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Dating and Mating Advice: It’s Better to Wait to Have Sex

dating and mating advice

Dating and Mating Advice

Have you ever wondered if it’s better to wait to have sex? Well here’s some dating and mating advice from a mathematician and economist. These researchers used game theory in a study that shows that a longer courtship before having sex allows the male to show that he is “good” from the female’s vantage point. “Goodness” was defined as his perceived willingness to care for children after mating.  The dating and mating advice study, by Seymour and Sozou, is titled “Duration of courtship effort as a costly sign.”

IMO, this study is amusing in that the researchers actually use value-laden terms of “good” and “bad”.  In my view there is nothing “wrong” with having sex. But jumping into an intimate relationship or simply hooking up before you know someone are not usually great choices for either a man or a woman. If they have a goal of creating a true long-term love relationship.

Why this piece of dating and mating advice is right on

Having sex drives up levels of the hormone, oxytocin, which in turn can create a strong biological attachment. Oxytocin has been called the cuddle, bonding, or tend-and-befriend hormone. Throughout the whole sexual act you will experience increases in this hormone. This means that your body may start the attachment process with almost anyone you bed, whether or not you know: a) if you like them; b) if they are the kind of partner you want; or, c) whether they want to be in a relationship with you.

In addition, rushing into an intimate relationship can cause the release of dopamine, which is the infatuation biochemical. This means your body may organize you to feel like you are wildly in love, even if this person is not someone who will be the kind of partner you truly want. It’s the number one mistake in dating.

Bottom line on Dating and Mating Advice:

Until you get to really know someone, it’s not manipulative if you hold off on sex. This is true for both men and women who are interested in a long-term relationship. It is not some secret agenda that you have to hide. Instead, tt has to do with being clear about one’s relationship goals. And finding someone who is truly compatible and shares a similar vision.

The decision to wait is totally in line with the powerful Love in 90 Days Dating Program I describe in my dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. Our love mentor clients are having great success in finding soulmates online and off and creating true love and committed relationships. How?  By first casually dating a few guys and not having sex with any of them. At the outset of dating a little kissing and canoodling is OK.  Until they meet the right One. Even then they wait to have sex. When you follow this dating and mating advice, you be more likely to find the One. And then, you will have the juicy, true love connection that feeds the soul.

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Dr.-Diana-Kirschner-bio

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.

1 Comment

  1. Charlotte Dating on February 22, 2010 at 5:48 am

    You can select a personals / dating site by a niche. There are plenty of niches. Here are just a few: BBW, Christian, Senior , Sports Lovers, Dating with Children and Pet Lovers to name a few.

    In a particular niche, you will find people with the same interests. They will not be as big as a general dating site, but the members have much more in common. Also, some of these sites are great just for making new friends and talking about your interests.



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