Looking back, I’ve noticed that I’ve written about a dozen or more blogs to shed light on how many men approach dating and mating. For your convenience, these can now be found in the Understanding Men Series.
Have you ever wondered about the dating games men play?
How could he disappear so quickly after he came on so strong? Why hasn’t he called? Was he just into the sex? How could he not see how great we are together? Why doesn’t he make a date? Why did he put his profile back up? Will this man ever commit? What the heck is going on with him? Is it him? Or is it me?
And we’re supposed to be the mysterious ones! Truth is, men are at least as hard to figure out as women. Their behavior can be confusing, frustrating and maddening. They tease us with clever poems, roses, daily texts and calls, only to turn around in the blink of an eye and completely disappear or disappoint us. Who hasn’t fallen for that grand opening dating game, where they lure us with intoxicating conversations, funny dates, a perfect little heart necklace, delicious kisses and more? Let’s talk about the dating games men play.
Fortunately, I’ve logged many therapy hours listening to men as they’ve opened up and explored their deepest needs and fears. Those private moments have given me a unique window into understanding the different types of dating games men play and their underlying motivation for playing. In this blog, I will take you behind the scenes and share those intimacies with you.
Dating Games Men Play: The Good News
The good news is that they, like us, usually really do want true love, and down deep they realize that they’d be happier, more content and more sexually satisfied if they had a good relationship. The bad news is they are also scared, and they push real intimacy or commitment away. Men fear being overwhelmed and taken over in an all-consuming relationship. Believe it or not, they also fear rejection and abandonment. And all these fears play out in a variety of ways. The dating games men play are both unconscious and conscious games which create a maddening push-pull with your heart. That’s why dating them can be so confusing and frustrating.
Guy’s fears of being vulnerable, of being loved and loving, lead them to enact their dating games or patterns. Like us, they have habitual ways of sabotaging themselves when it comes to romance and love. Unfortunately, men often follow these same self-destructive dead-end patterns over and over again, sinking possibilities of love into the netherworld in the process.
Understanding the Games Men Play
Understanding dating patterns of the dating games men play can liberate us from these self-blaming thoughts. Instead we can more easily say – and understand – that, “It is not just about me. It’s about him and his issues.” We can view relationships in a more balanced way, examining more objectively who did what to whom.
In the very beginning of a relationship it may be very hard or even impossible to know for sure if a guy is caught in any one dating game. Many of the dating games men play start out with a perfectly great opening phase. This is another important reason why it is a powerful protective step for you to go on the Dating Program of Three. If you see three guys at the same time and compare and contrast their styles, you will see their dating games more easily. Plus by going slowly and avoiding sex with all of them, you will be able to see each one’s dating game emerge.
Love in 90 Days: A Guide to Understanding
So I want you to pick up a copy of my dating advice book, Love in 90 Days. By the time you finish the chapter on Men’s Dead-End Dating Patterns I hope you have many ‘Aha experiences. You will better understand and be clear about dating games men play. Armed with this knowledge you can quickly get away from guys who are DUDs (Definitely Unworkable Dudes). Or relationships that are truly dead-end or even destructive. You can see clearly when it is time to stay and work on the relationship or when it’s time to cut your losses and go. You can be freer to choose the ones you want, the ones who give you love that is just right for you.
In order to do that, I will arm you with the information you need about men and how to set the stage for commitment or when you need to cut him loose.