Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW. She is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Association of Social Workers for 23 years. Tamara’s background and training in mental health, certified hypnotherapy, and belief management allows her to employ powerful techniques such as hypnosis, guided meditation, and experiential exercises as a dating coach.  Nationally recognized, she lectures, and facilitates teleconference groups and workshops.  Now here is an interview with Tamara on how to be irresistibly attractive to guys:

Can you be attractive without being a size 4 or over age 35?

Absolutely! I have a wonderful Love Mentee, ‘Sally,’ who is about 50lbs overweight and in her 50’s. Almost every man she meets asks her out, she’s so appealing. In the last year, 4 men have asked her for an exclusive relationship. This is someone who had trouble getting even one date. Now she’s a dating queen!

How did your Love Mentee do that?

She certainly didn’t start off as a man magnet. When she began Love Mentoring®, she had a host of negative self talk about her looks, her weight, her age and even her health issues. She would say things to me like, “I’m too unattractive to men”, “Men want thinner women”, “I’m too old”, “No man wants a woman with a back problem”…….. I explained to her that she was operating from a very negative identity when she had these thoughts. So, the first order of business was to create an identity that was beautiful, fantastic and very alluring to men. In Love Mentoring, we call this the Diamond Self Identity.

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to become irresistibly attractive to men on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Can you talk more about this “Diamond Self Identity?”

Sure, helping people identify and access their Diamond Self is something I am very passionate about. What I’m talking about here is our true identity that we all have, otherwise known as our Higher Self or our True Self – it’s who we really are. We are all born as this Diamond Self being – so alive, passionate, curious, appreciative and compassionate, to name a few. But what happens over the years is that we have these experiences which cause us to believe certain things about ourselves, often times negative beliefs. These negative beliefs then become something that we identify with so much, we believe that THAT is who we really are. For instance, Sally really believed that she was very unattractive and that men wouldn’t be interested in her. She was operating from the identity of “Unattracttive Sally”, which, of course, made her feel terrible – really low. Through her “inner work” with me, she was able to realize that she wasn’t unattractive at all. In fact, I remember her saying, “Wait a minute, there really are some very attractive things about me – my eyes, my smile, my hair!” I knew that she was getting it. So, she replaced her “I am too unattractive to men” thought/belief and switched to “Men find me very attractive.”, which made her feel great! She then crafted her Diamond Self Name.

The Diamond Self Name?

Yes. In Love Mentorng®, we have a wonderful exercise called the Diamond Self Exercise. It helps you to access your True Self. What’s really fun is that you get to give your Diamond Self a name, a really grand name.  Sally’s is ‘Luscious and Alluring Venus.’ Isn’t that great?! Saying that name always makes me smile, as should any Diamond Self Name. So now, she doesn’t leave her home as “Unattractive Sally” any longer. She struts out of her door as Luscious and Alluring Venus (LAV)!!! You can even hear the difference in her voice. LAV has a great energy to her!!

Before, you mentioned “Inner Work”. Can you explain that?

Sure. Inner work is the deep, emotional work. It’s about self love.  If you can imagine that your Diamond Self is a helium balloon. This balloon is light and very floaty, always moving up, up, up. Well, whenever we have a negative belief, a complaint, a resentment, a guilt, etc, it becomes a tiny hole in that balloon. What happens over the years is that the balloon becomes more and more deflated. The Inner Work is patching up those holes, those leaks, so that the balloon can mend and heal and fly up, up, up again – as it was originally intended. I strongly believe that my purpose in life to help mend these leaks for people, so that they can live the life of their dreams. Now, that’s inner work. There’s also something called Outer Work.

Tell us about Outer Work.

Outer Work is all of the stuff we do to look good on the outside, which always us feel better about ourselves in the inside. Sally, for instance, wasn’t wearing makeup, jewelry or updated and trendy clothes. When she went food shopping, she looked frumpy in her sweats and T-shirt. Even at work, she didn’t wear make-up or jewelry. Sally has gorgeous thick long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. I had her go to a salon and get a trendy cut. Now her hair is free, soft and flowy and the whispy bangs frame her face beautifully. She is back to wearing a little mascara and lip gloss and a little jewelry. I had her promise me not to wear the sweats out of her house, and now she walks into the supermarket and dry cleaners in nice jeans or simple dresses. She looks younger, feels younger and, of course, feels so much better about herself. She told me that she used to avoid mirrors. Now when she looks in the mirror, she is pleasantly surprised by how good she looks.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Tamara as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become irresistibly attractive on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Sally has really done some great Inner and Outer Work! Now, how does she actually meet these great guys?

Great question. Every where she goes, she now sees herself as the LAV. She does her Diamond Self Exercise before she walks out the door and reminds herself who she really is. Now that she has accessed her Diamond Self, she operates from that identity in everything that she does. Sally’s amazing. She uses every opportunity to meet men. For instance, Sally does a lot of travel in the U.S. for her job. One day, she was walking into a restaurant and this man was walking in at the same time. Seeing that he was alone, she very brightly said, “Hi, how are you today?!”. The surprised man warmly smiled back and said, “Much better now!” He quickly asked if they could sit together. They had a great meal together, laughing and telling stories of their travels. They have now been dating for 2 months, and I might add he’s very smitten with her, too.

Why do men find women who operate from their Diamond Selves so irresistible?

Who can resist someone who really likes who they are? Not in a conceited way, but really likes their own company. Men can tell right away that she has great energy, really has fun in her life and has so much to offer. Men want to be loved just as much as women do. Who could love them better than someone who loves herself and her life. Also, men are hardwired to help make their partner happy. They are happy when their partner is happy. I hear it all of the time from men, “I just want her to be happy”. Most men feel that way. So, when a men meets a woman who is already happy to be who she is, he can relax and just enjoy her and not feel any pressure to help her become happy.

Thank you, Tamara! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Tamara  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Tamara.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“How To Be Irresistibly Attractive (Without Being Thinner Or Younger)” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, December 20, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How your negative beliefs can make you unattractive -
• How positive beliefs can make you GORGEOUS -
• How to present your best self -
• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your True or Diamond Self -
• How to operate from that Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Tamara, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Tamara, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Tamara on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating for Over 50s -Advice for Women

This dating for over 50s blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Karen Holland.  Karen is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in working with couples and individuals getting in and out of relationships.  She works with couples to create passionate, fulfilling relationships.  She works with singles to help them heal from broken hearts and  find the relationship of their dreams. Now here’s Karen on dating for over 50s:

I work with lots of 50 plus women looking for love and I’ve come to the conclusion that women of this age, in general, are by far the most interesting, accomplished, and sexy. Once a woman reaches her middle years she often has the self possession it takes to really know what she wants.  She’s lived through a multitude of experiences and is less plagued by the anxieties that consume the minds of younger women.  She may have raised children, been divorced a time or two or, perhaps, has never found love.  But she has learned about herself in the process. In this way, mature women are in the perfect place to find real, lasting love.

News Flash:  Tune into Karen as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of successful dating for over 50s on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on November 22!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Still women, as they age, face certain realities. They may have been out of the dating game for a while. They may not understand these new ways to date. It can all be a little intimidating. They wonder if men only want to be with younger women. They wonder if they have to “put out” and when. Some look at their changing bodies and say “To hell with it; I better just stay home.”  If they’ve been looking for a long time, these sometimes highly successful career women, are burnt out and certainly turned off by men who have either played badly with their hearts over the years or are simply just too boring!

For these mature women whom I love to mentor, I give the following advice in dating for over 50s:

1. Mind the Frump- It is incredibly important to make yourself beautiful in your own eyes. It’s not about competing with younger women. It’s about bringing out what women over 50 undoubtedly have- sex appeal. Really. Update your haircut and your wardrobe. Tone your arms and strengthen those legs (very important anyway to avoid that walker when you’re 80!).  Check out books like Younger Next Year (for Women) by Crowley & Lodge which makes the whole diet, exercise and aging thing incredibly simple (and very funny).  For beauty help, I love Charla Krupp’s books How Not to Look Old and How to Never Look Fat Again.
2. Get online! -  Did you know that the largest group to try online dating is 55 and over?  Everybody’s online these days.  In addition to the big dating sites like Match.com, PlentyofFish.com and eHarmony.com, which offer dating for baby boomers and dating for seniors, check out seniorpeoplemeet.com and silversingles.com as well.
3. Keep those legs crossed (for now) –  Don’t jump into the sack so quickly. Yes, you went through the sexual liberation movement but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep a little mystery and a make a man work harder for you.   And, yes, you do have to worry about STDs and HIV.  In fact, in 2005 15% of all new HIV cases were in people over 50. Additionally, older women are more susceptible to STDs because they can have lowered immune systems, thinning vaginal walls and are much less likely than younger women to bring up the subject of STDs with their potential lover.
4. Play, Play, Play! – As a dear friend of mind says, “Sit loose in the Saddle.”  If you approach dating like a delightful experiment, the world as your playground, it will be so much more fun and you will experience much less burnout.  You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to get out there and not take yourself and dating so seriously. Though, I do want you to take the business of love seriously! For what is life without love?
5. Don’t Do it Alone! -  Read good books, like Dr. Diana’s Love in 90 Days which has a special section for women over 45 and her new book Sealing the Deal to help navigate a relationship with a potential life partner.  Get a Love Mentor ®! Stop trying to do everything on your own (Come on, you know you do!). Finding love can be challenging and it helps to have someone by your side guiding you and cheering you on.

Follow these dating advice and just get yourself out there. I’m pulling for you,

Karen Holland

You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Karen by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Karen.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Karen as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of successful dating for over 50s on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on November 22!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“Finding Love After 50 – Without Being Turned Off Or Burnt Out” -The interview with Love Mentor® Karen Holland

DATE: Tuesday, November 22, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating for over 50s seminar you will discover . . .

• What the “new rules” are now in dating for over 50s
• The myths that keep you single and alone
•  How to spot a good guy when you see him
• Avoid getting burned out and turned off when seeking love and companionship
• The keys to successful dating for over 50s
• The best way to reinvent yourself and emerge as a brand new dating you
• And much, much more  . . .

Please interact with us live during the dating for over 50s show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Karen for your wise words and dating for over 50s advice. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Karen, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Karen on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Your most pressing questions about love answered…your love dreams come true… We hereby invite you to personally experience Love Mentoring® through our newest endeavor – Free Love Mentoring® Seminars.

Listen at your leisure to :  “How To Be Happy for No Reason – (and Get The Love You Want!)”  With Love Mentor® Lindsey Halpern Givens

Learn:

     – The single biggest mistake you make that sabotages your own happiness

     –  The best step you can take right now to change your life.

    –  How love contributes to your overall happiness.

     – How to create joy.                                                                                             

- And much, much more.

Click below to listen now (it takes a few seconds to load!):

For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Get your own 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Lindsey:
http://www.lovein90days.com/coaching

We look forward to having you join us!

Dr. Diana

Dating Tips & Relationship Advice

Relationship & Dating Advice for Women Blog Series

This relationship advice blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors® Lindsey Halpern-Givens. Lindsey is  a Board Certified Chaplain with the Association of Professional Chaplains and a member of the American Counseling Association, as well as being a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the State of Illinois.  She is  also in a long term happy marriage!

1. What is the single most important thing you personally do to be happy?
I work on remembering that I’m writing the story of my life. I am the author and get to give voice and action to my story. It’s sort of like the screenwriter who writes a movie. I might not like the way the story is going but  can see where I’ve made choices that are not always the best, choices that have not  helped me to be in a good  relationship. In that case I can do a ‘rewrite.’ I am responsible for my actions. I can choose!

2. What is a simple step our readers can take to create change in their lives?

Start small. When you try to go on a diet you can’t lose 50 pounds overnight! Choose to make one small change and then stick with it. Think about it before you begin. For example- if you want to give up cookies, you’d clear them out of your house before you began to make that change.  Then you can feel that first victory.  Starting small and finding success is a great way to build confidence and make more and bigger changes.

3. Can anyone really be happy?

I think happiness is fleeting, but a sense of joy that lives within us — I believe that is lasting! It comes when we meet challenges, when we work with others to create something larger than what we could do on our own. When we pet an animal or spend time with a friend.  When we get or give help for something.  When we find our soul mate there is a sense that we are connected to something larger than ourselves.  Which brings happiness and lasting joy.

4. Does love really make us happy?

Love creates a sense of being joyfully connected to that spark of the divine in us. When we make such a strong connection to another person we see that divine spark in our partner too. It helps us  feel fully alive.

5. What is it about mentoring® that helps a woman?

Knowing that she doesn’t have to be alone in navigating the dating world and that she has help in figuring out how to communicate with a man is very empowering. A Love Mentor is different than a friend. A Mentor has training and holds you accountable in a way that friends and family do not.   It’s  a different kind of support. We all need our friends and family, but would you call a friend who knows nothing about roofing to fix your leaky roof? Love Mentors™ are trained to assist and support women (and men) who just need a bit of encouragement and help to find their partner. My clients tell me that working with me is an great investment they make in themselves and their future.  It makes me so joyful when they find the dating and relationship success they long for!

6. What’s one mistake that you wish women wouldn’t make?

Many of my clients have the mistaken belief that they must control their partner or date  so that he is the way THEY think he should be. This keeps them from knowing who he is and appreciating the relationship. It also keeps women from living a real life and instead stuck in a fantasy that creates drama and conflict. I think women do this because they think that controlling or guiding a relationship will avoid conflict. It actually does the opposite. Solving problems brings love partners closer together. It moves their relationship forward and allows for deeper communication!

7. How do you help women get out of bad relationships?

Ending a relationship is difficult for women in particular. We tend to be ‘nice’ and we don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. So we are often unprepared for the variety of feelings we experience in the process. It is OK to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, anger, fear, and pain associated with an ending. Denying those feelings or keeping them inside will only prolong them. Recognize that guilt, self-blame, and bargaining are defenses we use against feeling out of control. But there are some endings we can’t control because we can’t control another person’s behavior or their feelings. All we can do is be responsible for our own.

♥News Flash!  Join us live for a Free Love Mentoring® Seminar on  “How To Be Happy for No Reason – (and Get The Love You Want!)”  With Love Mentor® Lindsey Halpern Givens

DATE: Tuesday, October 18^th, 2011
TIME: 5:00pm pacific/8:00pm eastern for one hour
COST: No charge
JOIN US LIVE BY: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-

Click Here For Details – http://tobtr.com/s/2400165

Thank you, Lindsey for your wise words and great relationship advice. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session with Lindsey, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Today’s relationship tip  blog is written by one of our expert Love Mentors®, Karen Holland. Karen is also a licensed marriage and family therapist and is well-known in the Denver area. In the first half of this two-part essay she showed how communication is like plumbing and wiring in our homes; we take it for granted until it goes bad. In this blog, Karen shares ten relationship  tips for how to communicate about a touchy subject (without triggering a fight!)

Ten Relationship Tips for Talking About a Touchy Subject

1. Soften Your Start Up! –  If you go on the attack (or you start with a manipulative comment to get a certain outcome), you will get met with resistance or defensiveness.  And wind up mired in conflict.  Examples of how to soften start up:

“Honey, something’s been bothering me. Can we talk for a moment?”

“I know when we’ve talked about this in the past it hasn’t gone well, but I’d like it to be different this time.”

“Hey, is now a good time to bring something up? I’ve been bothered about something and just thought we should clear the air.”

2.      Use non-verbal gestures to keep the connection while you talk.  Lightly touch knees, hug, hold hands, offer a glass of water, help each other if in the middle of a task, etc.  This can be really soothing to someone who gets anxious when there’s tension between you.  Also, it might be better to talk side by side rather than face to face.

3. Try making a repair in the middle of the conversation if you see the conversation is not going in the right direction.  Repairs might be something like:

- “Oh! I didn’t mean to say it that way, can I start again?”

- “Wow, I really messed that up right now. I’m really sorry.” 

- “I don’t like how this is going. I’m afraid we’re going to start yelling like we always do.   -  Can we start over more calmly?”

- Humor or gentle teasing (especially poking fun at yourself) is a great way to ease tension.

4. Shift complaints into requests.  Instead of, “I hate it when you don’t wipe down the stove when cleaning up the kitchen” say, “Hon, will you wipe down the stove? I’d appreciate it.”

5. Don’t criticize, say something that manipulates their fears/feelings of shame or intentionally trigger them.  For example, don’t say, “Why do you always….” Or “You never…” or “God, you’re so….” If you do, try making an immediate repair.

6.  Don’t resist when your partner is sharing a concern or complaint.  If you resist, it persists!! You won’t allow your partner to get over his/her frustration or feel heard if you keep resisting what s/he is saying (by being defensive, criticizing in return, withdrawing from the conversation, etc.).  You don’t have to agree with them, but it goes a long way to validate what they’re saying. Examples of ways to validate and not resist:

 “Okay, I can see what you mean…”

“Okay, I really got what you said and how you feel about that… You feel this…”

“I know, I see your point…”

“Yes, I know, I do that sometimes”

“It must be hard feeling that way…”

7. Listen more than you talk. If you find yourselves feeling like you’re on two different planets when you talk, it’s probably because you’re not really listening to each other.  You may be lost in your own head or planning what you want to say next.  Remember, PRESENCE is what is most needed for good communication.

8. Learn to ask directly for what you want and need.  Stop wishing s/he would just “get it” and start asking for what you want to have happen.  Say things like, “I want you to hug me right now.”; “I would like you to tell me you appreciate how hard I work.”; “I want you to start planning more dates.” This one relationship tip can make a lot of great things happen in your love relationship!

9. Remember this is the person you fell in love with and your goal is to stay close and be happy. This means staying in line with your personal values when you communicate.

10. Don’t talk when you’re moderately to extremely upset or angry.  This is a critical relationship tip!  While it’s completely normal and healthy to get upset with each other, it does no good to talk about your issues when you’re too upset to talk well.  Signs up being too upset to talk:

-Racing pulse

-Flushed cheeks

-Tight chest, jaw, fists or arms

-Eyesight narrowing

-Stomach churning

- Crying uncontrollably

-Yelling or feeling like you want to scream, throw, hit

- Being lost in thoughts, past arguments or rehearsing your point of view over and over.

Top Relationship Tip Exercise*:

Practice Making Requests and No Resistance

1. Write down a common complaint (take it easy) and practice sharing it with your partner.  Pick an A and a B.
2. A – Start with sharing your feelings about it and then make a request. Remember to be soft, don’t attack, blame or criticize.
3. B – Validate and don’t resist what s/he is saying (remember, say things like “I see what you mean” or “Yes, I know I do that…”
4. Switch

*The point of this exercise is not to resolve issues but to share and learn that you can listen without resistance and bring up concerns without going on the attack.

Thank you, Karen, for your wise words and great relationship tips. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session with a seasoned pro like Karen, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter.