Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW. She is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Association of Social Workers for 23 years. Tamara’s background and training in mental health, certified hypnotherapy, and belief management allows her to employ powerful techniques such as hypnosis, guided meditation, and experiential exercises as a dating coach.  Nationally recognized, she lectures, and facilitates teleconference groups and workshops.  Now here is an interview with Tamara on how to be irresistibly attractive to guys:

Can you be attractive without being a size 4 or over age 35?

Absolutely! I have a wonderful Love Mentee, ‘Sally,’ who is about 50lbs overweight and in her 50’s. Almost every man she meets asks her out, she’s so appealing. In the last year, 4 men have asked her for an exclusive relationship. This is someone who had trouble getting even one date. Now she’s a dating queen!

How did your Love Mentee do that?

She certainly didn’t start off as a man magnet. When she began Love Mentoring®, she had a host of negative self talk about her looks, her weight, her age and even her health issues. She would say things to me like, “I’m too unattractive to men”, “Men want thinner women”, “I’m too old”, “No man wants a woman with a back problem”…….. I explained to her that she was operating from a very negative identity when she had these thoughts. So, the first order of business was to create an identity that was beautiful, fantastic and very alluring to men. In Love Mentoring, we call this the Diamond Self Identity.

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to become irresistibly attractive to men on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Can you talk more about this “Diamond Self Identity?”

Sure, helping people identify and access their Diamond Self is something I am very passionate about. What I’m talking about here is our true identity that we all have, otherwise known as our Higher Self or our True Self – it’s who we really are. We are all born as this Diamond Self being – so alive, passionate, curious, appreciative and compassionate, to name a few. But what happens over the years is that we have these experiences which cause us to believe certain things about ourselves, often times negative beliefs. These negative beliefs then become something that we identify with so much, we believe that THAT is who we really are. For instance, Sally really believed that she was very unattractive and that men wouldn’t be interested in her. She was operating from the identity of “Unattracttive Sally”, which, of course, made her feel terrible – really low. Through her “inner work” with me, she was able to realize that she wasn’t unattractive at all. In fact, I remember her saying, “Wait a minute, there really are some very attractive things about me – my eyes, my smile, my hair!” I knew that she was getting it. So, she replaced her “I am too unattractive to men” thought/belief and switched to “Men find me very attractive.”, which made her feel great! She then crafted her Diamond Self Name.

The Diamond Self Name?

Yes. In Love Mentorng®, we have a wonderful exercise called the Diamond Self Exercise. It helps you to access your True Self. What’s really fun is that you get to give your Diamond Self a name, a really grand name.  Sally’s is ‘Luscious and Alluring Venus.’ Isn’t that great?! Saying that name always makes me smile, as should any Diamond Self Name. So now, she doesn’t leave her home as “Unattractive Sally” any longer. She struts out of her door as Luscious and Alluring Venus (LAV)!!! You can even hear the difference in her voice. LAV has a great energy to her!!

Before, you mentioned “Inner Work”. Can you explain that?

Sure. Inner work is the deep, emotional work. It’s about self love.  If you can imagine that your Diamond Self is a helium balloon. This balloon is light and very floaty, always moving up, up, up. Well, whenever we have a negative belief, a complaint, a resentment, a guilt, etc, it becomes a tiny hole in that balloon. What happens over the years is that the balloon becomes more and more deflated. The Inner Work is patching up those holes, those leaks, so that the balloon can mend and heal and fly up, up, up again – as it was originally intended. I strongly believe that my purpose in life to help mend these leaks for people, so that they can live the life of their dreams. Now, that’s inner work. There’s also something called Outer Work.

Tell us about Outer Work.

Outer Work is all of the stuff we do to look good on the outside, which always us feel better about ourselves in the inside. Sally, for instance, wasn’t wearing makeup, jewelry or updated and trendy clothes. When she went food shopping, she looked frumpy in her sweats and T-shirt. Even at work, she didn’t wear make-up or jewelry. Sally has gorgeous thick long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. I had her go to a salon and get a trendy cut. Now her hair is free, soft and flowy and the whispy bangs frame her face beautifully. She is back to wearing a little mascara and lip gloss and a little jewelry. I had her promise me not to wear the sweats out of her house, and now she walks into the supermarket and dry cleaners in nice jeans or simple dresses. She looks younger, feels younger and, of course, feels so much better about herself. She told me that she used to avoid mirrors. Now when she looks in the mirror, she is pleasantly surprised by how good she looks.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Tamara as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become irresistibly attractive on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Sally has really done some great Inner and Outer Work! Now, how does she actually meet these great guys?

Great question. Every where she goes, she now sees herself as the LAV. She does her Diamond Self Exercise before she walks out the door and reminds herself who she really is. Now that she has accessed her Diamond Self, she operates from that identity in everything that she does. Sally’s amazing. She uses every opportunity to meet men. For instance, Sally does a lot of travel in the U.S. for her job. One day, she was walking into a restaurant and this man was walking in at the same time. Seeing that he was alone, she very brightly said, “Hi, how are you today?!”. The surprised man warmly smiled back and said, “Much better now!” He quickly asked if they could sit together. They had a great meal together, laughing and telling stories of their travels. They have now been dating for 2 months, and I might add he’s very smitten with her, too.

Why do men find women who operate from their Diamond Selves so irresistible?

Who can resist someone who really likes who they are? Not in a conceited way, but really likes their own company. Men can tell right away that she has great energy, really has fun in her life and has so much to offer. Men want to be loved just as much as women do. Who could love them better than someone who loves herself and her life. Also, men are hardwired to help make their partner happy. They are happy when their partner is happy. I hear it all of the time from men, “I just want her to be happy”. Most men feel that way. So, when a men meets a woman who is already happy to be who she is, he can relax and just enjoy her and not feel any pressure to help her become happy.

Thank you, Tamara! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Tamara  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Tamara.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“How To Be Irresistibly Attractive (Without Being Thinner Or Younger)” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, December 20, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How your negative beliefs can make you unattractive -
• How positive beliefs can make you GORGEOUS -
• How to present your best self -
• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your True or Diamond Self -
• How to operate from that Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Tamara, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Tamara, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Tamara on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Relationship & Dating Advice for Women Blog Series

This relationship advice blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors® Lindsey Halpern-Givens. Lindsey is  a Board Certified Chaplain with the Association of Professional Chaplains and a member of the American Counseling Association, as well as being a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the State of Illinois.  She is  also in a long term happy marriage!

1. What is the single most important thing you personally do to be happy?
I work on remembering that I’m writing the story of my life. I am the author and get to give voice and action to my story. It’s sort of like the screenwriter who writes a movie. I might not like the way the story is going but  can see where I’ve made choices that are not always the best, choices that have not  helped me to be in a good  relationship. In that case I can do a ‘rewrite.’ I am responsible for my actions. I can choose!

2. What is a simple step our readers can take to create change in their lives?

Start small. When you try to go on a diet you can’t lose 50 pounds overnight! Choose to make one small change and then stick with it. Think about it before you begin. For example- if you want to give up cookies, you’d clear them out of your house before you began to make that change.  Then you can feel that first victory.  Starting small and finding success is a great way to build confidence and make more and bigger changes.

3. Can anyone really be happy?

I think happiness is fleeting, but a sense of joy that lives within us — I believe that is lasting! It comes when we meet challenges, when we work with others to create something larger than what we could do on our own. When we pet an animal or spend time with a friend.  When we get or give help for something.  When we find our soul mate there is a sense that we are connected to something larger than ourselves.  Which brings happiness and lasting joy.

4. Does love really make us happy?

Love creates a sense of being joyfully connected to that spark of the divine in us. When we make such a strong connection to another person we see that divine spark in our partner too. It helps us  feel fully alive.

5. What is it about mentoring® that helps a woman?

Knowing that she doesn’t have to be alone in navigating the dating world and that she has help in figuring out how to communicate with a man is very empowering. A Love Mentor is different than a friend. A Mentor has training and holds you accountable in a way that friends and family do not.   It’s  a different kind of support. We all need our friends and family, but would you call a friend who knows nothing about roofing to fix your leaky roof? Love Mentors™ are trained to assist and support women (and men) who just need a bit of encouragement and help to find their partner. My clients tell me that working with me is an great investment they make in themselves and their future.  It makes me so joyful when they find the dating and relationship success they long for!

6. What’s one mistake that you wish women wouldn’t make?

Many of my clients have the mistaken belief that they must control their partner or date  so that he is the way THEY think he should be. This keeps them from knowing who he is and appreciating the relationship. It also keeps women from living a real life and instead stuck in a fantasy that creates drama and conflict. I think women do this because they think that controlling or guiding a relationship will avoid conflict. It actually does the opposite. Solving problems brings love partners closer together. It moves their relationship forward and allows for deeper communication!

7. How do you help women get out of bad relationships?

Ending a relationship is difficult for women in particular. We tend to be ‘nice’ and we don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. So we are often unprepared for the variety of feelings we experience in the process. It is OK to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, anger, fear, and pain associated with an ending. Denying those feelings or keeping them inside will only prolong them. Recognize that guilt, self-blame, and bargaining are defenses we use against feeling out of control. But there are some endings we can’t control because we can’t control another person’s behavior or their feelings. All we can do is be responsible for our own.

♥News Flash!  Join us live for a Free Love Mentoring® Seminar on  “How To Be Happy for No Reason – (and Get The Love You Want!)”  With Love Mentor® Lindsey Halpern Givens

DATE: Tuesday, October 18^th, 2011
TIME: 5:00pm pacific/8:00pm eastern for one hour
COST: No charge
JOIN US LIVE BY: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-

Click Here For Details – http://tobtr.com/s/2400165

Thank you, Lindsey for your wise words and great relationship advice. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session with Lindsey, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice from a True Pro!

As most of you know I have an awesome team of expert Love Mentors™ who have used my principles to get or stay happily married. They are truly gifted in helping women find dating success and lasting love. All the Mentors™ have a minimum of a Masters in a mental health discipline, long backgrounds in transformational work and are trained and closely supervised by me. One of my top mentors is Tamara Green, who has helped virtually all her mentees have dating breakthroughs  and  love (if they follow her advice!). Tamara has been happily married for years, has an MSW and training in couples therapy, hypnotherapy and belief management. Plus, she has gone through our intensive training in Love in 90 Days and Sealing the Deal principles to help women and men find dating success with wonderful partners and create the love  relationships of their dreams.

Recently Tamara was interviewed by Deborah Dachinger, on her popular “Dare to Dream” radio program. This is a great show that gives people hope as it helps them move their dreams and goals forward by offering solid guidance and examples. The show’s message is don’t just Dare to Dream — dare to make those dreams a reality.

Download the inspirational dating and relationship advice interview Debbi did with Tamara
(up to 1 minute to download depending on your connection speed):
Finding True Love by Love Mentor Tamara Green

“Dare to Dream” airs Wednesday through Sunday, worldwide, on www.925KYHY.com from 92.5 FM “The Why” KYHY in Burbank, California. Visit Debbi Dachinger’s site at : http://www.deborahdachinger.com

Wishing you dating success and great  love,

Dr. Diana

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Dating and Relationship Advice from my Heart to Yours

One of my savvy readers sent in the following dating story from the front lines. Kudo’s to her! Read on–it is hysterical!!

Dating Advice Story: My Fling with Don Draper

When I first read about the Flame Out concept, from Love in 90 Days, I thought Dr. Diana was describing the begining of every dating relationship I’d ever experienced in my adult life. This pattern was followed by Scraps. I would put up with anything. I used to call this “love at first sight.” I had no idea the rush I was feeling was actually anxiety and not love at all.

I was finally able to learn my lesson by employing the dating program of 3, letting my diamond self shine through, and by waiting to sleep with a man I will call Don Draper. He was rich, charming, romantic, handsome and mysterious, and looked just like Don Draper, the womanizing ad executive on the HBO series Mad Men. Before I uncovered my diamond self, I would have kept all those intense feelings to myself, but I decided to make light of the situation and let my sassy sense of humor shine through. My diamond self always has a witty remark and stays in control because she’s just cute and sweet enough to pull off an attitude. Whenever Don would try to overpower me with his charms, get me to sleep with him, avoid my questions and remain aloof, I would say something silly to lighten the mood like, “Oh Don Draper, who are you, REALLY?” and change the subject. Once he mentioned the 3 date rule, which amused me too. I would later find out he wasn’t joking at all.

We had 4 lovely, passionate and romantic dates together over the holidays. I felt like we were movie stars, each moment was perfect. We shared the same wry sense of humor, we had both attended the same university on the same academic scholarship and we both had successful corporate careers with tons of flexiblity. We both loved dancing and had the same taste in underground music. He took me to wonderful restaurants, insisted on paying for everything and loved dressing up as my date for my holiday functions. He let me drive his new BMW and played all my favorite songs while we kissed at one of his homes in front of the fireplace. I gushed about him to my close friends and family, saying I had met the “one.” I even called my psychic, who agreed there was a lot of “light” around the situation, but she had a strong warning. She said, “go slow in dating this one and it will all work out in the end.” She was right to warn me with this dating advice. He had avoided introducing me to any of his friends and refused to add me on Facebook.

Don was always dashing and kind, until our last evening together, when I saw a flash of his true temperament. It was new years eve and I hadn’t seen or heard from him in over a week. Even though I was away at a friends cabin skiing, it felt like the longest week ever, just waiting for him to call. I tried to busy myself contacting the other men I was seeing, but I only wanted to hear from Don. He said that while he was away on holiday he never used his phone. I believe any man traveling alone would be calling or texting the woman he cared for. I hadn’t heard anything more from him than “Merry Christmas Sweetie” via text message on the 25th. As soon as he said hello to me on our 4th and final date, he had the nerve to say he had missed me, looked into my eyes and kissed me deeply. My BS detector went off immediately. I was on high alert the rest of the night.

We had a lovely time dancing and drinking at an elaborate masquerade New Years Eve party. As the evening ended it became obvious I would never find my own cab home, so he had his personal driver pick us up and bring us to his place, were he promised to cook for me. I was starving and every restaurant we passed was either closed or filled to overflowing. When we arrived at his house, he immediately tried to undress me. The old me would have given into his passionate advances after such a romantic night, but my diamond self held him to his promise to cook after a long night of drinking. He was so irritated with me that he flicked water in my face as if I were a naughty cat. I turned on my heel to leave and walk home in my heels in the winter snow, but he held me back, apologizing profusely.

We agreed to have a heart to heart talk. I told him that I liked him very much but I wanted to take things slow, get to know him and have fun. I admitted I was extra cautious after a nasty relationship with an abusive man. I felt like he and I were speaking different languages. He said that I was obviously looking for something serious, to which I replied that I wanted to keep things light. I told him I wasn’t interested in infatuation or flings, but I wasn’t ready for a boyfriend yet either. After we ate it was very late and storming outside. As he brought me to his bedroom I asked for pajamas to spend the night in and soap to remove the mask I had painted on my eyes for our event. I tried to enjoy the rest of our night together, continuing to kiss, flirt and share favorite videos and music online, but never letting him get far. I kept a respectful distance but he was obviously insulted that we weren’t having sex. Instead of going to brunch as planned the next day, he insisted he was jet-lagged from his trip and brought me home.

One week later I wrote him an email to ask why he hadn’t contacted me. He waited yet another week to respond and tell me that I was fun, but not fun enough. He wrote to say he had never heard any woman say the kinds of things I had said to him and that I was emasculating. At the end of his short message he said that he respected me. I was totally bewildered. I could not believe my eyes, reading and re-reading his email over and over. I felt such a strong connection and attraction to this man, was he really so angry or offended that we hadn’t had sex after only 4 dates? I let all of my closest friends read it. They high-fived me for escaping a total player without putting out or getting hurt.

Admittedly, I remained confused for a few months and wondered if he would ever contact me to apologize and reignite things. I even sent him a text and an email, just to see how he was doing and ask if he wanted to chat. He never responded. My friends were right, he was just a player with all the right lines. It all clicked when I saw this hilarious skit starring John Hamm as Don Draper, “How to pick up Women” It’s pretty funny… and sadly very effective with the ladies! Thanks Dr. Diana for having my back! Enjoy this skit!

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/don-drapers-guide/787241/

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Dr. Diana Kirschner, Dating-to-True-Love Mentor

Dating and relationship advice from my heart ♥ to yours

Despite how important sex is to our well-being, many people are unhappy about their sex lives. A landmark 2008 study by the Journal of the American Medical Association found that 43% of American women and 31% percent of men admitted they had a sexual problem.  And usually these studies under-report the actual percentages because, let’s face it: who wants to admit they can’t get it up or they can’t have an orgasm through intercourse?

In my new relationship advice book, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, I share the sex research on how couples can really enhance their sex life. there are 4 primary ways: novelty, sexual trance, partner engagement, and role play.  In Part I we looked at how novelty and sexual trance make for oh so much fun. In Part II we’ll look at how partner engagement and role play turn ho-hum sex into fireworks.

But before we dive into this sexy topic, I want you to take advantage of  FREE ongoing support: You can learn EXACTLY how to improve your relationship, keep the passion going and deepen commitment by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Click Here to get started now.

Partner Engagement

Partner engagement is interactive sex and sex play.  Your partner is seen as a separate person whose happiness and satisfaction are as important as one’s own.  At the highest level of partner engagement there is rapture, bliss, plus a feeling of oneness with each other.

Þ    In partner engagement you each are dedicated to the fullest sexual expression and fulfillment of the other.  This is the arena where you stretch to accommodate what the other wants to do.  But never go to the point of intolerable pain or trauma.

Þ    Be adventurous and take the initiative at times with pleasing each other.  A spontaneous ambush for a quickie is a great idea.  There’s nothing like “surprise sex” to amp up your pleasure centers.

Role Play

The last type of sexual intimacy comes from role play.  The couple creates a kind of magic theater where sex is a stage for each partner to share and enact fantasies with each other.  About 95% of people report that they have sexual fantasies so you’re not alone.  Fantasies help each of you to explore all the different aspects of self which frees up energy and loosens you up.  Plus it helps reduce the urge to cheat because you both are already having the novelty of a “different” partner.

Þ    The excitement and newness of role play keeps the dopamine flowing, which keeps the passion going.

Þ    Role plays often emerge from fantasies.  The most common fantasies involve an imaginary romantic lover, being overpowered or forced to surrender, reliving a sexual experience or pretending they are doing something wicked or forbidden.

Þ    Most common roles include, naughty doctor and patient, naughty cop and lawbreaker, master and slave, fantasy forced submission.

Sexual Issues

If you or your partner has sexual issues first use some of the techniques I have described to try breaking through the barriers on your own. If he has erectile dysfunction there are medications available that have been very effective for men. They’re still working on approving meds for arousal problems in women. But other physical problems could be affecting you, like anemia in women or hormone abnormalities. For men, low testosterone levels have become very common and can have very negative consequences on both libido and erections. Medications you are taking can have libido-depressing side-effects.  For example, tranquilizers are notorious for interfering with your sex drive.

Don’t let a physical problem prevent you from having sex so check with your doctor.   If your issues are not simply physical then by all means seek out a sex therapist or a couples’ therapist who specializes in sexual dysfunction. Treat this problem as you would diabetes or any other serious illness. It will be well worth it. And don’t forget to pick up a copy of my new relationship advice book, Sealing the Deal. It has a whole chapter devoted to the latest information on how long-term couples keep the fires of passion burning brightly.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of  the new highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” and the best-seller “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book).” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.