Dating Advice for Women Series

Today is the first day of the  Chinese Year of the Dragon— A year of good fortune and a great time to take action and make your dreams come true.  Most auspicious!  A fantastic time to make simple changes that lead to big and wonderful life transformations.

So I wanted to share this inspirational email that Joanne, a woman who was in our Love Mentoring program, wrote to her Mentor:

“I’m writing to share my GREAT news with you! Mike and I GOT ENGAGED last Tuesday night in Walt Disney World (my happiest place on Earth, next to wherever I am with him!). He chartered a private yacht and while the Wishes fireworks were going over Cinderella’s castle, he proposed to me in such a romantic way. It was everything I could have ever dreamed! We are planning a June wedding. We also just purchased a townhome and are moving in soon.

This past Thursday was one year since we met for coffee. And he wanted me to make sure I told you that it was one of the photos I wore red (remember you told me this was a good color to wear?) and had professionally done, that made him contact me! I had told him about Love Mentoring and remember well our great phone sessions. I wanted to make sure I told you and to of course, thank you so much! Please do pass this along to Dr. Diana.”

The interesting thing about Joanne’s email is it shows how a simple change can make all the difference in your life!  Research shows that men rate women who wear red as more attractive.   And also, they are drawn to women who show an hourglass figure.  So Joanne’s Love Mentor asked her to wear a red scoop top in her online dating photos.  He also asked her to have them professionally done (but not so they looked posed.)

Just taking your time to create a really good online dating photo like Joanne did is a very powerful thing to do.  I know, I know, it seems like it requires too much time and energy, and maybe like it is a pain in your you-know-what to get new photos.  And you may feel like you ALWAYS look lousy in them.  (But, believe me, everyone, and I mean everyone can get at least one good photo!!!).  Get yourself a good red top or dress with a scoop neck that shows some décolletage.  Then either have a friend who is a good photographer take at least 100 shots of you, or go to a professional photographer and have some casual shots taken.  Make sure to wear some makeup, smile warmly and make eye contact with the camera (research shows that women who do that are rated as more attractive by men).

Just take a little time and do it and see what a difference it makes in the number and quality of guys you are meeting online.  You will be very pleasantly surprised.  This year of the Dragon may turn out to be one of the best years of your life.

And if you would like to have a free 40 minute coaching session by phone or Skype with your very own Love Mentor, where you can talk about improving your online photo or anything else that is urgent in your love life, just click here and fill out the form.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Are you in a rocky relationship?  Feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your situation?  Whether you have been dating two months or married 10 years, things can go south all too easily in a couple.  Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever.  Can I turn it all around, you wonder?  Is it even possible now?

Well I have great news for you.  It is possible.  If you have the courage to go for it.  All you need is to follow my three simple steps and you can become super happy with your partner.  Here is the three-step secret sauce, adapted from my new paperback, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

1.   Identify what I call your Relationship-Killer Beliefs.  These are beliefs like, “All men are jerks,” which kick in when you are in love that cause you to go on emotional rants in your mind instead of dealing with what is actually happening. Let’s look at a Relationship-Killer belief in action described in an email that Joanne, one of my readers recently sent me:

Dear Dr. Diana,

Sealing the Deal just saved my relationship. I was ready to break up with my boyfriend of 10 months because he was recently divorced and not meeting my emotional needs. I was out of town for the holidays and contemplating if this would be the last time we would be together. When I got to his house he had a big smile on his face and was so loving… but that wasn’t good enough for me. I had to punish him for all the times he wasn’t loving so I was standoffish.

  While sitting next to him watching the football game, I began reading your book, Sealing the Deal. I had already read Love in 90 Days. I read for several hours while completely ignoring his love and advances, something I’m always complaining that he doesn’t give me enough of. I finally got to the killer beliefs.  I had killer belief #5 “This is not exactly right.” and #6 “Relationships mean that one person has to give him- or her-self up”. But what really hit home was the research that unhappy couples discount their mate’s actions because they don’t think they have good intentions. BINGO! That has been me all the way. I want my boyfriend to behave a certain way and when he does, instead of encouraging him and being happy, I punish him because he wasn’t doing it all along! I am so thankful that he has loved me enough to not throw me out on my butt.  The first light bulb just came on! Because of all my killer beliefs in action we went to bed with a little tension between us. I kept laying there thinking, Joanne, you are so blowing it here. I also kept thinking negatively about my boyfriend lying right next to me and all he doesn’t do.  

2. After you have identified your Killer Beliefs, like Joanne did, journal about them and compare them to what is truly going on in your relationship. Let’s continue with her breakthrough story.

I got up about 3 a.m. because I couldn’t sleep because of a sudden head cold. I took your book into the kitchen with me and read it while getting some cold medicine. I wrote down my Killer beliefs and then made out a long list of all the great loving things my boyfriend had done.  I felt freed of an enormous burden.

 3. Create what I call a Love Intention, which is a one statement affirmation about the kind of super happy relationship you would like to create. If it feels right, also help create one for your partner. Let’s see how Joanne did it:

Then I got to the part about creating a Love Intention and focusing on what you “want” instead of what you don’t have. I created the love intention, “Jon and I have an exciting, fulfilling, growing, passionate, and nurturing relationship.” I kept meditating on this. When I got a negative thought about my boyfriend, I pushed it aside and mentally repeated the intention. Then I decided to make one for my boyfriend who is always trying to explain to me that he loves me but he needs his man time. I went back to bed.

 When we woke up I told him about my love intention and that anytime I had a negative thought about him or our relationship that I am going to meditate on my intention instead of what I don’t have. Then I told him that I created one for him to which he quickly replied, “You can’t do that.” But then I said,” Just hear it. I told him that the the love intention I created for him was, “Joanne and I have a growing relationship that is balanced with the perfect amount of togetherness and independence.” He loved it! He only wanted to add one thing. He said put “happy” in there so that it would read “a growing and happy relationship.” He kept saying it over and over until he memorized it. Then he said, “That really empowers me.”

 The rest of the morning was beautiful. We talked in bed. He made me breakfast. I put on cute clothes, fixed my hair, and put on a little makeup (something he likes). He told me I was so sexy. He was so attentive and loving (what I want). He asked me if I wanted to workout with him at my gym tomorrow (he’s hasn’t asked me that in 4 months).  When I was leaving he gave me a big hug and told me he’d call me later to see if I needed anything for my cold. Diana…. everything I wanted just materialized by making a shift in my thinking which came from following your book. I now realize that my man isn’t the problem, I am the problem! Over analyzing, being negative, and pushing him away.  I am so thankful to your book and that I picked it up and started reading it at just the right time. If not, I would have let this good man go.

So there you have it.   Use these three simple steps, Identifying your Relationship-Killer Beliefs; Journaling about them and what is happening in your relationship; and creating a Love Intention for you (and possibly your partner).  Then go ahead and enjoy your super happy love!

For more on Relationship-Killer beliefs, how to go from casual to committed, and how to move from love problems to solutions that deepen any love relationship (even after cheating), pick up a copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.  It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating for Over 50s -Advice for Women

This dating for over 50s blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Karen Holland.  Karen is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in working with couples and individuals getting in and out of relationships.  She works with couples to create passionate, fulfilling relationships.  She works with singles to help them heal from broken hearts and  find the relationship of their dreams. Now here’s Karen on dating for over 50s:

I work with lots of 50 plus women looking for love and I’ve come to the conclusion that women of this age, in general, are by far the most interesting, accomplished, and sexy. Once a woman reaches her middle years she often has the self possession it takes to really know what she wants.  She’s lived through a multitude of experiences and is less plagued by the anxieties that consume the minds of younger women.  She may have raised children, been divorced a time or two or, perhaps, has never found love.  But she has learned about herself in the process. In this way, mature women are in the perfect place to find real, lasting love.

News Flash:  Tune into Karen as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of successful dating for over 50s on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on November 22!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Still women, as they age, face certain realities. They may have been out of the dating game for a while. They may not understand these new ways to date. It can all be a little intimidating. They wonder if men only want to be with younger women. They wonder if they have to “put out” and when. Some look at their changing bodies and say “To hell with it; I better just stay home.”  If they’ve been looking for a long time, these sometimes highly successful career women, are burnt out and certainly turned off by men who have either played badly with their hearts over the years or are simply just too boring!

For these mature women whom I love to mentor, I give the following advice in dating for over 50s:

1. Mind the Frump- It is incredibly important to make yourself beautiful in your own eyes. It’s not about competing with younger women. It’s about bringing out what women over 50 undoubtedly have- sex appeal. Really. Update your haircut and your wardrobe. Tone your arms and strengthen those legs (very important anyway to avoid that walker when you’re 80!).  Check out books like Younger Next Year (for Women) by Crowley & Lodge which makes the whole diet, exercise and aging thing incredibly simple (and very funny).  For beauty help, I love Charla Krupp’s books How Not to Look Old and How to Never Look Fat Again.
2. Get online! -  Did you know that the largest group to try online dating is 55 and over?  Everybody’s online these days.  In addition to the big dating sites like Match.com, PlentyofFish.com and eHarmony.com, which offer dating for baby boomers and dating for seniors, check out seniorpeoplemeet.com and silversingles.com as well.
3. Keep those legs crossed (for now) –  Don’t jump into the sack so quickly. Yes, you went through the sexual liberation movement but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep a little mystery and a make a man work harder for you.   And, yes, you do have to worry about STDs and HIV.  In fact, in 2005 15% of all new HIV cases were in people over 50. Additionally, older women are more susceptible to STDs because they can have lowered immune systems, thinning vaginal walls and are much less likely than younger women to bring up the subject of STDs with their potential lover.
4. Play, Play, Play! – As a dear friend of mind says, “Sit loose in the Saddle.”  If you approach dating like a delightful experiment, the world as your playground, it will be so much more fun and you will experience much less burnout.  You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to get out there and not take yourself and dating so seriously. Though, I do want you to take the business of love seriously! For what is life without love?
5. Don’t Do it Alone! -  Read good books, like Dr. Diana’s Love in 90 Days which has a special section for women over 45 and her new book Sealing the Deal to help navigate a relationship with a potential life partner.  Get a Love Mentor ®! Stop trying to do everything on your own (Come on, you know you do!). Finding love can be challenging and it helps to have someone by your side guiding you and cheering you on.

Follow these dating advice and just get yourself out there. I’m pulling for you,

Karen Holland

You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Karen by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Karen.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Karen as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of successful dating for over 50s on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on November 22!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“Finding Love After 50 – Without Being Turned Off Or Burnt Out” -The interview with Love Mentor® Karen Holland

DATE: Tuesday, November 22, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating for over 50s seminar you will discover . . .

• What the “new rules” are now in dating for over 50s
• The myths that keep you single and alone
•  How to spot a good guy when you see him
• Avoid getting burned out and turned off when seeking love and companionship
• The keys to successful dating for over 50s
• The best way to reinvent yourself and emerge as a brand new dating you
• And much, much more  . . .

Please interact with us live during the dating for over 50s show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Karen for your wise words and dating for over 50s advice. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Karen, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Karen on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Cornell artificial intelligence scientists hooked up ‘male’ & ‘female’ real deal robotic computers called chatbots  so that they could talk to each other.  And what did they get?  An argument of course!  Here is the vid–it is hysterically funny!! After you’re done, scroll down and watch my relationship coaching session for them.

And now, here is my relationship coaching session for these two Chatbots!

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Summer’s fading away can lead to a dip in your mood.  When it turns cloudy and the air is cooler it may be a bit of a let down when you realize that winter and the holidays are just ahead.   But there is also good news when the weather turns. And I don’t just mean the amazing foliage, crunchy apples and fresh pumpkin pie.  In my experience, it’s easier to find love in the Fall!  There are three reasons for this. First, singles, like all of us, raised in the rhythm of a school calendar, are conditioned to buy new wardrobes and give themselves a mini-makeover in the fall—so they feel more attractive and ready to go for it.  Second, for around the first 20 years of our lives, including preschool and college, we are encouraged by our families to socialize in autumn as we enter a new grade with new peers. This form of conditioning tends to shape our behavior even when formal schooling ends.

Finally, the fall is a signal that the holidays are coming up and nothing can be more depressing than facing another round of holidays alone. This realization mobilizes singles to roll up their sleeves and work more proactively on their dating, so there’s more love to go around. In fact, two studies have shown that dating in the fall can lead to increased romantic involvements later in the year.

Fall also provides an influx of new students for graduate school and college dating. Being in a new dorm or school often creates loneliness and social anxiety and increases the need to form a love attachment in order to feel secure. But for you students going back to school, and especially those leaving home for college, don’t commit the single biggest mistake singles make: hooking up and coupling too soon. Play the field and don’t get boxed into a committed relationship before you have a chance to learn more about yourself.

So, no matter what your age, Fall is a great time to network. The secret to falling back to real love is to take advantage of all the new connections by networking and meeting as many people as possible. My Dating Program of Three is a powerful strategy that has you date three people casually with no sex and is your ticket to a real relationship. Meet as many people as possible: use the Autumn dating advantage!

You can learn much more about this topic and how to create love that is just right for you in my best-selling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.