Dating for Over 50s -Advice for Women

This dating for over 50s blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Karen Holland.  Karen is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in working with couples and individuals getting in and out of relationships.  She works with couples to create passionate, fulfilling relationships.  She works with singles to help them heal from broken hearts and  find the relationship of their dreams. Now here’s Karen on dating for over 50s:

I work with lots of 50 plus women looking for love and I’ve come to the conclusion that women of this age, in general, are by far the most interesting, accomplished, and sexy. Once a woman reaches her middle years she often has the self possession it takes to really know what she wants.  She’s lived through a multitude of experiences and is less plagued by the anxieties that consume the minds of younger women.  She may have raised children, been divorced a time or two or, perhaps, has never found love.  But she has learned about herself in the process. In this way, mature women are in the perfect place to find real, lasting love.

News Flash:  Tune into Karen as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of successful dating for over 50s on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on November 22!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Still women, as they age, face certain realities. They may have been out of the dating game for a while. They may not understand these new ways to date. It can all be a little intimidating. They wonder if men only want to be with younger women. They wonder if they have to “put out” and when. Some look at their changing bodies and say “To hell with it; I better just stay home.”  If they’ve been looking for a long time, these sometimes highly successful career women, are burnt out and certainly turned off by men who have either played badly with their hearts over the years or are simply just too boring!

For these mature women whom I love to mentor, I give the following advice in dating for over 50s:

1. Mind the Frump- It is incredibly important to make yourself beautiful in your own eyes. It’s not about competing with younger women. It’s about bringing out what women over 50 undoubtedly have- sex appeal. Really. Update your haircut and your wardrobe. Tone your arms and strengthen those legs (very important anyway to avoid that walker when you’re 80!).  Check out books like Younger Next Year (for Women) by Crowley & Lodge which makes the whole diet, exercise and aging thing incredibly simple (and very funny).  For beauty help, I love Charla Krupp’s books How Not to Look Old and How to Never Look Fat Again.
2. Get online! -  Did you know that the largest group to try online dating is 55 and over?  Everybody’s online these days.  In addition to the big dating sites like Match.com, PlentyofFish.com and eHarmony.com, which offer dating for baby boomers and dating for seniors, check out seniorpeoplemeet.com and silversingles.com as well.
3. Keep those legs crossed (for now) –  Don’t jump into the sack so quickly. Yes, you went through the sexual liberation movement but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep a little mystery and a make a man work harder for you.   And, yes, you do have to worry about STDs and HIV.  In fact, in 2005 15% of all new HIV cases were in people over 50. Additionally, older women are more susceptible to STDs because they can have lowered immune systems, thinning vaginal walls and are much less likely than younger women to bring up the subject of STDs with their potential lover.
4. Play, Play, Play! – As a dear friend of mind says, “Sit loose in the Saddle.”  If you approach dating like a delightful experiment, the world as your playground, it will be so much more fun and you will experience much less burnout.  You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to get out there and not take yourself and dating so seriously. Though, I do want you to take the business of love seriously! For what is life without love?
5. Don’t Do it Alone! -  Read good books, like Dr. Diana’s Love in 90 Days which has a special section for women over 45 and her new book Sealing the Deal to help navigate a relationship with a potential life partner.  Get a Love Mentor ®! Stop trying to do everything on your own (Come on, you know you do!). Finding love can be challenging and it helps to have someone by your side guiding you and cheering you on.

Follow these dating advice and just get yourself out there. I’m pulling for you,

Karen Holland

You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Karen by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Karen.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Karen as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of successful dating for over 50s on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on November 22!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“Finding Love After 50 – Without Being Turned Off Or Burnt Out” -The interview with Love Mentor® Karen Holland

DATE: Tuesday, November 22, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating for over 50s seminar you will discover . . .

• What the “new rules” are now in dating for over 50s
• The myths that keep you single and alone
•  How to spot a good guy when you see him
• Avoid getting burned out and turned off when seeking love and companionship
• The keys to successful dating for over 50s
• The best way to reinvent yourself and emerge as a brand new dating you
• And much, much more  . . .

Please interact with us live during the dating for over 50s show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Karen for your wise words and dating for over 50s advice. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Karen, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Karen on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Here is a fun dating video blog with my assistant blogger pup, Madison, designed to help you build your flirting skills! For more information on how to to flirt successfully I want you take advantage of my free ongoing support: You can learn EXACTLY how to find and attract the one, how to tell the DUDs from the STUDs, how to go from casual to a real commitment and much much more by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Click Here to get started now.

Wishing you love,
Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of the highly acclaimed new book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” and the best-seller “Love in 90 Days.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter by signing up below:

Of course, some relationships are destructive or empty and they have to go.  But these days breaking up and divorce have become so socially acceptable, that many couples who could work things out wind up dissolving their unions.  And often there is a big price to pay for this. As a couples therapist and love expert, I’ve seen too many people regret ending their relationships.  Usually the breakup itself is quite painful.  They suffer with financial setbacks, emotional breakdowns and if they have kids, children’s adjustment problems.  Often they wind up alone and unhappy for years.  And if they are not self-reflective and transform themselves as opposed to blaming their partners, they usually end up making the same mistakes again and again with different partners. If you have any doubts about this, check out the divorce rates for second and third marriages.

But before you take the quiz,  I want you to take advantage of my FREE ongoing support: You can learn EXACTLY how to rekindle a love relationship, deal with breakups,  heal heartbreak and  Find,  Attract and Date terrific guys  by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Just Click Here to get started now.

Now back to our Break Up Quiz.  Before you leap back into being single contemplate these 20 questions. Be as honest as you can be and preferably ask your best friend, advisor, sponsor, or therapist to help you answer them honestly.

1. Have you searched within to see if you have given your all to this relationship?
2. Did you set aside time to be alone as a couple to continue your bond and friendship?
3. Were you clear and upfront in explaining what you wanted and needed from your  partner?
4. Did you make a serious attempt to provide what your partner wanted and needed?
5. Have you noticed and appreciated the helpful or caring things he/she has done?
6. Have you tried out the viewpoint that everything your partner complains about is legitimate and something you need to be working on?
7. Have you tried treating him/her lovingly, the way you would like to be treated?
8. Have you checked to see if your partner is growing as a person?
9. Is your partner becoming someone who could have a more loving relationship with you?
10. Have you worked on forgiving and being forgiven in the relationship?
11. If you or your partner had an affair is it this event that is the primary reason for the breakup? Even affairs can be forgiven, if there is true remorse.  Many times with the proper counseling the whole relationship can be turned around and get better after an affair.
12. Did you express more gratitude or criticism in the relationship?
13. Did you tell your partner directly that the problems in the relationship were so severe that you wanted out?
14. If there are sexual problems, did you try your best to work on them?
15. Did you try to create chemistry and attraction?
16. Did you set aside time for sex?
17. Did you spend time teaching each other how to give sensual and sexual pleasure?
18. Did you spend quality time really listening and paying close attention to your partner?
19. Have you made personal changes as per your partner’s suggestions that would be in your best interest?
20. Have you seen a couples therapist or counselor and given it your best shot?

If you cannot answer “yes” to most of these questions, reconsider ending the relationship.  Go into couples therapy and work on the issues/behaviors in the questions you said “no” too.  You may be able to save yourself (and your kids) from huge financial and emotional heartaches.

To locate a competent couples therapist, make an appointment for one consultation visit with two or three professionals to find a good fit for your relationship.  You can get referrals from the American Psychological Association or the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy.  Also, if you have any friends who have had success with a couples therapist, definitely have a consultation visit with that counselor as well.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.

Now is the time to prepare for love. As Summer approaches, more people begin to relax, spend time outdoors. The coats come off and the sexy summer clothes begin to come on. Singles, like all of us, raised in the rhythm of a school calendar, are conditioned to break out, socialize and have fun, try new things and meet new people in the summer. They are more focused on their bodies and getting toned. Physical attractiveness is turned up a notch as they tan or faux tan, and really take time to destress and play—so they feel more attractive and ready to go for it! More parties start happening, expecially beach and pool parties. People are looser and more open.

So this is a great time to look for love, to truly make this the summer of love for yourself. Give yourself and your wardrobe a summer makeover. Shed a few pounds, get your Diamond Self glow going and meet as many people as possible: use the Summer dating advantage!

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.

You can learn EXACTLY how to Find,  Attract and Date terrific guys and create Lasting Love that is just right for you by subscribing in the BOX BELOW to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!

Wishing you a summer of love!  Dr. Diana

For this important week in publishing — during which Book Expo America takes place — my fun author friend, Connie Bennett, and I are playfully going out on a limb to drum up interest in our books. Here’s a press release that’s going out to the media today.

Authors Develop Zany, Outrageous Marketing Gimmicks to Nab Publishers & Fans in these Challenging Economic Times

NEW YORK—As thousands of authors vie for publishers’ and readers’ thumbs up in this uncertain economic climate, some innovative, pro-active authors are taking matters into their own hands by coming up with over-the-top, outrageous, humorous marketing gimmicks.

“It’s time to become an out-of-the-box-thinking author-preneur, who creates gutsy, captivating messages that nab the attention and tickle the funny bones of readers and publishers,” claims author Connie Bennett, who is laughingly walking around Book Expo America on Friday and Saturday sporting a provocative, 24”-by-30” sandwich board that says, “Are You ‘The One’?”

The amiable author’s “Are You `The One’?” message—which looks like a single’s ad—pokes fun of the fact that Bennett is both a single woman and an available author with a Big Platform, who’s seeking “a committed relationship” with a “compatible publisher” to release her second book.

“I wanted to playfully show that I have the guts, initiative and ingenuity to be a successful author no matter what the economic climate,” adds Bennett, an experienced journalist, certified health counselor, self-described “Ex-Sugar Shrew!” and author of SUGAR SHOCK! (Berkley Books) (www.SugarShock.com).

SUGAR SHOCK! (Berkeley Books)—a bestseller on Amazon—has a foreword by Dr. Nicholas Perricone and has been endorsed by Dr. Mehmet Oz, Dr. Christiane Northrup and film mogul Harvey Weinstein. The book’s contributing author is cardiologist Dr. Stephen Sinatra.

Bennett’s second book—for which she’s publisher hunting—is a fun, friendly, compassionate, diet book, The Better Habits Diet: Slim Down, Boost Energy, Rev Up Your Libido & Be Happier in Only 21 Days. Fans are already signing up in advance to buy it at a special website, www.BetterHabitsDiet.com.
[FYI -- it used to be called The White-Out Diet.]

The single author facetiously promises on her sandwich board, “Will put out on first date!!”—meaning that she’ll share information about her new book with interested publishers.

Admittedly, Bennett is “embarrassed” by her bold sign, and she’s even offering passers-by nuts to underscore the nuttiness of her marketing campaign.

The author also promises to meet publishing suitors—not at the Empire State Building like “Sleepless in Seattle”—but at “Booth 3534 at the Top of Every Hour.”

Another author using out-of-the-box marketing techniques is psychologist and relationship expert Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., who, in March began starring with her 4-pound Pomerian, Madison, in a series of zany, dating-advice videos posted on YouTube to drum up sales for her new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love (Center Street).

In Dr. Diana’s humorous, “Simply Irresistible Flirting Moves” webisode series (www.YouTube.com/lovein90days), she illustrates flirting techniques with her adorable pooch, who “plays” a hot guy. In one month, the series has had 40,000 views.

Dr. Diana’s videos—which she launched without publisher support—also have attracted more than 56,000 friends and nearly 5,000 new subscribers to her YouTube channel. The author’s zany marketing gimmick has been so successful that YouTube—which links directly to the Amazon sales page for her book—has granted Dr. Diana partner status, driving even more traffic to her website. (www.lovein90days.com).

With the publishing industry at a crossroads, Bennett and Dr. Diana are part of an emerging trend of pro-active author-preneurs, who are building their platforms and driving book sales through creative PR stunts that also bring laughter into the equation.

Note from Connie: If you’re in New York, please come see me at Book Expo America on Friday, Saturday and Sunday Booth 3534 at the Javitz Center.