Another Chance if He Ghosted and Came Back?
Has a guy ever ghosted you then tried to come back?
If you’ve been actively dating, chances are you’ve had a man disappear and go silent like this… then pop up a few weeks or months down the line. It’s all too common! And it’s frustrating!
First, remember, it isn’t about you. Whether he’s ghosted or disappeared after a few texts or weeks or even months of dating, you cannot go down the tunnel of self-doubt. If anything, it says a whole lot about HIM. Ultimately you want a guy who is able to communicate — who has the guts to say, “I’m sorry, I have too much happening at work right now.” Or, “I just don’t see this working out.” And who respects you enough to be straight with you.
With the advent of dating apps, so many men come on strong then disappear. This is why I encourage women to have what I call a Dating Program of Three. That is, to date three guys casually at once for about 8 weeks — and not commit to exclusivity with any one until he has REALLY stepped up for the long haul. When you’re dating and communicating with other guys, you’re less likely to be hurt when one goes missing!
If someone ghosted you the best thing to do is go… NEXT! The disappearing man is doing you a favor. He’s making space in your life for someone MUCH better.
So what do you do when the disappearing man comes back? What if you’ve really missed him and secretly want to see him again… even though you’re angry? Should you give him another chance?
Video with my advice on if he ghosted
Every once in a while, a good guy screws up and realizes that he missed out on an amazing woman. This is rare — in only about 15% of cases does the disappearing guy turn into the real deal. So how can you suss out whether there’s any potential?
If he ghosted do you give him another chance?
In order for you to give him a 2nd chance, he MUST meet the following criteria…
1. Is he remorseful and apologetic? If the guy just sends you a one word text weeks later — as if nothing happened, he does NOT get a second chance. But, if he is apologetic and remorseful, you may proceed with caution.
2. Is he clear about why he ghosted? If he explains what happened, then you may proceed slowly. If he evades any questions, move on!
3. Does he want to make it up to you? He should be making REAL effort to court you. He should be persistent and be consistent in planning dates. If he drops off at all again, I recommend that you move on.
4. Has he said that he made a mistake? Has he said that he now realizes just how incredible you are?
Remember, in most cases, a guy who ghosted you did you a favor. Your mantra should be: NEXT! I promise, you’ll look back and thank him.
PS–If you are feeling hurt by a guy who ghosted you, I wanted you to know that our dating coaches are experts on helping women rebound from being ghosted. You can move on to a person who is just right for you. And you can have a free session to discuss your unique situation by phone or Skype!
PPS–I am thrilled to be the featured Love Expert on DatingAdvice.com! Check it out!
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.