Mother’s Day Tips for Moms & Adult Children
Why Mothers & Daughters Grow Apart
In this relationship advice for women Series I wanted to address the key relationship that is the mother-child bond. Mother’s Day is coming up and if there is turmoil or stress in this key relationship, it can interfere with your dating life big time. So here are some Mother’s Day Tips for Moms and Adult Children:
- As children grow through adolescence and into young adulthood, every mom and child goes through a separation or breaking away process.
- Although it can be very stressful at times, it is a part of normal development. The young adult is wired to define herself or himself as different from the parent.
- Sometimes the differences are extreme, for example when the mother is more by the book and rules-oriented, the kid may throw the rule book in her face by acting rebellious. This can cause a great deal of anger and heartbreak.
- Separation from a parent is a necessary requirement for forming your own identity. You can’t do it in the shadow of your mom. But it is a loss that can be traumatic for both sides.
- Here are some Mother’s Day Tips to help you weather the storm and wind up closer than ever:
Mother’s Day Tips for Moms
1. Recognize that the best thing you can do is to let your young adult child go.
Let him or her spend time away to follow their passion. If the child is an adult and wants to move away to pursue a dream, support it.
2. Join in their new lives by sharing their activities.
Not the ones you think they should be doing, but the ones they are doing. Go with them to hear a concert they enjoy or a protest march. This is especially important if you’ve become estranged.
3. If your adult child makes a major life decision that you disagree with, support it anyway. For example, if your single daughter decides to have a child on her own, go with that decision. If you don’t you will risk becoming estranged.
4. If your adult child starts failing, or getting into drugs and other trouble, make sure they are getting help.
Consult a family therapist together. Tell them you love them, but they must stop self-destructive behavior. If your child finds a helpful path that is different than yours, support that process. For example, if your son or daughter leaves your church and gets into drugs you may desperately want him or her to go back to church for help. Instead the child may go to AA to seek spiritual support. Encourage this path of healing by attending Al-Anon meetings on a regular basis.
5. Examine your own behavior.
Are you controlling? Are you overly intrusive? Do you have unresolved issues about separation based on your own experiences with your parents?
Mother’s Day Tips for Adult Children
Give your mom the greatest gift of all—the gift of forgiveness.
Realize what your mom went through growing up and how she did the best she could. Imagine being her as a little girl with all the painful lessons she learned.
Keep in mind your mom’s loving intention.
Underneath her disapproval or anger is her motivation is to protect you from pain.
Touch base with your mom often.
Moving apart and spending less time together is a big loss for your mom. A little bit of texting, emailing, phoning go a long way to soften the loss.
Make a gratitude list about your mom
Make a list of all the lessons learned and the gifts you’ve been given. Being separate doesn’t mean you throw out all of her blessings.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading these mother’s day tips. For more articles on solving your love and relationship issues do subscribe to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter!
As a relationship expert, I've helped thousands of women get the love they want - even when it seemed impossible. I’m Dr. Diana Kirschner. You might know me from my PBS Special, seen me on Oprah, or have read one of my bestselling books.
I want to do everything I can to give you hands-on personalized support that will make a lasting difference.
During your powerful and dynamic one-on-one session, we will help you with your unique relationship or dating situation. You'll walk away inspired, with a clear step-by-step path forward to move through any obstacles and get the love you want.
Here's what women like you are saying:
“My session was an incredible game-changer! I was finally able to see a way forward with my boyfriend and he has proposed!
I’m very grateful!” ~Jenn in New Mexico
“I was fifty-two years old with a career that was enviably successful. But my love life was not. And I couldn't figure out why. As my love mentor, Diana helped me understand that I not only deserved to have but could have a strong, loving life partner who would always be there for me. I found true love in three months!*. And after 4 plus years of marriage, my husband and I still pinch ourselves every day to make sure that it's not a dream!” ~ Midge Woolsey
Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.