there at your computer. Spend time each day and work two sites.

As of this writing,, tinder and EHarmony are the most popular sites as measured by number of unique visitors for this age group. And they number in the millions so your odds of meeting someone great have never been better. In addition to these sites, there are more specialized sites that have growing numbers of over-40s like and if you’re Jewish.

Because there are fewer single men, older women have to be more proactive than younger women.  It is best to browse the guys and electronically ‘wink’ at or swipe the ones you are interested in right at the get-go. Then, you can be a bit more passive and let them work at courting you. This particular pattern will really show you who is interested.

Dating Tips for Over 45 Women 4. Get Help

Lastly, if you can’t Get to the Ball yourself, stop being foolishly independent. In my book Love in 90 Days, I stress the importance of finding Mentors. These are people who care for you, are in great relationships and are willing to help you look your best and feel your best. For example, let’s say you decide to give yourself a makeover and a trendy haircut. So that you become an ageless beauty. Go shopping and try out those clothes that your friend wears that give her that special sexy oomph. If you need help, ask someone that knows makeup and clothes to mentor you. He or she will be pleased to do so.

Mentors in the area of relationships are also available. Think of people you know who are happily married. Don’t ask your single friends because they can’t give what they don’t have. If you look for a therapist, make sure he/she has what you want in love. I have trained therapists for decades. And I know that if they’re struggling in a relationship or they are alone, they may be just as wounded as you are in this crucial arena. If you want to read more about women who used love mentoring to find and marry the One check out out this post. You’ll read about a woman over 50 who used love mentoring, married the love of her life and was featured in The New York Times.


Dating Tips for Over 45 Women: Cautions

If you are going to be sexually active, make sure you use condoms and dental dams. Boomers are often naive when it comes to the reality of HIV, which can be transmitted through both intercourse and oral sex. The AARP study cited above showed that only 39 percent of those who were having regular sex used protection. And the number of AIDS cases in women aged 50+ is growing, because thinner vaginal walls are more susceptible to tears. Remember, safe sex can still be great sex.

You now have four dating tips for over 45 women. These are tools for overcoming obstacles regardless of age. Start turning these hurdles into opportunities for personal growth and the cultivation of love. And don’t worry if you’re a beginner. Read my 5 must-have online dating tips for beginners.

How To Find True Love if You are Over 45

And now for a exclusive: How to Find Your Own True Love, with Anne Holmes, from the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.  On this downloadable MP3, I discuss exactly how those over 45 can succeed in finding the companionship and love of their dreams. And it includes many wonderful, detailed success stories! And you can right click on the link to save it for future listening or sharing with your friends.

Additional Resources

For more easy to use information, please sign up for our free dating and relationship advice newsletter. And if you’re struggling and need immediate help take advantage of a complimentary dating strategy session with one of our expert coaches. It can change your life.


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Tired of loneliness and disappointment in your love life or marriage? This will change everything...

As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want-even when it seemed impossible.  I'm Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.

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matchmaker, dating coach, dating tips, dating & relationship advice"I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me.  I found true love in three months! And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!" - Midge Woolsey

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