Dating & Relationship Advice for Women

This dating & relationship advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW. She is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Association of Social Workers for 23 years. Tamara’s background and training in mental health, certified hypnotherapy, and belief management allows her to employ powerful techniques such as hypnosis, guided meditation, and experiential exercises as a dating coach.  Nationally recognized, she lectures, and facilitates teleconference groups and workshops.  Now here is a relationship advice interview with Tamara on “How Samantha Used One Simple Idea to Create Sacred Lasting Love”:

Recently , I was so fortunate to have visited beautiful Sedona, Arizona during a Holiday Family Reunion. I was fascinated with the red earth, the rock formations, the twisted trees, the powerful vortexes and the mystical happenings. Wanting to learn more about this incredible place, I did some research and found out that the American Indians never lived in Sedona because they considered it Sacred Ground. They never dreamed of being hurtful, disrespectful or ungrateful of this wonderful land they called their spiritual home. No, their sole purpose in visiting Sedona was only for worship, soul dancing, meditation, and contemplation. So, at least once per year, the Indians would pack up their tee pees and make their journey to Sedona for their emotional and spiritual evolution. They felt honored, open, trusting and grateful toward this land.

My wonderful mentor and friend, Dr Diana Kirschner, once said to me that love relationships are sacred, or at least they can be. I agree with her 100%! And eventually, my mentee, Samantha, did too.  Samantha journeyed from feeling disconnected, discarded and heartbroken in her relationship to feeling like it was sacred, solid ground, a love she could count on.   Can you imagine what this planet would be like if everyone believed that relationships were sacred ground, just like the Indians thought of Sedona? Just feel that one for a second. Wow! People would actually treat each other with honor, openness, trust and gratitude – in other words, be a contributor to their relationships.

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on how to create sacred lasting love on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on May 15!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Samantha started Love Mentoring® when she thought her relationship with Oscar was over. She admittedly was creating quite a bit of drama when ever things did not go her way.  But now Samantha and Oscar are deeply bonded in love and planning a solid future together where they will travel the world and take it all in.

How can you make that journey in your love life, just like Samantha did?  I started off her sessions with these questions: “Samantha, do you contribute or take away from your relationship? How do you treat this relationship? How do you act? Who are you being, such as, your worst or best self? How would you rate yourself in this relationship (1 being your worst self to 10 being your best self)?” She gave herself a 2. Then I had her explore the roles and identities she was operating from with Oscar. For example, was she the martyr, lazy slug, workaholic, dominator, victim, pleaser, loser, responsible one, thoughtless one, controlling, controlled, abuser, or abused? Samantha realized that she was “The Needy One” and putting pressure on Oscar by needing him to give her what she so desperately wanted – “To fill a void”. And, when that ‘void’ was not being filled, she was able to see that she tramped over, dumped on and complained to Oscar – a lot!. It was clear that she was contributing less than her best and was not treating this relationship as sacred as she could. Samantha and Oscar’s relationship took a complete turnaround when she viewed herself as a contributor. So, instead of looking at Oscar and asking what he should do for her, she asked what she could do for him. Then, Oscar, noticing and appreciating this huge change, naturally started doing this with her, as well.

Now, my question to you is how can you contribute to your partner’s life? In other words, instead of seeing what’s wrong with them or instead of focusing on what they are not doing for you, look at what’s right about them and what they are doing for you! Note: When you are contributing (honoring, valuing, trusting, being in gratitude) to someone else, you are also contributing to yourself.   What goes around comes around.  So I’m happy to report that every area of Samantha’s life has dramatically improved since starting this program!

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on how to create sacred lasting love on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on May 15!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

Do you remember what it felt like when you first got together with your partner? The romantic sparks were flying, you were so excited to be together, you couldn’t stop thinking of each other and you were constantly planning what you would do or say when you were together again and in each other’s arms. The energy that you two were being was spectacular and huge – the size and brightness of the sun – because you were contributing – honoring, trusting, being open and feeling so much gratitude for one another. You began as Sacred Lasting Love. Then time went by and you started expecting things from one other. For example, “He needs to be home on time”. “She needs to cook the meals”. Then came the judgements, “He’s so inconsiderate of my feelings!”. “She’s always nagging and suffocating me with all of her demands!”. The Sacred Lasting Love starts to get smaller and not so bright.  Then comes the anger and frustration with lots of arguments or even worse, the silent treatment. The Sacred Lasting Love shrinks, becoming even more dull. It reaches a high point of disillusionment, deficiency and catastrophe. The relationship is in constant turmoil and the Sacred Lasting Love is now the size of a pea, all black and shriveled. What happened? It started off so grand and amazing and now it’s down right scary!

Are you ready to hear that one simple idea to create Sacred Lasting Love? Are you ready to commit to making one change NOW that could help take your relationship back to sacred? Yes?! Good for you! Here it is: Every day for the next 30 days, tell your partner at least one thing about him or her that you are happy about, appreciate, thankful or grateful for. It doesn’t matter how angry you are at someone, you can always find something about them that you appreciate. Go ahead, try this out and see how things start to change for the better, just like it did for Samantha and Oscar. As a Love Mentor® and Couples Therapist, I have seen marriages on the brink of divorce turn completely around with this easy first step and I know that you and your partner can do it, too!!! Make a stand for yourself, your partner and your relationship and take it back to Sacred Lasting Love!!

Thank you, for your great relationship advice, Tamara! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Tamara  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Tamara.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on May 15!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“How Samantha Used One Simple Idea to Create Sacred Lasting Love” -The dating & relationship advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, May 15, 2012      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating & relationship advice for women seminar you will discover how to:

- Turn around your relationship with Sacred Love

- Show up in the relationship to feel happy and fulfilled forever

- Get endless love from your relationship

- Feel cherished. honored , open, trusting, and more grateful for the one you love

- Stay focused on the one facet of your relationship so that you create lasting love together

- Create Sacred Lasting Love!

And so much more  . . .

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Tamara, for your wise words and relationship advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Tamara, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Tamara on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

Today’s blog is written by one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Karen Holland.  Karen is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in working with couples and individuals getting in and out of relationships.  She helps couples create passionate, fulfilling relationships.  Karen also helps singles heal from broken hearts and  find the relationship of their dreams. Now here’s Karen on how a simple change in one of her mentee’s minds (a woman named Alicia) led to the relationship of her dreams.

For the last couple of years, I’ve been walking by a yard with a dog that was tied up to a post with a six foot chain.  The dog would run in the same circular pattern, limited by the length of his chain.  Recently, I noticed that the owners built a large kennel giving the dog free rein to run much farther and in any direction it pleased.  Yet, the dog still runs in exactly the same way, in a small circular space.

It got me thinking about the power of limiting beliefs.   I mean, they’re just thoughts, right?  They don’t actually limit our physical reality but we sure behave as if they do, much like the dog on the invisible chain.  We create limiting beliefs in response to circumstances, usually the painful ones.   And, even though as human beings we have a remarkable ability to heal, we tend to respond to new experiences through this limited point of view and then our behaviors and experiences never actually change.

Before we get to a wonderful dating advice story about how Karen helped Alicia escape her limiting belief about men I want you to take advantage of this free offer.  If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Karen, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Karen on the form.  Now back to our story:

One of my dear mentees, Alicia, a lovely plus-size gal, got her heart broken bad!  She developed the relationship killing beliefs that she was “unlovable” and “Men are jerks.”  In the context of these limiting beliefs, when she started to date again, she only saw men as either jerks or, if she really liked a guy, started to worry he wouldn’t be interested in her.  And, guess what?  She ignored some really great men (or pushed them away with her anxiety) and only focused on the ones who really were jerks. And boy, were there jerks who came into her life!!  So, like the dog in the wide open kennel, the world started to occur in a very limiting way even though in reality there were way more possibilities for her.

To break out of her pattern and become free from the chain to her past, I helped Alicia 1) Truly let go of the past painful experiences through forgiveness, finding the larger meaning and being grateful for what the experience taught her and 2) Learn to create more empowering, positive beliefs about her present and future.  I taught her to truly see the present for what it is—a wide open space for her to run and play in any direction she pleases.

In this context, I’m sure you can guess what happened to Alicia. Suddenly, Alicia was overwhelmed with responses from some really terrific men.  And, now she is with a truly wonderful man in the relationship of her dreams. He texts her daily, took her on an awesome trip to the Big Apple, bought her an emerald ring and they are making some serious future plans.

If you find yourself thinking the same negative thoughts or having the same negative experiences over and over, check to see if the chain is still there before coming to any conclusions about your actual reality.   Journal about the thoughts that are chaining you down.  Are they really true?  Is there any other way to look at your situation that might be more freeing, or feel better?   Write those thought down.  If they make you feel good, post them where you will see them daily.  You’ll find that you really can get the life and love you want!

Thank you Karen for your dating advice, wisdom and insight.

You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Karen by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Karen.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Susan Kalinowski, LCSW. Susan  is a highly experienced Love Mentor®  who has been extensively trained and supervised  in our approach. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Board Certified Diplomate specializing in couples counseling, relationship issues, communication, pre-marital counseling and helping individuals and couples find personal fulfillment.  Susan lives in the Philadelphia area with her wonderful husband of many years. Now here is an interview with Susan on how to Find Your Confident, Empowered Diamond Self.

What do you mean by Finding Your Diamond Self?

Each of us has something wonderful in our make-up, something that makes us shine.  We call that your Diamond Self.   Start by finding that something in those around you, at work, at your health club, among your neighbors, even among your family members. It is often easier to see their great characteristics before you see your own. This one has a great sense of humor, this one is athletic, this one has a gift for conversation, that one is sooo smart.  If you don’t see a sparkle of fabulous in others then dig and find it because once you get proficient at that skill you can turn it on yourself.

How does that translate into your work as a Love Mentor?

If you see your own beauty you might give yourself a break and start to speak and act from your truth, from your core.  I have found that once people reach that level of self-appreciation, they can find a partner.

Once the beauty you are on the inside is given support and permission to express herself (or himself) , all sorts of attractive things bubble to the surface. You need less armor for defensive protection. More and more of you shows and glows. You find yourself naturally defending your right to have great things because you know you deserve to have them. You speak and you are your truth. That is very attractive.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Susan as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become find your Diamond Self  on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on February 21!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

Is that difficult for people, to find their sparkle and true voice?

At first, I find many of those I mentor are afraid of that inner person for a number of reasons.  She has been given messages over the years that hiding is safer. It could be she was criticized or abandoned when she was outspoken and exuberant, maybe she was criticized and abandoned even for just being. Perhaps she was even abused. Somehow she got the message that she could not be who she truly was.  Sometimes she even disappeared her own feelings altogether– becoming numb and unaware. Sometimes she became brassy or crusty, promiscuous or turned to addiction to protect the vulnerability. Sometimes she is the very good helpful girl who tries to please.  Regardless, the notion that she was wonderful simply for having been born, for breathing, for existing was not internalized. She learned parts or all of her essence needed to take a back seat.

How can someone begin to value himself or herself after being molded or scarred?

It can take some work!  I do an exercise I call  “chocolate cake.”  I have someone imagine their favorite dessert and describe it to me. There is a sensuous and adoring quality to what comes out of their mouths. You can feel the power of that crème brulee or Vanilla Swiss Almond ice cream. Now I have the person imagine they are in a social situation and that they are that incredible desirable alluring satisfying dessert just sitting there on the counter. With  their eyes closed on SKYPE I can see the transformation of the person imagining the dessert. There is a smile, a confidence, a self-prizing look, the cat that swallowed the canary. A place where you toss your head and raise your eyebrows as if to say…”Mmmmmm I am delicious…:  A sensuality naturally exists in all of us that has a chance to emerge just thinking you are the dessert.

As you work on the Diamond self exercises in Dr D’s books or with a mentor you gradually get more conscious of how you stifle you.  As you own the you you lost,  great things happen.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Susan as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become find your Diamond Self  on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on February 21!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

What sorts of things do you see?

A person’s Boundaries improve:  More and more often you say no to things that don’t work for you or say yes and reach for those things that do.

You learn that hiding less is strong, not weak.  For example, telling someone you care, may feel at first like exposing yourself to potential rejection; however gradually it becomes a means to a deeper, more honest and fulfilling relationship with someone who is into you and a brave person as well.

Intimacy potential (and actuality) increases with others

There is less need for drama because you are not holding things in trying to be who you are not.  With less drama you can fight cleanly (and connect better with another) or walk away knowing why and move on swiftly because you know you did not contaminate things, you just said your piece in peace.

Your healing continues to accelerate once you find a partner who loves the real you.

A relationship can grow from a firmer foundation. That person who does not leave and even delights in the you who you thought was hideous flawed, weak, unforgiveable etc, is a treasure of immeasurable worth.   (this also gives the partner permission to let you see his “warts” and grow from your acceptance and love)

Wow this sounds great! Is there more?

Yes ! Friendships and family relationships improve because you can express your happiness for someone even when you are feeling vulnerable  ie. : “I am so glad you got that great job and your career is taking off and, though I must confess I worry that you will forget all about me when you move across country etc.”

There is less and less false advertising on the dating front. You are likely to end up with someone who is a “fit” much more quickly. What they see is what they get from the beginning, no surprises. You save time being the real you.

You have more fun.  When you are more comfortable with you, so are other people. The positive energy loop becomes better and better. You are relaxed, your best self and lighter…more spontaneous and humorous, freer and in the moment. This is attractive, drawing others to you (including men).

When people know their own “good time” they shine and are irresistible.

You are kinder and gentler because you don’t take yourself so seriously. The internal task-master has less power over you. You have less harsh judgments of yourself and others. This is attractive and attracting as well.

This is amazing; is it difficult for people to achieve?

It takes courage in the beginning for sure. I have had discussions about intimacy and how exposed people feel when they are spending more and more time with a lover.  Worries about teeth, hair, weight, cellulite, passing gas,  etc. are opportunities for humor and fun when your partner knows your insecurities and delights in you in all your glory.  The more practice with facing your supposed flaws and exposing them the easier and more relaxed you become.

There is also less guilt in your life because you can own your words and actions. Apologies are easier and assertiveness is easier; so there is less “I should haves or I shouldn’t haves” pushing those guilt buttons.

Let me share one of my mentee’s journeys with you:  Sarah and I began speaking after she left her marriage of many years. She was lovely and didn’t think so. Her ex had been controlling and demanding sexual things with which she was not comfortable. Though she was successful in her career as a nurse she did not transfer the power (she was smart and respected and promoted) to her personal life.  She had ended the marriage without telling her ex her truth. She began dating and gradually it became apparent that she was choosing guys who were not her equal and she was behaving seductively early on. Gradually she shared that she had always been praised for being “the Good child that I never worry about” by her overwhelmed mother and ineffective father. Her one sibling had MS and her other had considerable mental health issues. If Sarah was not good and functioning and getting good grades she received no rewards.  She disappeared unless she was supergirl. Hence she never got to be just herself. She also put a lot of pressure on herself  to please others both at work and in relationships. She did not give herself permission to say no, or to put herself first in a healthy way.  She revealed she had poor body image issues and mild self-mutilation for her perceived lack of self worth.  She did not think she was attractive and valued and desirable for just being.  Over time working on her Diamond self she stopped seeing Duds and allowed a relationship with a very nice man. She was plagued by doubt and sure he did not desire her. No matter how loving he was she would withdraw and be moody and wary of trust. With coaching and his steadfast love she slowly gained confidence. She finally told him many of the things she was ashamed of and those things she longed for. He loved her all the more.  She began to experience herself as lovable at all times not just when she was trying to say or do what she thought would be acceptable and praiseworthy. They got married (she was 15 lbs heavier than when they had met and she was light-years lighter emotionally). She was blissfully happy and had found deeper love of her core self. When she had spoken up she had become her own champion and this set her free.

Thank you for sharing that story.  Do you have any closing pearls of wisdom?

The goal is relaxing into joy.  It can set you free if you keep your sights and your work focused on it. In general think about the people you know who have an easy, real self-acceptance.  Watch them in action when there is someone who they find attractive.  Usually all they have to do is smile with their eyes and the message is sent to the other.  They have the awareness that they are ready and willing and able to deliver. When that message is received by the other who also has that awareness of self there is an opportunity for the beginning of a beautiful easy joyful relationship.

Thank you, Susan! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Susan by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Susan.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Susan as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on February 21!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“Finding Your Diamond Self: Confident & Empowered” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, February 21, 2012      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your Diamond Self -
• How to operate from your  Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you again, Susan, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Susan, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Susanon the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

‘Rachel,’ one of the awesome women in our Love Mentoring® program is rockin’ it on her journey to creating an extraordinary love relationship.  How?  She took on one of the most powerful and yet most challenging exercises in the dating advice book, Love in 90 Days, the “Loveless Eulogy”.  In this writing exercise you fast forward to a vision of the life that your deadly dating patterns, fear and self sabotage have laid out for you—a loveless life.  And you write your own eulogy.  

So you can then decide if this is the reality you want to live into.

I wanted to share Rachel’s journaling with you (with her permission, of course!) in this dating advice for women series. 

Writing Exercise #1: Rachel died today and it is with sadness that I say… that she was happiest when she was coupled happily and I believe that to be true, for she was unbearably romantic. The problem came when she began to develop intimacy with another; she found reasons why the relationship, deep down, would not last. Sometimes she told herself that it was her partner who did not quite measure up to her expectations, or was flawed in certain ways. Other times it was when her partner unknowingly and unintentionally did something to hurt her. She would allow that pain to penetrate to her deepest pain center and there it would sit and fester—the old wound opened anew that she never allowed to heal

As much as she outwardly proclaimed her love optimism, inwardly, she was the consummate pessimist, she would bristle when confronted with this possibility, and intellectually would qualify her pessimism being more akin to realism or at the very least, wise skepticism.  This conflict of head and heart was terribly confusing to her friends, her partners, and mostly to herself. Yet, it was simply too difficult for her to change. Her indelible conclusion was that if she truly gave her heart, it ultimately would not be wanted by the one she offered it to. And so, instead of having faith in love and holding hope in the face of set-backs and disappointments, she allowed those set-backs and disappointments to erect an impenetrable wall around her heart. She became lost in the grief of rejection that she assumed would happen,

The truest of tragedies about all of this is that Rachel had an infinite capacity for love. Indeed, if you asked her what she believed her soul’s purpose was, it was for love. Her heart was filled with potential and it soared with the feelings from another and for another. She lived too much in her head, though, over thinking, and unfortunately, talking her heart into destroying love. If only she had listened to her heart, followed her heart, and quieted her frightened, doubtful mind, she could have taken the leap. She could have found the faith that was barely beyond her grasp.

She wanted love, oh how she wanted to love and to be loved!

Wow, Rachel did an awesome job on this exercise—and spoke about issues of the heart we have all experienced at one time or another.  She worked very closely with her Love Mentor® and then she tackled the next exercise from Love in 90 Days, called the Right Time to Believe in Love.

Writing Exercise #2

Why now is a good time to love and why I am ready for the first time in my life    to love with complete trust, faith, and belief in myself, my partner, and my relationship

 This exercise is every bit as humbling as the previous one, for if you ask me to be absolutely honest. I will say that I believe I am ready for a relationship, yet is anyone ever completely ready? Are not the dynamics unpredictable when two hearts, minds, and spirits interact teach and learn from each other? You simply don’t know until you dive in and try. That’s my lesson from our Love Mentoring® work so far: to strip away the shroud of fears and jump with joyful faith into the risk. Once there, I believe I am far better prepared to flow with the give and take of relating.

I can say that I am more emotionally equipped to be a solid partner as I deal with my core fears and killer belief of “the chase me problem,” I can say that I am encouraged, feeling stronger by the day, more in tune and more fond of myself as I grow. I can say that my Love Mentoring “boot camp” of self love, emotional strength building, and physical fitness is being noticed by me and others. I can say that the issues raised by my partner were key and have haunted me long enough so that each day I pour my passion and exert my will into resolving them permanently. I am pleased by my progress. So in this regard, yes I am ready.

Given that my sight is crystal clear and my motivation akin to critical mass, I have set the following goals for myself. I read them and take them in a few times each day. They speak to my readiness for love. They are written in the present tense to underscore my achieving them.

• I trust love in my life.
• I release the belief that I will be abandoned when I love.
• I am at peace with my birth mother abandoning me. She recognized her mistake.
• The strong adult I am is nurturing, embracing, and adoring my inner child.
• The wall around my heart is gone.
• I love my partner and everything is alright.
• I permanently release the fear of love rejection.
• I permanently release the belief that I am being rejected.  My confidence is strong!
• My heart is open, bold, and free –I welcome love!

__________________________________________________________________________

Thank you Rachel, for your inspiring work!  If you would like to work one-on-one with a Love Mentor® like Rachel did, contact me ASAP for a session by phone or Skype at http://www.lovein90days.com/coaching/ .  You can have a free 40 minute Love Mentoring consultation with one of the handpicked, expert Mentors who work directly under my supervision.  Let me tell you, they are devoted, wise, loving and can help you get exactly where you want to be.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Dr. Diana Kirschner        ♥Dating and Relationship Advice from my Heart to Yours♥

Here is another treat in the dating advice for women series!  A true (or should that be “True Blood” ? dating story from one of my students!  Enjoy!

Vampire Bill

Have you ever seen True Blood, a HBO show based on the Sookie Stackhouse book series? Well, it’s all about a virginal clairvoyant named Sookie and her encounters with supernatural beings like vampires, especially one sexy and virtuous vampire named Bill. She became immediately enamored with him because she could not read his thoughts. Finally! A man with whom she could relax and enjoy quiet reflection. On the flip-side, Bill could “glamor” any human he wanted something from…except Sookie. They were drawn to each other simply because their natural gifts were useless and they could just be themselves.

I had my own run-in with a man I will call Bill for this very reason. I spotted him staring from across a crowded concert. Usually men in my city aren’t so forward as to stare directly and intently, so I assumed he was from out of town. After sneaking a few more glances his way, I determined he was alone… and very handsome. I got a wonderfully sweet and sincere “vibe” from him that I will account to my affinity for “New Agers” so I waved him over. He immediately hit it off with my wide group of friends and I. We had wonderful conversation and danced the night away. Bill was in town from LA to see the Dalai Lama, and so he left a bit early to join the group meditation led by his holiness early the following morning. Of course he didn’t leave without requesting my number and a dinner date the next evening, another assertive quality that I find to be rare in men in my city.  It felt especially magical because I had just begun researching a career change and relocation to LA… go figure! I was totally blinded by his halo of goodness and the synchronicity of events.

Over dinner he told me all about his passion for healing and enlightened pastimes like Aikido martial arts and Tibetan Buddhist meditation, teachings and retreats. He worked as a trainer for the elderly and pursued a masters degree in Chinese medicine. He also informed me that he was not open to a relationship having just broken up with his girlfriend of 5 years, but he would open his heart to me, just as he would to any person he connected with as part of his spiritual practice. We shared things only old friends would and had wonderful, insightful conversation deep into the night. After dodging his advances a few times I finally let him kiss me. He was so humble, gentle and sweet. I trusted him immediately and completely.  I have to admit with that kind of chemistry jolting through my veins, I was hooked.

I travel quite a bit for work and so I wished him a good nights sleep,  safe travels and hopes that we could meet again in his hometown. He agreed that it would be really fun to hang out again. Over the weeks that followed our first date up until the days before my expected arrival in LA, he called, emailed or texted me every day, as frequently as his schedule would allow. I was flattered, but more than that, I was impressed with his ability to stay neutral while we discussed several topics that struck deeps chords in my soul and caused some emotional upheaval. He assured me there were no judgments and that it was safe to tell him anything. For the first time I felt like I could just relax and enjoy my reflections without causing anger or judgment. I was wrong.

Things unraveled when I expressed my distaste for his use of my photos to pleasure himself. By the 3rd time I mentioned my displeasure, he told me I was selfish and that I was projecting my sexual problems onto him. We had an argument. With my very best Diamond-Self judgment in tact, I sincerely felt I had expressed fear, sadness and disinterested feelings, not anger or judgment in hearing about his personal habits. He ranted about how he could always “glamor” any girl he wanted and that he always got into these type of arguments and issues because I wanted more than he could give. I felt like he was attributing every other dating relationship issue he had ever had to our dating relationship. When I backpedaled and tried to transition our connection into friendship, he told me he did not believe in friendship between men and women. We talked through it, but I was a bit unnerved and decided not to disclose anymore of my problems, at least not until I felt I could trust him again.

A week of more funny inside jokes and conversation passed and so I shared my travel itinerary to LA with him. We made arrangements for another date. Our connection was definitely romantic, but I had told him he should not expect sex. One solid month of intense conversation over the phone felt like several dates to me, but he has still not mentioned any interest in a commitment with me. Of course in my mind, that commitment and love connection might still happen once we spent time together again in person and then I would definitely want to sleep with him. The possibilities still felt endless to me, even though the writing was on the wall!

Our second argument was our last. I was trying to fit our date into my day off of work in LA, which was planned around his schedule. When his schedule changed, he asked to change our date. As we discussed the details of his long commute times in traffic and issues with dog ownership, he mentioned that his ex could not watch the dog for the day because it would be inconsiderate to ask her to take care of his responsibilities while he was “off banging some chick.” At first I took it as his sense of humor, but it did not sit well with me for obvious reasons. The old me would have hoped it was just a joke and brushed it off, internalized the blow. With my diamond self in full effect, I told him that he needed to watch his language and treat me with respect. He told me “I can’t handle this” because he was sick of all our “negative interactions” and “couldn’t give me what I wanted” and that he was “not open to debate the issue any further.”

At that point I realized we never talked about what we wanted. We talked about what he DIDN’T want and we talked about my problems. No wonder things were so messed up! He thought I was just some chick with a whole lot of baggage who didn’t have any expectations whatsoever. I told him I cared about him as much as I cared about all my friends and loved ones, but that I simply could not tolerate disrespect.  I have not heard from him since.

In the end, like Sookie, he was not able to glamor me, but only thanks to you, Dr. Diana. If he and I should ever encounter each other again, I can at least respect myself enough to know that I was not just another woman he used for sex with while recovering from his breakup. Also, I’ve learned to take men for face value. From now on I will not be glamored by their sweet actions when their words spell out something completely bad for me: “I’m not open to a relationship” plus meaningful conversation and phone calls, letters, dates, paying for dinner, making plans and constantly texting sweet nothings all day, everyday does not mean he’s looking for love or a commitment. It means he looking for sex and HE’S NOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP…period! Hopefully one day soon I’ll meet a man who respects me and loves me for standing my ground and does not shut down or run off. Until then, here’s a funny glamor scene from True Blood: http://youtu.be/subXGkZKD-w

Many thanks,
“A”

Thanks so much, “A”!!! Hope you enjoyed this awesome dating story!  For lots more on developing your empowered charismatic Diamond Self and taking charge of your dating and love life, pick up a copies of the bestselling books Love in 90 Days and Sealing the Deal:  The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.  And please drop me a line about your success!!!

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Dr. Diana Kirschner        ♥Dating and Relationship Advice from my Heart to Yours♥