There are Three Key Beliefs That Could Be Ruining Your Chances at Love.
The last time you were disappointed or hurt in a relationship—maybe after a breakup, or when your boyfriend flirted with another woman, or after your partner had to stay late at the office once again and miss your dinner date—what did you think? These could be beliefs that are ruining your chances at love. Do any of the following sound familiar?
You can’t trust men—they all cheat.
I’m too much for a man to handle.
All men are jerks.
What if these were not truths but simply beliefs that could be ruining your chances at love? Conclusions you reached that just don’t serve you? Stories you created in your own head? Yes, he is (or was) acting strange. But does that really mean that all men are screwed up? That you have some fundamental flaw that makes you unlovable? No! These are nothing more than self-sabotaging beliefs you have made up based on past experiences. They are beliefs that could be ruining your chances at love and keeping you from the relationship you want.
How Your Killer Beliefs Could Be Ruining Your Chances at Love
All love relationships—even great ones—have challenges. As tensions and problems surface, so do your killer beliefs. If you haven’t learned to manage them, all that baggage from the past get dragged into the present and leaves you worried and ill at ease with your current partner, killing off the vitality and joy of your current relationship. You react, pull back, attack, smother, or simply become hopeless. This tension leads to a lack of understanding and emotional distance; it makes it hard, if not impossible, for your partner to see you for who you really are, and consequently for you to see him as he really is—not as your ex.
If you want out of this mind trap, first you need to uncover what killer belief(s) you’re holding on to so you can excavate them from your mind. What beliefs could be ruining your chances at love? Here are three of the common core self-sabotaging beliefs. Read through them to see which ones you most identify with.
There Are No Good Men: This killer belief usually surfaces in two different ways: as a dead-end dating pattern, Not Perfect—I’ll Pass, where every single contender is perceived as having a fatal flaw; or as out-of-control fears of rejection and abandonment that nullify feelings of trust and shut down a woman’s heart.
I Will Never Have Lasting Love Because Something’s Wrong with Me: This relationship-killer belief tends to create fears of being rejected, and it can play out in many different ways. You might be self-deprecating, putting yourself down jokingly to guard against the rejection that you know is coming. You may withhold information about your past or lie about your debt. You may push a man away altogether even though the initial courtship has gone well. Or you might tolerate only so much closeness; if the guy starts showing real interest and commitment, you react by rejecting him for no apparent reason.
True Love Does Not Exist; It’s Just a Deal: This killer belief creates cynicism and hopelessness about true, caring, passionate, and fulfilling love. No matter how kind or caring the guy is toward her, this woman still wonders, What is he after? “Is it just for the sex?” Does he need a trophy woman to look good? Does he need help to get a new job? Loving acts are seen as barter chips to get something in return. If a man feels only that cynicism, he will walk away.
Exercise: Break Free of Beliefs that Could Be Ruining Your Chances at Love
Now that you’ve started to identify your killer belief(s), here’s an exercise to help you begin to manage them. Take some time to journal about the following questions:
1. What sabotaging beliefs have you had about love?
2. What are some real-life examples about how these beliefs have played out in your past relationships?
3. What will happen in your current relationship if you don’t identify and deal with your killer beliefs?
4. If you were your own best friend and Love Mentor, what helpful and loving advice would you give yourself that counters your killer beliefs?
5. What thoughts would you like to have about lasting love?
Ready to Kill the Beliefs that Could Be Ruining Your Chances at Love?
If you’re ready to work through your killer beliefs and create the relationship you desire, contact me for a free session with one of my highly trained expert Love Mentor Dating and Relationship Coaches. This program is so successful, it’s been featured in the New York Times! Go here to claim your free session – spaces are limited.
I am very proud of you for working on this! It takes a great deal of courage to dig deep and face painful thoughts, images, memories, and feelings.