Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW. She is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Association of Social Workers for 23 years. Tamara’s background and training in mental health, certified hypnotherapy, and belief management allows her to employ powerful techniques such as hypnosis, guided meditation, and experiential exercises as a dating coach.  Nationally recognized, she lectures, and facilitates teleconference groups and workshops.  Now here is an interview with Tamara on how to be irresistibly attractive to guys:

Can you be attractive without being a size 4 or over age 35?

Absolutely! I have a wonderful Love Mentee, ‘Sally,’ who is about 50lbs overweight and in her 50’s. Almost every man she meets asks her out, she’s so appealing. In the last year, 4 men have asked her for an exclusive relationship. This is someone who had trouble getting even one date. Now she’s a dating queen!

How did your Love Mentee do that?

She certainly didn’t start off as a man magnet. When she began Love Mentoring®, she had a host of negative self talk about her looks, her weight, her age and even her health issues. She would say things to me like, “I’m too unattractive to men”, “Men want thinner women”, “I’m too old”, “No man wants a woman with a back problem”…….. I explained to her that she was operating from a very negative identity when she had these thoughts. So, the first order of business was to create an identity that was beautiful, fantastic and very alluring to men. In Love Mentoring, we call this the Diamond Self Identity.

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to become irresistibly attractive to men on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Can you talk more about this “Diamond Self Identity?”

Sure, helping people identify and access their Diamond Self is something I am very passionate about. What I’m talking about here is our true identity that we all have, otherwise known as our Higher Self or our True Self – it’s who we really are. We are all born as this Diamond Self being – so alive, passionate, curious, appreciative and compassionate, to name a few. But what happens over the years is that we have these experiences which cause us to believe certain things about ourselves, often times negative beliefs. These negative beliefs then become something that we identify with so much, we believe that THAT is who we really are. For instance, Sally really believed that she was very unattractive and that men wouldn’t be interested in her. She was operating from the identity of “Unattracttive Sally”, which, of course, made her feel terrible – really low. Through her “inner work” with me, she was able to realize that she wasn’t unattractive at all. In fact, I remember her saying, “Wait a minute, there really are some very attractive things about me – my eyes, my smile, my hair!” I knew that she was getting it. So, she replaced her “I am too unattractive to men” thought/belief and switched to “Men find me very attractive.”, which made her feel great! She then crafted her Diamond Self Name.

The Diamond Self Name?

Yes. In Love Mentorng®, we have a wonderful exercise called the Diamond Self Exercise. It helps you to access your True Self. What’s really fun is that you get to give your Diamond Self a name, a really grand name.  Sally’s is ‘Luscious and Alluring Venus.’ Isn’t that great?! Saying that name always makes me smile, as should any Diamond Self Name. So now, she doesn’t leave her home as “Unattractive Sally” any longer. She struts out of her door as Luscious and Alluring Venus (LAV)!!! You can even hear the difference in her voice. LAV has a great energy to her!!

Before, you mentioned “Inner Work”. Can you explain that?

Sure. Inner work is the deep, emotional work. It’s about self love.  If you can imagine that your Diamond Self is a helium balloon. This balloon is light and very floaty, always moving up, up, up. Well, whenever we have a negative belief, a complaint, a resentment, a guilt, etc, it becomes a tiny hole in that balloon. What happens over the years is that the balloon becomes more and more deflated. The Inner Work is patching up those holes, those leaks, so that the balloon can mend and heal and fly up, up, up again – as it was originally intended. I strongly believe that my purpose in life to help mend these leaks for people, so that they can live the life of their dreams. Now, that’s inner work. There’s also something called Outer Work.

Tell us about Outer Work.

Outer Work is all of the stuff we do to look good on the outside, which always us feel better about ourselves in the inside. Sally, for instance, wasn’t wearing makeup, jewelry or updated and trendy clothes. When she went food shopping, she looked frumpy in her sweats and T-shirt. Even at work, she didn’t wear make-up or jewelry. Sally has gorgeous thick long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. I had her go to a salon and get a trendy cut. Now her hair is free, soft and flowy and the whispy bangs frame her face beautifully. She is back to wearing a little mascara and lip gloss and a little jewelry. I had her promise me not to wear the sweats out of her house, and now she walks into the supermarket and dry cleaners in nice jeans or simple dresses. She looks younger, feels younger and, of course, feels so much better about herself. She told me that she used to avoid mirrors. Now when she looks in the mirror, she is pleasantly surprised by how good she looks.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Tamara as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become irresistibly attractive on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Sally has really done some great Inner and Outer Work! Now, how does she actually meet these great guys?

Great question. Every where she goes, she now sees herself as the LAV. She does her Diamond Self Exercise before she walks out the door and reminds herself who she really is. Now that she has accessed her Diamond Self, she operates from that identity in everything that she does. Sally’s amazing. She uses every opportunity to meet men. For instance, Sally does a lot of travel in the U.S. for her job. One day, she was walking into a restaurant and this man was walking in at the same time. Seeing that he was alone, she very brightly said, “Hi, how are you today?!”. The surprised man warmly smiled back and said, “Much better now!” He quickly asked if they could sit together. They had a great meal together, laughing and telling stories of their travels. They have now been dating for 2 months, and I might add he’s very smitten with her, too.

Why do men find women who operate from their Diamond Selves so irresistible?

Who can resist someone who really likes who they are? Not in a conceited way, but really likes their own company. Men can tell right away that she has great energy, really has fun in her life and has so much to offer. Men want to be loved just as much as women do. Who could love them better than someone who loves herself and her life. Also, men are hardwired to help make their partner happy. They are happy when their partner is happy. I hear it all of the time from men, “I just want her to be happy”. Most men feel that way. So, when a men meets a woman who is already happy to be who she is, he can relax and just enjoy her and not feel any pressure to help her become happy.

Thank you, Tamara! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Tamara  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Tamara.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“How To Be Irresistibly Attractive (Without Being Thinner Or Younger)” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, December 20, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How your negative beliefs can make you unattractive -
• How positive beliefs can make you GORGEOUS -
• How to present your best self -
• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your True or Diamond Self -
• How to operate from that Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Tamara, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Tamara, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Tamara on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Today’s blog is written by my friend and colleague, Jim Delpino, MSW. Jim is one of our most gifted and expert Love Mentors™ and who has been in a committed relationship for more than 20 years. The topics of creating self-love and improving belief in self are so crucial that we wanted to share his best strategies for you to use in 2011. Hope you enjoy!

Believe in yourself. Although these are simple words, actually believing in yourself is extremely difficult for many of us to achieve. Even those who appear confident are often covering up or compensating for real or perceived flaws that undermine a belief in the self. That’s why different self-help gurus and therapists have tried to help with this pervasive issue by offering solutions that boost self-confidence or raise self-esteem.

Over my 30 years of practice I’ve studied many different approaches. So I decided to jot down nine of my favorite strategies that have been the most helpful to my clients and me. Many of these techniques can be found in Dr. Diana Kirschner’s new relationship book, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.

1. 1. Use Affirmations: The use of positive affirmations has been shown to be very helpful whether you are young or old, male or female. The use of positive affirmations has been shown to be effective cross-culturally as well. Affirmations are the most effective when they are simple positive statements, for example, “I am capable of overcoming this obstacle.”   “I’ll know what to do in this situation.” They become more effective when repeated five to ten times per day. Consider it a form of reprogramming your inner computer/brain. We are designed in such a way that we begin to believe things that we repeat to ourselves.
2. Use sticky notes: Those little pads of paper with sticky edges are a great tool in improving belief in yourself. Consider posting one on your bathroom mirror that says, “I deserve a good day.”  This is the first thing you will see in the morning and it can set the tempo for a more fruitful day. It is also helpful to use these little notes on the refrigerator and even a place at work where you can see this message and be reminded easily.
3. Write down all of your negative thoughts and feelings: This is a way to build awareness of what negative thoughts are floating around in your mind. Negative thoughts can undermine many otherwise good intentions and efforts in life. After you have written your negative thoughts down, ask yourself, is this a fact or a feeling? If it is a fact it will not change. If it is a feeling, remember that all feelings can be and do change. Next, write down the opposite or positive expression of all the negative thoughts, for example, “I can’t do this” becomes “It just feels like I can’t do this”. Feelings are known to be wrong many times. Make these positive expressions a part of daily affirmations and/or write them down on sticky notes as reminders of where to direct your mind.
4. Try to believe in your ability to grow: Changing a core belief about yourself, other people and the world can vastly change the way you experience life. A positive shift in core beliefs will enrich your experience of life and bring you more joy. This is one of the secrets that happy people use.
5. Develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’: Write down all of the things in life for which you are or could be grateful. Include even the very smallest of positive things. Keep this list handy for those times when you feel overwhelmed, challenged or down. Read the list to yourself as a reminder that the current problems of the day do not take away all of those things for which you are grateful. Many of the things that stress the self are short-lived problems that resolve themselves over time. Practice being grateful for even the smallest positives. Your skill at being grateful will improve over time and with practice.
6. Write down your concerns of the day: When you view each item on the list, ask yourself if this concern will be important six months from now. You will find that many of these concerns are mental clutter and won’t be on your mind in six months from now.
7. Call or write to someone who is having a tougher time in life than you: This helps to take your focus away from your own negative thoughts and feelings and instead puts the focus of yourself outside of you. Just listening to a friend who is suffering is a great and valuable service to render. You may not know what to say or how to help and that is ok. Your friend will not have to be in alone. Just being there with a person who is in pain can be a powerful technique.
8. Try to be as kind, loving and compassionate with yourself as you are with others: It is so common to discover that many, many kind and loving people are actually very hard on themselves. The kindness, forgiveness and patience extended to others are not extended to the self. There is a myth that being hard on yourself will make you a better person. This is simply not true in most cases. Being harsh with yourself will cause damage and erode your own sense of goodness or effectiveness.
9. Surround yourself with positive people: Positive and happy people tend to improve the moods of the people around them. If you spend time with happy people you will find that their moods are attitudes are infectious. You will also learn some of the tricks and techniques they use to increase self-belief and add to the sum total of their joy in life. We can all benefit and learn from each other in this way.

 Thank you, Jim, for sharing these wonderful strategies for creating greater self-love. And to help you on your journey be sure to take advantage of my offer of a FREE 40-minute coaching session from a trained Love Mentor like Jim.  If you are looking to meet the One or working the Love in 90 Days program you REALLY will want talk to one of my incredible Mentors. Each one has a long background in transformational work and is closely supervised by me.  Most importantly, each Mentor is gifted and can help you move forward to the love relationship you really want! The best news is that we can give you an introductory 40 minute one-on-one personalized session by phone or Skype for FREE.   Just click here or go to http://www.lovein90days.com/coaching/ and get your own personal FREE session.

 Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter 

When it comes to dating and love relationships there are certain “love facts” that most everyone believes.  But, surprisingly, if we look at the actual research about these “love facts” we may find that they are not facts at all.  They are fictions, myths.  So separating love fiction from love fact makes you an informed “consumer” when it comes to your dating and love life.

Here are seven of these top urban love legends and what the research actually shows us to be true about them. This is the kind of fresh information you’ll get by subscribing to my FREE weekly Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter. Click Here.

Myth
1.  The divorce rate in the country is 50%

Fact: It’s never been 50%.  It’s actually 41%.  The odds are better than you think.  And a college education decreases the likelihood of divorce.  This is shown by more sophisticated research.
Myth
2.  You have one soul mate and meeting that “One” is the key to finding love.

Fact: Research shows that love and marriage take hard work, including commitment, positive communication, and the ability to resolve fights.  The best relationship advice I can give you is that you need to work on yourself and choose someone, a good friend with chemistry, who’s willing to grow with you. These are the keys to a happy marriage. Sorry, no fairy tale.

Myth
3.  When you are married fighting is an unhealthy thing.
Fact:  Couples who suppress their anger have a mortality rate that is twice as high as those in which one partner stands up for him/herself.  Fighting with your spouse and then resolving differences is a healthy thing.

Myth
4.  Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend gives you a better sense of who your partner is and will make for a stronger marriage down the road.

Fact: In general, couples who have not lived together before marriage have healthier and more successful marriages.  They also have less conflict, less abuse and are less likely to get divorced than couples who live together before marriage. However, a more recent study shows that couples who have committed to be married and live together do have a 28% decreased risk of getting divorced. Also, after age 45 there seems to be no difference in happiness levels between those that are married vs. those that are living together.

Myth
5.  On the online dating websites the majority of men are lying about themselves.

Fact: Independent research shows that the number is only about 20%. Common lies concern income, profession, age, marital status and weight.

Myth
6.  It’s better to wait until you’re more mature and get married in your thirties rather than your twenties.

Fact: People who marry after their mid twenties just as likely to get divorced and surprisingly are much more likely to have a poor quality marriage than those who married earlier. Unless you get married in your early 30s because of educational reasons. Then your chances of a high quality relationship are just as good.

Myth
7. Choosing marriage means more stress and financial drain in your life.

Fact: Hundreds of studies conducted around the world show that happy couples are healthier than singles emotionally and physically and they have more wealth too. Except for the crying babies, diapers and the ongoing lack of sleeplessness that children can bring on :).

You can learn much more about urban legends and the latest research on relationships and dating in my new relationship advice book, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. Order it today and then pick up many wonderful bonus gifts including FREE E-Reports and MP3s.

Wishing you love

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” and Love in 90 Days.”  Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.

Hi!

Self-love & caretaking set the stage for love with a truly great partner. Here is a fabulous guest post on falling in love with yourself from the gifted Barbara Biziou:

A Ritual for Summer: Falling in Love with Yourself

~Begin with a scent that touches your heart.
The scents of oils, herbs, flowers, or spices are used in almost every ritual. Here are some suggestions to use for a love ritual: rose, ylang ylang, jasmine, or anything that touches your heart.

~Become aware of what gifts you have in your life.Take some quiet time alone, and appreciate the beauty of nature, the miracle of the human body, the magic of music, the joy of laughter and friends, the freedom of a bird in flight or the precious smile of a child.

~Imagine that you are planting a garden of appreciation.
With each seed, a plant will grow. The more you appreciate and bless what you have, the more joy and abundance you will have in your life. Celebrate what you do have.

~Remember the feeling of a new love?
Everything looks vibrant and alive, like Technicolor. Practice falling in love with yourself. Bring dancing, laughter and music into your life. Pay attention to the flowers around you. Delight in the colors. Let yourself smile and express joy. The more you practice feeling joyful, the more joy you will experience. Expand your capacity to receive love and joy. Like any new skill, the more you practice, the better you will get at it. So start right now.

~Treat yourself as you would a wonderful lover.
Buy yourself flowers, cook a fabulous meal for yourself and set the table with your best china, compliment yourself and tell yourself how incredible you are.

Barbara’s website is Joy of Ritual and she is doing a weekend retreat for women, which I highly recommend!

A Women’s Retreat to Awaken the Magic and Mystery of the Divine Feminine
We all deserve a period of time when the world is set aside for the wondrous journey back to the source. As busy women we tend to put our needs last. We are so busy doing that we forget to just be. This is an opportunity to focus on your own needs and to connect to the authentic you and to replenish your inner resources so you can be truly present to your own true nature. When we do not honor our own journey, we not only do ourselves a disservice; our loved ones suffer, too. We have nothing left to give.

Details
When: July 24th-26th
Where: Miriam Well, Saugerties, NY
Special Price – JUNE ONLY! $295.00 for workshop.
Beginning July 1st, price goes up to $345.
Food and Lodging additional, price varies depending on your accommodations.

What past participants have said:

“Barbara creates a safe and sacred space to find the magic inside of ourselves. By entering her circle you say “yes” to life’s possibilities.” – Barbara S.

“The women’s retreat is a time to gather and be surrounded by incredible, inspirational women..and to share with like minded souls in a nurturing and safe environment. There is time for healing, introspection, bonding, creating, laughing and taking a journey to further know yourself. I could have belly danced all night!” – Zahra

Click here and scroll down to register.

Wishing you love,
Diana