A Confession: How I Practice Relationship Sabotage
We all Practice Relationship Sabotage
My own tendency is to make everything all about me. Especially when my husband and I argue or misunderstand each other. My worst habit that tended to undermine our love was my own tendency to think from a self-centered universe. And most of my paranoia was a reaction to my traumatic childhood. I was an unwanted little girl, growing up in an alcoholic family. If my husband was distant, I would think, He doesn’t care about me. Or I am invisible. Or, one of my self-sabotaging, gloom and doom favorites: I am just not attractive anymore. My relationship sabotage was rooted in “It’s all about me.”
But when I got my head out of my ego and noticed what was really going on with him, it was a very different story. He really worried about money. Or struggled with getting older or losing his edge. Or worrying about business challenges. It was actually about him! I was shocked.
The whole trick was to get out of my own little box of miserable self-talk so that I could focus on my husband. Soulmate Listening can accomplish that miracle. For me it’s like finally getting out of a crushing pair of Spanx!
How Soulmate Listening Heals Relationship Sabotage
Soulmate Listening deepens in silence. It is in silence, when you are paying full attention to your partner, that you really get him or her. You can see the things you don’t normally see. You can see the new worry lines. Or the new crinkle lines from laughter. You can see how he or she brings you a cup of coffee in such a sweet way. Or look into his or her eyes and feel your partner’s soul. If you are really in stillness, just for an instant or two, you can feel beyond what he or she is saying and doing. And then you can experience the real love and benevolent intentions your partner has for you. And that’s what heals your relationship sabotage.
This week I suggest you try pausing and listening to your partner. Be attentive and receptive to what is really going on. Try for just a minute or two each day to be in a state of Soulmate Listening and receptivity. You will deepen your stillness, your peace and experience the beautiful connection that can be there for you and your partner.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
“Diana Kirschner’s work is life-changing, love-affirming and wonderfully effective.”
~Dr. Christiane Northrup, Internationally bestselling author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.